Post # 1
So I have been lurking here for quite some time and finally decided to post because I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown.
Here is the deal, I have been wiith my SO for 7 years (will be 8 in September) and have been living together for 3 years. I am 25 and he is 26. I can say that I have been actively waiting for about 2 years.
We have talked about marriage since forever and he assures me that i am the one. Every time marriage is brought up he says he will propose soon. The 1st time he said that was April 2010…HELLO its 2012 already! He has even had me send him rings I like and even comments when he sees someone wearing the ring I want. (Side note: We are both established in our careers and money isnt an issue)
The reason i can feel the breakdown coming is because we have 2 weddings to attend this month, I am in a wedding in October and he is in one in January. Meaning weddings are EVERYWHERE. So I cant get my mind off getting married. I know when we go to the weddings this month everyone is going to ask what we are waiting for to get married. And to be honest I have no idea. Its clear that he loves me and we have a great time together but why must i keep waiting?
So my question to you bees…..Do I bring the whole marriage thing up before having a complete breakdown or do I just let it go and try to enjoy our time together?
Post # 3
Ah yes. I hear you. Maybe ask for a timeline? Something along the lines of:
Sweetie, I love you and I don’t want to pressure you, but can we talk? We first talked about getting married two years ago, and I don’t want to turn into a crazy lady with these weddings coming up, so…. Can you give me some sort of timescale so I don’t go mad? I.E it won’t be for at least 6 months but it won’t be over a year etc…
Post # 4
i would say have 1 more talk about a timeline then drop the wedding talk altogether, if you get the urge to vent or talk weddings, post here. not sure if you are familiar with Mr bees plan here, but do try the back up plan. i noticed the more i withdrew and focused more on myself the more fi chased when i stuck with the plan, which eventually led to our engagement. it couldnt hurt to try. good luck.
Post # 5
Yeah, I think you should definitely talk to him. A breakdown is absolutely no good. I know how you feel with all the weddings and it just driving you crazy.
So head off the crazy breakdown with a conversation. I agree with flownmuse that you should sit down and have an honest conversation about the way you feel. Since wedding talk is not a new topic, I don’t think it’s a big deal. It’s better to share how you feel instead of trying to stuff it down. “Soon” is a little too vague and as us waiting Bees have found, our “soon” and the guy’s “soon” don’t usually match up.
Just be honest with him!
Post # 6
First of all Welcome to weddingbee! you will finds tons of support here!. Hang in there and let him know your expectations of the future. Hopefully going to so many weddings will kick his butt into gear and get him really thinking about it. Best of luck to you!
Post # 7
Thanks everyone for the advice. I knew I needed to have a talk with him but I have a problem with avoiding awkward conversations. I never want him to feel like Im pressuring him to marry me but after almost 8 years I dont see it as pressure I see it as progression. Im just afraid it will cause a big arguement that i really dont need right now.
Post # 8
Great advice from everyone! I am in a similar situation to yours and I say the same(I’ve been with my SO for 7 years and am waiting for a promised proposal). Have one more conversation about a timeline and then try your best to drop it and focus on the rest of your life. I know how hard it is, but that is one reason why I joined here so that I could have an outlet for all of my wedding obsession without bothering my SO. I think you’ll be happy that you can come here and talk with others who are in the same situation as you.
Try to stay calm when you talk with him so that it doesn’t escalate. Let him know that it’s hard for you to go through other people’s weddings when it is something that you want so badly for yourself. Just tell him that you need a little reassurance so you can stop worrying and focus on more positive things.
Post # 9
I don’t think asking for some kind of timeline is too much at this point at all!… why not try asking him for a chat about it and focusing it more like, do you see us getting married in terms of time… ie 2 years, or ‘when it feels right’ or is it more of a money/career goal you would like to reach? maybe he is just waiting for the next payrise then BOOM it will happen? but I think it cant heart to ask so long as you say to yourself thats the one convo you are going to have, then leave it back in his ball court- good luck!