Post # 1
I am not sure what I am looking for here, maybe advice, maybe just a place to vent? My husband and I have two beautiful daughters. Our first is almost 5 and the little one is almost 6 months. Our first Dear Daughter was an amazing baby. Extremely easy, always giggling and playing. She is a bit of a handful now but what toddler isn’t? My husband and I tried off and on for two years to have a second (and two miscarriages). We are so incredibly thankful to have our littlest , but, she is a difficult baby. So much so even our sitter has said if we weren’t family friends she would ask us to find alternate care. If she is not in my arms, she is screaming. She will cry for hours and make herself vomit if I don’t hold her. She never self soothes, wont do tummy time, or even allow us to set her down. I don’t know the last time I cleaned my house because I just cannot do anything without her in my arms. I have been diagnosed with PPD and I have always had anxiety. I am losing my mind. I work outside the home in a very demanding position so I just feel like I am constantly under stress whether it be from her while I am home or from work, but I just can’t get a break. My husband attempts to help but since she is still EBF, he can’t do much since baby only wants me. We did learn she has a milk allergy so I am completely dairy free, but that wasn’t the cure all we were hoping for. It’s getting to the point we don’t know what to do for her or how to help. I am not a fan of CIO and that doesn’t seen to work , but it’s affecting us mentally. Is this normal? What can we do? If she is in my arms, she turns into the happiest baby and will giggle and laugh, but if I set her down or give her to Darling Husband it’s like it is the end of the world.
Sorry this was so long. I tend to ramble and I am at my wits end.
Post # 2
Sorry bee, that’s got to be rough. Have you tried baby wearing? It will at least free you up to do other stuff!
Post # 3
That’s my niece in a nutshell. She only had eyes for my SIL. She would, occasionally, tolerate my Brother-In-Law. For everyone else, she screamed, nonstop, vomited, and then kept screaming. They had her evaluated for allergies, reflux, you name it. She needed up on some meds for reflux. That helped a little. My SIL stopped breastfeeding (and pumped) so that she would have to adjust to other caregivers- that also helped. mostly, getting her into a routine involving other people made the biggest impact – but even that was tough. Eventually, she just grew out of it. It was awful. We watched her a couple of times and I think I’m still scarred from the screaming and vomiting and then back to screaming. I have no good advice- hang in there. I’m sorry!
Post # 4
ive never been in this situation so i cant offer a lot of expert advice. But has she always done the screaming unless in your arms thing from birth? I wanna say its just a phase if it hasnt been happening since she was born.
hang in there
Post # 5
I’m sorry, I’ve been there and it’s so hard. Honestly if it’s not being caused by a medical issue, it might just be something you have to ride out. CIO worsened my situation and the only thing that helped was time. And letting it be ok that my baby always wanted to be held (and not just held but constantly moving ugh). It got better when she started walking and being a busy toddler but it certainly doesn’t end there. I couldn’t even wean until she was 2.5 because there was nothing else that could soothe her. I know it sounds bleak but every little advancement towards independence really helps with the day to day weariness. Just hang in there.
Post # 6
What sort of schedule is she on? What does she sleep in? If she falls asleep in your arms, can you transfer her to her crib? Have you tried different swaddles or sleep sacks? Have you tried a swing? Does she like her stroller? Car seat? The rock and play worked wonders for my fussy son, but that was recently recalled.
Sorry for all of the questions but it’s hard to give advise without knowing what you have tried already.
Breast feeding for six months is amazing! But your mental health is important also. I would seriously consider combo feeding or switching to formula to give yourself a break. Let dad stay up all night with the baby and feed her formula (or pumped milk).
If nothing works, remember that the days are long but the years are short. Six months is a short amount of time in the rest of her life. Before you know it you’ll be watching her graduate college.
Post # 7
Who has her while you’re a work? Surely she doesn’t cry all day long the days you’re working?
Post # 8
1. Your husband can do the house cleaning so that you don’t have to worry about it. I don’t know why this solution hasn’t occurred to you but it’s a good one.
2. Try sitting down and spend time holding the baby together and gently passing her from one to the other. Also get your other daughter involved so that the baby gets used to family hugs.
3. Let your husband look after the baby while you go for a 30 minute walk. Then he will get some practice in looking after her and you’ll get a break.
4. Check with your doctor if at all worried. Babies can be collicky or get infections – if in any doubt, check the baby out..
5. Time will improve things because children don’t stay six months old forever.. By the time she’s 16 you’ll have plenty other worries.
Post # 9
My niece was like this. Baby wearing was really all you could do with her, I’d go over to the house baby wrap her on to me and let my sister have a break. She also wasn’t a big fan of her dad at all, screamed if they were left alone together. She eventually grew out of it.
Post # 10
Did she have a traumatic birth by any chance? Have you thought about taking her to an osteopath or chiropractor? Could she be allergic to any soy in your diet?
Post # 11
clarepartyof4 : I had a milk allergy baby and until I started reading every single label for even traces of casein or whey, didn’t eat anything that didn’t have a label, and exclusively prepared all of my own food, he continued to have issues. You’d be amazed at how milk products creep into our foods. My children’s milk allergy lasted until they were 3-5 years old.
Would you be willing to introduce some hypoallergenic formula? I had to when I learned I’d eaten something I thought was save but was not–it’s good to know that your baby will take a bottle when you are in a situation where your breast milk is more harmful than beneficial.
Baby wearing helped as did rides in the car, especially on a bumpy road. I agree with PP–can’t your hubs take baby for a walk in the stroller after dinner, ride in the car, or wear baby while picking up the house so you may go for a walk after dinner?
Hang in there and feel free to PM me.
Post # 12
Oh, that sounds so hard! My second LO was like this. I had to carry her constantly or else, no tummy time of course, and when my maternity leave was up and my husband had to watch her, she refused bottles and made his life miserable. She was like that from day one. Awful sleep, too – it got even worse once I went back to work,, and at 16 months my husband had to do some mild sleep training (I couldn’t do it, if I was around she would not stop screaming for me). I’m still traumatized by her first two years. I’m an introvert and can’t handle that level of clinginess. It took me a while to stop flinching when I heard her wake up or call for me.
It does get better though. She was happier (but still very clingy) once she could move around, and more reasonable in general by about 2.5.
I hope you see some relief soon. In the meantime, take care of yourself. At the least, try to get out of the house alone regularly (not to work) and don’t worry that she’s crying. As they say, you have to put your oxygen mask on first.
Post # 13
clarepartyof4 : Firstly, you are an amazing mumma! Breastfeeding an allergy bub can be horrendous, I know firsthand. I’m going to go ahead and say she has more allergies than just cow’s milk protein. Id say soy as very similar protein to cow’s milk and found in so much even most breads. After that I’d think egg. Have you heard of non-ige allergies? How are her bowel movements? Mucous?
Post # 14
Take a deep breath. Go for a massage. Then grab a cup of coffee in a quiet place and read through all these suggestions.
I think you’re looking at the situation from a place of stress and anxiety, and rightfully so. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
You said that she’s EBF and you work a demanding job, so I’m assuming you pump? If so, replace a couple nursing sessions with pumps and have your husband feed her. Honestly though, and I know as a BFing mom myself it’s a hard pill to swallow, I would seriously seriously consider introducing some hypoalergenic formula. I’m not a doctor, just a mom who knows what it’s like to be overwhelmed, but I would be willing to bet that maybe there’s some other allergy things going on you haven’t detected that is still being passed through your milk. Even limiting your diet more, it’ll take a while to really find out what it is. I’m a huge advocate for BFing but I’m also a huge advocate for reminding moms that it’s not always the best way for their baby. I feel as moms we should empower other moms to do what is best for their kids without feeling guilty or like they’re “giving up”.
Aside from that I’d also really consider a chiropractor who adjusts infants/children as well. I have several friends who used them for their babies and raved about them. I know I feel better after an adjustment.
Your husband needs to step up. Take over some house responsibilties like cleaning (or hire a cleaning person). You also need to leave baby with him and *leave the house*. Of course she’s going to want you if you’re around. Use this time to take your older daughter out for something fun, even if it’s just a walk around the neighborhood. Baby needs to know that dad can do it too.
Lastly, I would be open-minded to the idea of sleep training. STing gets a super bad rap, and has such a negative stigma attached because people think it’s all just CIO. There are a lot of gentle methods of STing and I know I saw a huge improvement in my baby’s overall personality afterwards. I found a sleep consultant through a referral from someone else I know who used one. My baby wasn’t a super unhappy baby but was a horrible sleeper and even worse napper….and when the baby isn’t happy ain’t nobody happy. My husband at first was not on board but now he’s totally changed his tune once he saw how much happier our baby was when he was getting the appropriate amount of GOOD sleep.
Post # 15
My second gave me a run for my money after my easy firstborn.
Could she have colic as well as the other issues of being attached to you. Could you try bottle feeding of your breastmilk so that your husband could help out more and get more of a break?