(Closed) New and need opinions please:) (long)

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hi!

It seems like you’re going through a really tough spot and I’m sorry for that! I’m amazed at the journey you guys have gone through and are still together.

I haven’t been in this situation so I can’t talk about personal experience but I can give you my opinion. I don’t think you’re being immature for wanting to leave if there is no marriage in sight. You don’t want him to be married and always thinking about a possible divorce, but in a similar way you would be accepting to live together and always thinking about marriage. 

I’m sure you guys have talked about this extensively, but I think you should reassure him that you guys are a strong couple and that because you have been through so much you have already surpassed many obstacles that other couples couldn’t survive through. The experiences you’ve had taught you many things, but the experience of seeing his parents be so unhappy has taught you many things as well. It’s true that we learn a lot from other people’s mistakes. and because of this together you’ll strive to make each other happy for the rest of your lives.

I believe that marriage is something to be cherished and honored, but I don’t believe in staying in a marriage that makes you miserable. My husband always tells me “Stay with me forever, but if at any moment you stop loving me, don’t stay because you feel bound by marriage”. To me this means that he wants to be with me forever but that he doesn’t want me to live an unhappy and loveless life.

Maybe this is what your guy is thinking. Maybe he doesn’t want to have the possiblity of seeing you (or him) bound by marriage to an unhappy life. But you are thinking that the unhappy life is bound by NOT getting married.

You should talk to him and tell him that you want to live a happy life with him forever and go through many more obtacles that will be in your way, but that you won’t allow yourself to stay in a miserable, unhappy marriage if it ever comes to that.

 

I hope this helps! and good luck!

Post # 5
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You’re welcome! I wish you all the best!

 

 

Post # 6
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

hello! welcome to the bee!

so this is just my opinion…

You told hime that if he doesn’t want marriage then you would leave him because it’s that important to you.

From his perspective it’s YOU > fears/doubt

I would have a serious conversation with him about his reasons for going ahead with marriage plans, but when it comes down to it he’s choosing you! He’s had an epiphany! I think it would be unfair to leave him because he migh have those “what-ifs” floating around in his head.

If he’s said that he’s ready for marriage then I’d take him at his word.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some of those “what-if” moments. In our society where divorce and miserable marriages are more common than happy ones, it’s hard not to. That doesn’t mean I don’t have confidence or love or happiness in our relationship  

GOOD LUCK! 

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