- 5 years ago
I’ve been lurking on the Bee for quite some time now and I just had to go incognito and make my first post. I’m just like an emotional wreck, on a roller coaster that never ends, I feel like.
So, here’s my story in a nutshell. I’ve been with my guy for about 8 years now. We’ve been together since I was 16. We met in high school. He had one girlfriend before me, and I had one boyfriend before him.
OK…pretty much……..WTF? Is it normal for your man to just grow out of love with you, when you’ve been together for just soooo long? Sometime I just feel like I think I need to leave this relationship, because sometimes I feel like nothing is going right. Gosh, I don’t know even know what I’m typing right now. Am I making any sense at all? I don’t feel happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but is it because I’ve been with him for so long? That shouldn’t be the reason, right? I feel like I’m still so young and I haven’t had the experience to be with other men out there in this world…and I don’t mean that in a sexual way at all. I mean that in a…just learning to be with a man who actually cares about me? Loves me? Is romantic? Ugh…I don’t know what I’m saying again. I feel like he and I are still stuck in high school gear. We always used to fight about petty things, especially me, when we were younger. And looking at us now, it still feels that way. Maybe even worse. We always curse at each other. At times, it would like it was a game, where he would tell me to say Sorry, but then I would get angry because he wouldn’t say Sorry to me back. It’s just all so immature.
When we left for college, we didn’t go to the same college. It was pure hell. Everyday we would fight. Cause it was like going from seeing each other every day to not seeing each other for a couple months straight, to once every 3 weeks, etc. I’m going to admit that I’m insecure and feel needy at times, and he’s a very strong guy. Does that make sense? Even till now, I feel like we haven’t really matured yet and developed. We’re both 24 y.o.
Everyone always asks us when are you getting married? Getting engaged anytime soon? I love it when people ask, but I also hate it. Because I don’t know anymore if I want to be with him. There’s just no fire anymore. He rarely calls me, he never asks how I am, how was my day, are you ok? He never hugs me, unless I give him a little push or hint that I want to hug. He never tells me that I’m beautiful, unless I ask him if/do I look ok? I’m just crying as I type all this. I lost my virginity to this man. 8 years. He always curses at me. Sometimes we fight solely because I get angry when he uses that language towards me. We could be fighting about something, but the moment he curses at me, I lose it. I then would focus the whole entire argument on why he had to curse at me. He calls me bitch, almost always. He’s called me pathetic fool, idiot, stupid. However, I’m not going to sit here and say that I’m perfect. I too have done very very very wrong things myself, like call him those names as well and threaten him.
There would be times that he’s messaging me every 1 second and everything he says just makes me cry uncontrollably. I cry all the time and he really does not care. It’s like he’s used to me crying and doesn’t give a shit and it doesn’t phase him. He tells me to grow up, be a woman, stop being a bitch etc. We mostly fight because sometimes I just really want to talk to him and really have a normal conversation. He never wants to talk. It’s because he’s so tired from work. I work part time and on my days off, he works. We don’t live together because we come from traditional and religious families. When I ask him questions, he gets pissed off and says things like “stop with the fucking questions.” He also has family problems. His mother and father do not have a relationship at all. They are not divorced, but act like it. His parents still do live together, they just don’t talk to one another.
My parents on the other hand, are also not great. Considering we are religious, my parents always fight. My mom is not nice. She constantly belittles my father. I do not want to end up like my mom. I do respect that she is my mom, but I pray that I do not treat my husband like how she treats my dad. And the fact that both of our parents argue and fight in front of us in our respective homes, is just not right. I would not and could not do that in front of my future children.
Anyways, back to me and him. I guess this background story isn’t in a nutshell anymore.
I try many many many many many times to leave him, but I just can’t find myself to. You know when couples say, “we’ve been through it all, we’ve been through our ups and downs, but we always got through them?” That’s us. I try to leave him and threaten that I would, but I never do. He even says “you say you’re going to leave, but you never do.”
The thing is, he doesn’t do all the things “the one” would do. I read all the posts on this website where their man is always telling them they’re beautiful, he opens doors for me, he calls me up randomly and says he loves me. I don’t think I’ve ever had that. The only time he’ll do it is when I demand it and give him a push. I’m tired of doing that. I don’t even know if he loves me. He’s very career and goal-oriented. He’s in med school. He’s not affectionate at all and not caring, and doesn’t have that sensitive side. It’s absent. I just so wish he was more affectionate and sensitive and gentle and kind.
Maybe I’m just trying to make him become someone that he’s not. Like I’m molding him into this cookie cutter boyfriend that is just perfect. What’s the point of all this I don’t know. I’m extremely sorry that this is so long. This is probably the longest post on this website.
Is there anyone out there who has experienced something like this? I’m tired of crying myself to sleep, listening to sad depressing songs and crying over a guy who I feel like doesn’t even love me as much as I love and care about him. It’s like we both are trying to make it work, just because we’ve been together for this long. Everything feels so broken. I haven’t been held or hugged in a while, maybe I’m missing out on that one guy out there that wants to hold me or hug me.
Is there anyone who’s experienced being in a long term relationship and felt that “spark” just disappear? Is that normal to have those puppy love feelings go away as times goes on?
Please anyone… :'( thank you for reading.
*ALSO- is there a way to assign my post to the Relationship forum?