- 7 years ago
Hi Everyone! I would like to apologize ahead of time if this post runs long, but I am in need of some serious help with my mother.
I’ll provide a little background info first…
I am newly engageed (YAY!), and our date is set for October 31, 2015. We just booked our venue today because we wanted to get ahead of everyone else who is planning halloween parties. My mother made the deposit for us (not because we couldn’t, but because she insisted). <br />As I was leaving the venue after signing the paperwork, I called her to talk…. All of a sudden she started to question who I had planned on walking me down the aisle.
Here is her reasoning behind the question…. My mother and my father divorced when I was 3 years old. My bio father is nothing more than an occasional (once in a blue moon) voice on the phone. I have seen him twice in 20 years. She remarried when I was 5…. My step-father raised me and is the only dad I know. She decided to divorce him (for literally no reason) when I was 19 years old. I (and my brother) have continued to keep a very close relationship with him (I am 27 now) because he is the only father we have ever known and we didn’t want to lose that. This has bothered my mother ever since the divoce was finalized and I have heard about it every day for the past 8 years.
Back to the present….
Here is how today’s phone conversation went…
Mother: Who do you plan on having walk you down the aisle?
Me: Well John of course. Who else would I?
Mother: *snotty voice* Well don’t you think it should be your mother or brother?
Me: Well Jake will be in the wedding and why would I have my mother walk me down the aisle?
Mother: Because thats what girls with no dads do. Besides, I’ll probably pay more than him so it should be me. <br /><br />
I told her that she was being ridiculous and that I didn’t want to deal with that today. I mean, I am not even getting married for a year and a half and she is ALREADY starting this drama… I also do not think it is right that she is acting like this is an auction or something. If she insists on helping us pay and then wants to hold it over my head, I am just going to tell her to keep her money.
I am also afraid that her crazy husband will try to get involved too. My brother “hurt her feelings” once over telling her that he wished her husband wouldn’t call himself grandpa to my nephews. Her husband went crazy to the point where my brother currently has a restraining order against him and all my mother did was defend him saying “he was upset that my feelings were hurt.”
Am I wrong to feel offended that she even suggested that? I think she is being out of line. My FH said that maybe we could compromise and have my step-dad walk me half way and then pass me off to my mother, but my brother said that I should let her do that to me. She says that since he isn’t blood, he shouldn’t be a part of it.
I personally feel that if she brought him into my life to be my father for 15+ years, she can’t get mad at me for having a relationship with him after she divoiced him. She is upset that I see him more than her, but he lives 5 minutes away and she lives 45 minutes (no traffic, which is rare) and there is no clear shot easy way to get to her house. She doesn’t understand that between work and school, I don’t have time to make a 2 hour round trip to see her. I make it a point to call her every day, so its not like I ignore her.
I don’t know what to do here to keep everyone happy. I really want my step father to walk me down the aisle, but I am worred that her and her psychotic husband will go crazy on us. Should I tell her that it is what it is, or should I try to compromise?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.