New baby- incessant crying

posted 4 months ago in Parenting
Post # 16
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My first baby was like this. We call them dragon babies. Wanted to be held constantly, nursed basically all times while awake, and didn’t sleep at ALL. It was horrible. 

Sleep training helped a lot – once he was getting 15 hours of sleep a day (12 hours at night plus naps), he was a bit happier. When he was able to crawl on his own he also was a bit happier. Each milestone made him a little more joyful. He is still a dragon toddler though – he’s wonderful and fun and such a joy when he is happy. If he doesn’t get his way though… it’s fire breathing time. Not easy going at all. 

Post # 17
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Couple of disclaimers before I make what might be an unpopular suggestion. My daughter is younger (4 months tomorrow) and definitely not as extreme as yours sounds to be. But she would.not.let.us put her down. Hated her swing, good luck on the play mat, don’t even think about the rock n play (so glad for the recall because I get money back for something she never liked in the first place). The thing that has changed that around for us is daycare. I know people have strong opinions on that type of care, but being around other kids her own age, seeing what they can do, and not being able to be held constantly helped her to learn to entertain herself. The change was pretty much immediate. 

Post # 18
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

My daughter was very difficult and cried a lot. I took her to my chiropractor at 5 weeks old, he gave her the tiniest of adjustments and told me she was allergic to the formula I had her on.  After that adjustment she slept for more than 3 hours for the first time, and was a totally different baby!  The new formula I put her on was amazing (Earth’s Best Organic) and I continued taking her to the chiropractor.  I know many other women who had similar experiences after taking their babies to a chiropractor.  They can be miracle workers.

Post # 20
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

clarepartyof4 :  “I am afraid she may be allergic to more than the dairy and have talked with her doctor about doing an allergy test, but they do not recommend it at her age”

There’s a lot to unpack here but was this your pediatrician saying this? Or your allergist? Because I know MANY MANY babies that have had allergy tests at this age, my son included! I would get a recommendation for a good allergist and get your child tested. 

Post # 21
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

This might be an unpopular opinion but I would have a huge problem with any care provider that decided that the appropriate treatment for a crying infant was to lock her away on her own. I’m also going to go out on a limb and say that that is part of the problem. A crying baby has an unmet need and shutting her away and leaving her to CIO is straight up neglect. You’re paying your sitter to care for your child and it’s her job to manage the crying.

clarepartyof4 :  

Post # 24
Member
2918 posts
Sugar bee

Your child isn’t whiny or needy or fussy or a mess. (Stop labelling her as such, even with us bees.)

She’s just a baby and probably ………..wait for it…………very bright and in need of lots of stimulation.

Personally I think that your sitter shouldn’t be shutting your baby away in a room by herself. That’s just plain irresponsible. Please stop making excuses for her even if she is a family friend.

I love the way that you said that when your child realised you were weren’t there she started whaling. That explains everything. As soon as your back is turned she nips off to thr Arctic to go and catch some large aquatic mammals. After her adventures with huskies, Inuit, polar bears, igloos, seals, sledges pack ice and narwhals, I’m sure that she finds home a bit dull. No wonder she’s clamouring for attention.

Post # 25
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee

My SIL has this issue with her 18 mo old now. When mama is home, baby will not stop screaming and crying until she is held by mama. When SIL is at work though the baby is fine being watched by the sitter. We speculate it is related to separation anxiety as SIL started working more after her mat leave was up and thus wasn’t home as much.

I have no advice but I empathize as a third party who has witnessed it. Hang in there. 

Post # 26
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

clarepartyof4 :  Yes you need a referral to an allergist. My baby first saw an allergist when he first showed signs of an allergy (at 6 months). That’s where the allergy was actually confirmed and plan put in place. At 1 year he was re-tested. Why keep driving yourself crazy when maybe it’s actually a simple fix? I’m not saying it 100% will be but what if you could find out NOW that she’s actually allergic to soy or something and if you cut that out all this stops? 

Post # 27
Member
807 posts
Busy bee

My baby was/is this way since birth. I co-slept with her as well which I believe is what encouraged her clinginess. I wasn’t getting quality sleep, and I could hardly function to get anything done around the house—babywearing seemed dangerous for most chores that required bending, cleaning chemicals, etc. I was having daily mental break downs (probably had PPD), none of us were happy. As much as I didn’t want to let her CIO, I felt it was my only option before I completely shut down. I started at bedtime when she’d usually fall into a deep sleep, so I knew she’d be good and tired. I went in every 5 minutes to carress her, speak softly to her, etc. It was really hard and it went on for a little over an hour, but she eventually went to sleep. Next night, she went to sleep in under an hour…night after that, 30 mins. Once I moved her to her own room, she started sleeping 2 hours straight and was only waking for night feedings…that was the first time any of us got quality sleep, and my mental health improved 10 fold. There were a few re-lapses when she’d have to CIO in the middle of the night, but by ~10 months she was sleeping through the night. I also noticed that once I started sleep training, she was open to warming up to the baby swing and playmat, too. Nowadays she’s extremely affectionate, sleeps great, has a healthy age-appropriate independence, and definitely isn’t afraid to communicate her wants/needs—so CIO has in no way harmed her.  She’s still a fussy baby compared to others, but I cannot emphasize enough how much good sleep has completely changed everything…it’s a lot easier to deal with fussiness when you’re not fussy, too. And obviously she’s a lot less fussy after good sleep, too. 

 

I totally understand why CIO might not be your style…frankly, I don’t think it’s anyone’s style or “want”, at first, but sometimes they have to. This may be an unpopular opinion, but in my experience, sometimes self-soothing and independence needs to be taught. Just because babies have a want, doesn’t mean it’s what’s best for them. Obviously I’m not saying your baby doesn’t need to be held, but she doesn’t need to be held 24/7…especially when it’s taking a toll on everyone’s health. There are a plethora of studies on how depression and lack of adequate sleep can cause serious harm to parents and children alike, yet there’s zero studies about any harm from sleep-training or CIO. So my advice is, as hard as it may be…give sleep training a try. Let her CIO at bedtime, or even in small doses while you set aside a short timeframe to clean or shower (but probably not both at once, that’s just too much crying for everyone!). Either way, make a consistent, predictable routine and stick to it for 1 week, and see how things go. The only harm that can be done is the temporary dread you might feel in your heart while she cries, but it’ll be for the best. Right now your baby isn’t familiar with the notion that there’s more to life than mama’s arms, and it’ll just take her awhile to get used to that, but she’ll be so happy when she gives herself the chance to discover how fun water bottles and the TV remote can be 😉 

Post # 28
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Disclaimer: I’m not a parent, or even very familiar with babies.

But logically, it doesn’t sound to me like allergies.  If she is comfortable all the time while being held by you and stimulated, but crying when she isn’t, that sounds like she just wants her mother/to be entertained? 

I know the babysitter is a family friend, but what are their formal qualifications?  If they don’t have any, I would try a childcare with experts, to see if they can formulate a strategy to where she isn’t crying all day. 

Post # 29
Member
3846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My babe is 19 months now but was similar when younger. We had to babywear constantly and for all naps until like 13 months of age. We are also still cosleeping. She still doesn’t tolerate the stroller for more than 5 minutes. Time was really all that helped. I’m pregnant again and reaaaallly hope I get one of those mythical easy babies you hear about. If you have Facebook you may want to join this group! You will get a lot of support and solidarity there! 

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