(Closed) New and waiting…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@crosscountry09:  Welcome to the Hive!

Have you talked to him about this at all? That is the first step. I would tell you you appreciate his willingness to move for you, that you do see that as a commitment, but before you live together, you’d need AT LEAST a serious timeline talk of engagement, that you have moved in together with previous relationships, and that’s just not something you feel comfortable doing again. Right now, I’m 23 (SO is 25) and have been with SO for 4.5 years, and I’m finishing my degree, and if we want to be together, I need to move 500 miles to be with him where he’s still in school/Ph.D. I made it clear that, by this point (I realize you haven’t been together as long as we have) he needs to get a ring on it soon before or just after I move. Originally he was thinking within a year of moving in, I said no more than 3 months. So right now, I’m moving in August, the timeline is in October. I realize you have not been together as long, which is why I might be more hestitant to move in, at least without a discussion of a serious timeline (and what you’ll do if he doesn’t stick with it– if you move in together, he says he’ll propose within a year, and doesn’t… will you move out? etc).

 

It all comes down to your comfort level. Normally I am not against living together before engagement (though I never have lived with a boyfriend before) BUT since I am having to pick up my entire life and move for him (and I still haven’t found a job yet but still have some time) I’m really nervous without at least some certainty that I’m getting married in the near future.

 

Sorry this was long, I hope that makes sense. I’m willing to talk via PM πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@crosscountry09:  Just because it’s practical doesn’t mean it is right, especially if you think you’ll end up resenting in after a few months/years, etc if he hasn’t proposed. I would personally live separately (clearly he’s committed, he moved this far!) and if he really wants to live with you, he’ll propose and get this marriage thing started. The last thing all of us waiting bees want to do is slow down that process πŸ˜‰ and sometimes moving in, can, when there’s no clear motivation to get married, not exactly the “free milk” analogy, but based on your past experiences with moving in together, I totally understand your reluctance, I would listen to your gut.

Post # 6
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Welcome to the Hive! 

Yep, I agree with love108. Before you sign your lease, you need to sit down and talk with him. Maybe meet in the middle as far as a timeline as well as how traditional the proposal needs/should be. Until then, you’re just guessing how he feels or what he thinks. 

Moving in together is a pretty big step and I would say to think about why both of you would want to move in together. Does you guys view it as another step in the relationship, or is it purely because it’s convenient? If you’re both on the same page, then you’ll be able to make a decision that benefits everyone. 

I would approach the conversation as a “before we make any final decisions” and if you talk about it honestly and openly, I don’t feel like it would come off as nagging. Plus I think you’ll feel a trillion times better afterwards. 

Good luck, hope it goes well! 

Post # 9
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@crosscountry09:  That’s awesome. I bet you feel sooooo much better! He sounds understanding and I bet it’s going to work out just great!

Post # 11
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@crosscountry09:  Yeah, it’s a crazy feeling! Some days I feel like it’s never going to get here and I’m tired of waiting. But then I get this insane feeling knowing that in like 3-4 months (hopefully) I’ll be engaged. I don’t think it will truly sink in until it happens though. Happy waiting!  

Post # 14
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m so glad this went well… I wish my “talk” had gone that well… it’s all good by now, but man that was not a fun conversation πŸ˜‰ Keep us updated!!! We should all have rings by the end of 2012!!!

Post # 16
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@crosscountry09:  Yeah, he just wasn’t THINKING, not that he’s really scared of commitment. Just like, what? what?? already?? Ahhh sooo exciting! I cannot imagine dating someone that much older than me.. I don’t know how I’d meet them! hahaha! But that definitely helps in the maturity and commitment department! Keep us posted!!! I hope it’s sooner than Dec for you!

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