(Closed) New Bee & Same Old Problem(s)

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Honestly, it sounds like you might be having doubts since you are thinking about someone else.  But it could also you be projecting your feelings onto this guy who is like you and that you see more often than your Boyfriend or Best Friend.  I think the best way to get things moving with your Boyfriend or Best Friend (if you want them to) is to seriously discuss your future (where you will live, what you will do, etc).

PS – I understand him not wanting to live near DC.  Traffic getting in and out is a horror, my dad commutes an hour (one way) every day to Tysons.

Post # 4
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

Does he want to marry you?  Has he mentioned it?  Huge red flag for me is the money thing.  Even if he is projecting my boy makes more money than I do and it’s never been an issue.

Post # 7
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow are stories are SO similar!  I’m 25, we’ve been together 5 years, we both graduated college in 2007 and have good, stable jobs.  We’ve also done the long (50 min drive) distance thing as well.  AND we are also planning on moving in together in Novemeber when both of our leases are up!! 

I completely understand your #7, I have gone through this too.  Especially when you aren’t seeing each other everyday or a lot, it’s easy to get caught up in male attention.  Don’t worry, I’ve had this happent to me more than once!  But at the end of the day, I am with HIM for a reason.  I am sure if you have been together 5 years, there is a reason you have stuck around this long, and you will probably see that this other guy (even thought it might not seem like it through the resentment you feel right now….trust me, I’ve been there!) can’t even compare to your SO!

I’m hoping things work out for the best for you guys…I totally feel your pain!  Keep us posted!

Post # 8
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My feeling, and you MUST decide this for yourself and follow your gut, but mine is saying you two are dunzo.

I think you are bored and want to marry him because you think it will change the relationship but the problem is that you’ve changed. I think you are pressuring the situation not because you feel content and think you should move to the next level but the opposite: you don’t feel content and hope the promise of marriage will change that.

Maybe I’m way off base but I remember this phase in my life. If you are fantasizing about a co worker and trying to change your guy into a happy go lucky good boyfriend, I think you might be barking up the wrong tree.

Life is too short to waste on something you aren’t sure about. Consider your feelings and go from there. I wish you light and love!

🙂

Post # 10
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Those are some pretty big issues to hammer out – try not to get “tunnel-vision” about just being engaged or the wedding. This is a *marriage* and whatever issues you guys have now will only get worse during wedding-planning, and then will not go away after a wedding. Do some serious thinking about if you want to marry HIM (as opposed to just getting married because you’ve been together for 5 years) before getting too focused on the ring. Good luck! 🙂

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