(Closed) New Bee needs advice!!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who do I invite to the wedding?
    Mother-in-law's best friend, her husband and daughter (the ex) : (11 votes)
    26 %
    Just mother-in-law's best friend and her husband : (29 votes)
    69 %
    None of them : (2 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Are you paying for the entire wedding or are your fiance’s parents contributing a lot? You mentioned both in your post. I think your future father in law was trying to point out that the wedding is also a special day for the families that raised the two of you. While it is still YOUR special day, it is also special for the people who are close to you. If your husband grew up with this ex I would imagine that her parents have also watched him grow up and it would be incredibly special for them to witness his marriage. I think a nice compromise would be to invite your future mother in law’s close friend and her husband and not invite the daughter. Your fiance should also be the one sticking up to your future in laws on your behalf (and his). This shouldn’t be falling on your shoulders because they are not your parents.


    Post # 5
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014


    Try & talk to your in-laws. Let them know you understand how much this family means to them, but that it is a bit uncomfortable for both you & partner to have the ex there. Sound them out about just inviting the ex’s parents & see what reaction you get. Chances are this girl probably feels awkward about being there too…


    Post # 6
    46590 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @RedFeather:  Have you asked yourself why you don’t want this ex at your wedding? Is it jealousy or insecurity?

    You said they never really got together but were best friends for 10 years. If you are a university student and your Fiance is anywhere near your age, they were children through many of those 10 years.

    I would take the high road and let the in-laws invite the three of them. After all, you are the one he is marrying. Acquiescing to their request now will go miles towards building a  good relationship in the future.

    Post # 8
    7685 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Just the friend and her husband. The ex is an adult. Adults are not dependent children so don’t get an invite just because their parents do.

    Your fiance, not you, needs to do the talking. He needs to talk to his mother and say that his ex is not welcome.

    Post # 10
    2634 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @RedFeather:  I agree with the most recent previous poster. just invite the parents..she is an adult and therefore would require her to be invited as her own unit, so therefore she should be considered seperately.


    Invite your mom’s friends, no harm there. it would be nice for that. as for the ex, does your Fiance really not want her to be there or does he not care? if it’s a deal, then don’t invite her and just let your Future Mother-In-Law know only the 2 will be invited.


    Aslo may I ask what you meant by “She happens to have a certain hai colour”? 


    Post # 11
    2497 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @RedFeather:  If neither you nor your Fiance want the ex there, then you shouldn’t invite her. I think the marginal social benefit of inviting the ex isn’t worth the insecurity on your wedding day. Just invite the parents.


    P.S. I accidentally voted wrong, so mentally switch over one of the votes from “all three” to “just the parents.”


    Post # 12
    1643 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I dont think there is any harm in inviting the FMILs old friends, but I dont see it necessary or particulary appropriate for her to be invited. You dont want her there, your Fiance doesnt want her there, and other than the fact her parents will be going, she has no reason to be there

    Post # 13
    70 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    May I ask how big your wedding will be? If I you are inviting hundreds of people, acquaintances, your parents’ friends etc, I can see how it might be reasonable to invite your fiancé’s parents’ friends. if, however, it’s a smaller, more intimate wedding, I imagine it would feel less appropriate to have them there. 




    Under no circumstances should you be forced to invite the ex. It is a celebration of your commitment and your relationship and there should be nobody there who makes you feel uncomfortable or infringes on that in any way. I agree with previous suggestions that this is a battle for your fiancé to fight, not you!


    The topic ‘New Bee needs advice!!’ is closed to new replies.

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