- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
I am a new member to the site, though I have read lots of posts about veils and wedding dresses which have been sooo helpful and I finally decided to join up!! I am a university student and have recently become engaged to my dream guy!!
I am getting married early next year and so the planning has begun! Everything has been going quite well so far– cake, reception and church are all booked!! The colour scheme has been picked and I have bought my dress and veil!!! So exciting!!
But I do have this problem which I would really appreciate advice on– My fiance’s mother would like me to invite her old friend and her husband… and their daughter, who happens to also be my fiance’s ex to the wedding!! I am stuck right now because my fiance’s parents are contributing quite a reasonable sum to the wedding plus they have provided us with a place to live after we get married, until we can get our own place. So I am really disliking this feeling of being obligated to invited these people.
I have never met this old friend, but I gather that she is one of my future mother-in-law’s closest friends. I have met the ex though– she has never been rude to me, but we don’t talk, we don’t really get along at all– we are not the same kind of people if that makes sense? Just to clarify, my fiance and her never really got together, but it was a long-standing (10 years or so) thing where they were best friends and he had a big crush on her. They grew up together apparently. She happens to have a certain hai colour, which I know my fiance finds attractive, so I have to admit I kind of begrudge her that. But I know that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. I trust him. My fiance doesn’t particularly want his old crush invited and he understands that it will be uncomfortable for me.
We happened to be talking about the wedding and the guest list came up and we were asked if this trio were invited, to which we answered ‘no.’ My future mother-in-law was there at the time and said nothing about it, but then, later, when she was alone with my fiance she asked if the trio could be invited if she paid for them. My fiance said he didn’t know what to say and so he sort of shrugged.
I just don’t know what to do– I respect my future mother-in-law and I don’t want to be ungrateful for all she has done for us, but I honestly just don’t want to see my man’s ex at my wedding. I need to know if I am being selfish/unreasonable/jealous anout this? I am planning to pay for most of my own wedding and so an extra three people doesnt really make that much difference to me– it is more seeing the ex that is the problem for me.
It seems so wrong to me– to invite her. My own Mother completely took my side and was outraged on my behalf (I do love her!!). My future father-in-law gave my finace some advice which ended with words that went something like ‘weddings are not about couples, but rather about families.’ Is it just me, or is that unhelpful!? And also that seems wrong– that our wedding is not about us getting married but about our families? i kinda thought it was meant to be our special day…
Should I let it go, and invite them and then be unhappy? Maybe it won’t be so bad, because i will have so many other things to distract me on my wedding day? I have been really upset about this, also angry– really the whole range of emotions and when I try and think about it more, try and decide what to do it makes me really unhappy and also ruins my excitement and happiness for the wedding.
Please help me– I am so confused!!