(Closed) New bee in search of advice…Long, sorry…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you’re concerned about rushing things, just tell him – I’m sure he will understand. It’s better to do that than him buy the ring and you to get cold feet and turn him down Smile

Post # 4
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you should wait until you are both (seperately) completely 100% sure that you want to spend your lives together. That would be the ideal situation. It’s scary and tough and hard, but that’s the way life is. If you guys can get through the stuff that you have been through, you could probably get through anything together. But the fact that he carried on for 4-5 months with another woman raises questions imo. I know that people cheat and have affairs, but he didn’t end it immediately when you found out. I don’t know if that is because you immediately didn’t leave him or what, but that sounds like a pretty serious issue imo. That would be a huge issue for me, but everyone is different and some people are even okay with cheating and don’t see it as really a big deal. Not sure how you feel about it, but that is my input. Good luck.

Post # 5
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@doorstopper:  +1

In most relationships, couples will sit down and have an open deep, discussion about marriage prior to the engagement. Although engagement was mentioned, it doesn’t sound like you two had that talk yet. Pick a good time to have this discussion, be open and honest. So you two can be on the same page. Good luck!

I’d also like to add I think it’s awesome you guys were able to work through your problems and work on rebuilding your relationship, kudos to you two!

Post # 8
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

What is the rush? I would just let yourselves live in boring land for a while 🙂 to make sure that even when all of the stress of the world isn’t there to occupy you, that you’re still able to appreciate and love one another fully.

Post # 10
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I love that you added the TL;DR option… I action did R the whole thing, but it made me LOL.  🙂

I wouldn’t concern yourself overly with attaching an arbitrary time-frame to your reconcilliation period, but definitely don’t move forward with an engagment until you’re ready.  This may seem like a fairly irreverant comparison here, but I believe it was the ever wise Dr. Ruth Westheimer who said in reference to orgasms

“if you’re wondering whenther you’ve had one… you haven’t”

So, if you’re wondering if you’re ready, you’re not…but conversely, I think you’ll really know when you’re ready, and you won’t need an artificial deadline to tell you when that is.

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