(Closed) New bee – anyone in the over 30s club with me?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I could relate, and I defintiely understand what you mean by a “whole other ball game”.

I was 30 when my FI proposed and we had been together 7 years at that point. It was partly my age that made me have some serious conversations with him in the months leading up to the engagement. If you want biological childern, and you want them after you’re married age plays a huge role in the timing of certain events. Something that my FI just didn’t seem to understand. 

I hope you guys get engaged soon. Would he consider proposing with out a ring? Or maybe propose with a wedding band, and then get the engagement ring before the wedding?

Post # 4
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

oh yes, I can definitely relate!  I will be 34 in October and BF just turned 37.  We have been together 4.5 years and living together for 3.5.  We chose the setting and he had me choose between 2 diamonds last September.  He basically has until September of this year to propose or we are having the come to Jesus talk.  At my age and wanting at least 1 child, I just can’t do this anymore.  He told me it’s coming soon though so I am trying to be patient for a little while longer. 

The thing that sucks is that at this age and point, we’ve hashed it out so many times that i just feel like when he does it I’ll be like FINALLY! and the element of surprise is sorta gone.  At this point though I don’t care LOL The end game for me isn’t really the engagement anyway, it’s the marriage so as long as we get there then I’ll be ok wiht however it happens. 

Have you let SO know that you might be open to other options (ie: place holder ring, moissy, colored gem stone) if you are so that he doesn’t feel pressured to buy some big diamond?  I know BF was scared to death at the jewelry store and it wasn’t till I reassured him I was good with whatever budget he gave me and that even if i had to do a CZ in the right setting until we could afford it, I’d be ok.  It seemed to settle him down that I wasn’t all about the ring and that I had his best interest in mind too.

Post # 5
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Right there with you!  I’m 30 & SO is 32.  We’ve been together 5 1/2 years.  We have also had “talks” and I am now in the (im)patiently waiting stage while the ball is in his court.  He knows how I feel, and now I’ve given him some breathing room and time to think without me pestering him.  I plan on being good until February when our lease is up, and if things don’t seem like they’re on the right track, he knows we’ll have to discuss whether we’re resigning together.  I love him, and care about him more than anyone I’ve ever been with, so this has been a difficult time but we are BOTH working on communicating and our relationship.

Post # 6
Member
16 posts
Newbee

Also a member of this club! I’m 31 and my SO is 32 and yeah, it is hard to be patient when time is literally not on your side. It’s also something men can’t really understand because they don’t have the same issue with age, etc. it’s also puzzling how several years of being together as adults over the age of 25 does not say “ready” to guys. i want to shake him and say, “you’re ready! even if you don’t know it, this is as ready as you are going to get!” I relate to all the posts above. frustrating!

 

Post # 9
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m 34 just got engaged a few weeks ago and found out I was pregnant yesterday so double whammy of 2 firsts in a short space of time lol. I have to say though looking back on my life now, I’m glad I didn’t get married and have kids in my twenties because I have a completely different outlook on life these days. Had I got engaged and pregnant at 24 I would not have been mature enough to make it all last. 

Post # 10
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I was in this club last year. He proposed after 6 years together when I was 34. We got married 4 months later because I was in such a rush to get married. I regret rushing him because we didn’t get to enjoy the time of being engaged and savouring the moment. If I could do it again, I would let him do it his way on his timeline weather I was 35 or 40. It’s not like he was going anywhere without me 🙂

It was hard not to compare myself to younger engaged ladies and being a little envious as if I wasn’t good enough to be a wife. However, I was wrong, I don’t like wife status because now everyone is wondering when we are having babies, lol

BTW, that beautiful ring he spent his entire savings on I lost within 8 months of getting it. Lessons learned stick to $10 sunglasses and jewellery under $500 so it is replaceable. Material things do not make the relationship bond or the marriage work, we do 🙂

Post # 11
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

35 here, SO is 44.  Been together a little over a year but have been friends for over 6. I am an impatient girl so I FEEL YA!  I just need to tell myself to trust everything will happen in the time it was meant to happen. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
3588 posts
Sugar bee

Yep, 31 here, SO 34, been together for 4 yrs come this December. Financial reasons right now. It was just waiting, til the recession hit home.Damn economy is getting on my nerves.

For.Real.

Post # 13
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

I can definitely relate!!  I’ll be 32 on monday 🙁 SO and I haven’t been dating as long as you ladies have, 9 months for us, so we’re almost at a year.  BUT…I have 4 kids, and my reasoning is if you aren’t going to spend your life with me, then leave before they get too attached.  Unfortunately that’s too late, we’re all attached, but things are going super super super well between us and I’m pretty sure a proposal is coming by the end of the year 🙂 

I’ve had 3 friends/relatives get engaged last month and 3 more earlier this year, and they’re all younger than me.  it’s awful, and I’ve had a really really hard time with it.  Maybe my situation is different though because I am a single widowed mother…I’m tired of being alone, and I want to start our life together.  We’re not living together either, so it just…it just needs to happen sometime soon lol

Post # 15
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

31 here and waiting – we have a mutual timeline for TTC and getting married, but none for a proposal yet (he wants to surprise me) it should be in the next year to keep all other things on track. He’s been warned I need a year to plan! I’m thinking he’ll propose sometime in 2013 at least.

I don’t feel too bad about waiting since he’s initiated discussions about marriage and his intentions, but I sort of wish we could get this show on the road! The bee so great – I can get my wedding fix without talking about weddings all the time to my friends – something I won’t do until there’s an actual ring on my hand.

 

Post # 16
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m in my late 20s but have dated men in their 30s.  Honestly, if they *want* to get married and they “don’t know” after spending a couple years with you, something is wrong.  I would not be in my 30s and wait for someone to decide about me for years.  Heck, I didn’t even do that in my mid-20s.

With that said, it *is* frustrating to see women in their early 20s freaking out because they’ve been with their SOs for “like, forever!” and haven’t been proposed to yet.

 

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