New baby- incessant crying

posted 4 months ago in Parenting
Post # 33
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Your sitter may be qualified and lovely but she may also not be a good fit for your child. Just a possibility. 

Have you started solid food yet? Because both my boys were absolutely miserable between 4-5 months until I realized they were ready for solid food and milk just wasn’t cutting it anymore. Once I started them on solids they were instantly happy. Also if she won’t really take a bottle then that would help her eat with the babysitter. 

Also could she be bored? What do you usually do with her on days off? If she’s always in the same room with the sitter and at home with you then she might he bored? My older son was really happy out and about in baby gyms, cafes etc, but if we stayed at home he was very clingy. 

Oh and finally some advice that I got with my older son that  worked wonders – if your child wants your attention, give them your full attention until they’re the ones who get bored and want to be put down. Otherwise they can sense that you’re reluctantly holding them but really you want to be doing the dishes, and that makes them more needy and clingy – they feel like they’re being pushed away. So embrace the neediness and hold them tighter, give them 100%, and they’ll soon want to be put down and go explore. Worked really well with my son. 

Post # 34
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Your wee girl probably clings to you because when you’re apart she knows she’s going to be shut away in a room alone, kids cry but shutting a baby away to cry on her own isn’t the way to deal with it.

Post # 35
Member
6020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

clarepartyof4 :  my heart goes out to you and your little one, OP and your whole family. There have been some great suggestions already (the chiropractic one, especially- we took our baby to a chiro when he was about 3 months old and it was really beneficial). A few things I wanted to add:

Gabor Mate had an amazing talk about the impact of the mother’s state on the states of our children. That and the book The Female Brain were really intriguing to me in discussions about how our state of well being (in pregnancy and during our kids’ early years) sets a tone for our babies’ well being and default states, so as much as you can get some down time and moments of peace for yourself, take them! I really liked the explanations because they weren’t blaming but acknowledging the significance of the mother child bond and, I felt, gave me permission to prioritize my own well being (because it also meant prioritizing the health and well being of my baby).

Something that I noticed with my son was that he would get overstimulated and then start screaming which just made him more overstimulated and made things worse. When we started incorporating a deliberate quiet time for him (whether or not it was a nap) it really helped a lot. And there were times when my husband would do just as your care provider does- make sure he’s clean and dry and safe and put him in his own room for some quiet – usually, he would drop off to sleep and wake up a whole different baby.

I also found talking to him about things to be really helpful and even though I knew he couldn’t actually understand my words, he seemed to respond as though he could. There were a lot of times where I was just done- exhausted, defeated, overwrought and over it and I would talk to him while doing whatever I needed to get done. I found it personally relaxing to talk to him and explain what was going on and he felt like he was getting attention. I would also tell him when I was having a hard time and a few times he patted my face and made me feel like he was saying “I’m sorry, mama.”

Good luck- I hope that if this is a phase, it passes soon and you all manage to get some peace and calm in your home soon.

Post # 36
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My oldest was like this- we co-slept which was the only way I could get any sleep. Then when we finally moved him into a crib, one of us had to sleep on the ground holding his hand all night. He honestly did not sleep through the night until he was 3. We tried a million sleep training methods and nothing worked. He’s 6 now and extraordinarily strong willed. He just has bigger feeling and reactions to things than my other two. The good news is that he’s brilliant and creative and super passionate about things he enjoys. So, I know it’s hard to have this baby, but maybe reframe your approach and think that maybe this is just her personality and she’s going to grow up to be a strong woman who changes the world! Also, I also have a busy job and we hire out everything we can afford- cleaning, cooking, nanny, etc. I don’t spend a ton of money on other luxuries, but we do spend a ton on help and it is 1000% worth it. Good luck!! 💕

Post # 37
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

clarepartyof4 :  I don’t have any advice mama but I just wanted to say that what you’re dealing with sounds incredibly challenging, and you’re doing a great job. There will be a time where it won’t be like this anymore, but I know that doesn’t help today. I think getting checked for allergies, and maybe you could get a referral from your doctor to a ped who has dealt with things like this before, because it seems like yours is out of ideas. I also just wanted to say that I don’t think what your sitter is doing is wrong. I remember in our baby class, the instructor explicitly told us that if there are times when we are feeling overwhelmed but we know all of baby’s basic needs are being met, that sometimes the best thing to do is put them in their crib so we can catch our breath for 15-20 minutes. It’s much safer than the alternative of acting out in frustration/desperation. Sending you all of the hugs and coffee.

Post # 39
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee

clarepartyof4 :  Small babies aren’t fussy. They just cry as a way of communicating their needs. 

Pass your baby to your husband and just let him look after her for a while. If you’ve expressed milk then let him feed her for a change. You don’t have to do everything when exhausted.

If he’s happy to get a cleaner then do consider it. Cleaning is a lifelong chore but a child is only 6 months old once in a lifetime. It would be sad not to put things in place to maximise the chances of enjoying it.

If you are feeling more down than expected then see your doctor. Post-natal blues can strike at a later stage. 

Hope that things become easier soon.

 

Post # 40
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Hmm. I think the people complaining about the babysitter’s handling of the crying just haven’t dealt with a kid with a hair-trigger temper. A bright, alert baby who knows what they want (constant cuddles, best of all from mom), has all the persistence in the world for getting it, but (as babies do) has no idea of the impact on others. 

I mean, picture this. You’re playing with baby and you need to use the restroom. Kiss her, put her in the crib, cue instant angry shrieking that goes on the whole time. You need to put some pasta on the stove – the whole five minutes this takes, more angry shrieking. You want to eat something that can’t be eaten one-handed – you’ve got to gulp it down to more shrieking. You give up and go outside because this is supposed to calm babies – more shrieking, and now you’ve got passersby giving you alarmed looks. Because it’s not crying, it’s really loud “help I’m being hurt” type screaming, and baby has a very impressive set of lungs. Oh, and baby hates carriers and doesn’t take bottles or pacifiers. Anyone who tries to give a bottle gets more screaming, and if baby drinks four oz while mom is working, that’s a good day. I think that sort of thing would get most people on edge. So if the sitter needs to walk out of the room for a bit to keep her temper, that’s the best thing she can do for the baby at that moment. 

Post # 41
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee

bubbles00 :  just reading this scenario stressed me out. My cousin’s baby is the shriek-until-mom-comes-home type and won’t take a bottle from anyone except her mom. It’s rough for the family members who babysit her.

Post # 42
Member
672 posts
Busy bee

You are so not alone! My son was and is very similar. One day I was googling a bunch of things and came across the term “high needs baby” – it changed my whole perspective on my son. From what you’ve said, it seems like your daughter is in that category as well. There are quite a few articles out there that can help with coping strategies so try giving it a google. Most of the time I embraced his needs and would hold him as long as he needed but I’d also give him to dad and walk away or zone out so he could learn dad could care for him just as much as mom. It was painful at first as when he cries I feel ill but eventually Darling Husband and DS figured it out. Around 11 months he started going through phases where he only wanted Darling Husband and let me tell you, it was blissful – so if you can tolerate it, the work you do now could have rewards, like a week of baby clinging to daddy. 

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