Post # 1
I’m new to this and thought I needed to try something new. Me and my SO have been together for three years now. Seems like forever. We’ve been living together for 6 months. We live in a nice little apartment with a cat we adore. I guess the first thing to say is I come for a VERY southern, religious family (although I’ve grown to not be so religious) who aren’t extremely happy with us living together…and firmly believe we should be married (my sister married her husband after four months!) After about two years I started to agree with them, I felt like we were starting to feel stagnant. It was time to more forward.
I first brought up getting married then, although casually. But now I feel like I’m obsessed with the idea. First I’d like to point out some of my SO’s personal quotes/opinions. He believe that when you propose you have to be ready to get married RIGHT THEN. He doesn’t comprehend the idea of a long engagement. We’ve fought back and forth over this topic and I’ve DESPERATELY tried to work with him, and nothing. I’ve said, if you don’t have the money for a ring, I don’t need one….If you aren’t ready for the wedding now we can be engaged for a few years, if you don’t want the “attention” from a wedding, I can give that up too. I feel like I’ve tried to compromise on every level and he’s refused.
I’m starting to worry about it. He says he loves me and I’m the one. That he WANTS to marry me. As you know it’s October and he says he’ll propose by Decemeber. BUT here’s my problem (waiting of course) but what’s the difference in three months? Honestly. I feel like if you know you want to marry someone, why drag your feet. Maybe I’m to down on it. But I could DEFINATELY use some help bees!
Post # 3
Well i think that this
“I feel like I’ve tried to compromise on every level and he’s refused.”
is almost the sadest part of your post.
But bottom line hes proposing before the end of the year! Thats very exciting! I would just wait and try enjoy the waiting time and come Jan 2013 if no ring maybe re-evaluate the relationship. It should be 50/50 not all what he wants and not all what you want IMO.
Post # 4
I’m in a kind of similar situtation as you. I’ve been dating my bf for a bit over 3 years and I was ready to get engaged with a long engagement a year ago. But he wasn’t ready. He said the same as your bf, that he wanted to marry me and loved me, but he just wasn’t ready yet. It’s a big life changing thing! I had to come to terms with the fact that I’d have to wait till he was ready too. Maybe your bf just isn’t READY to make such a big commitment yet, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, he’s just not ready. Try to be patient, it sounds like it will happen soon! Also maybe he’ll have some awesome proposal planned out for a certain time in the next three months. Good luck!
Post # 5
I agree with PP — there is a proposal in sight, at the end of the year! I know it’s sometimes hard to wait (I’m impatient, too!), but try to keep it in perspective. If nothing happens by January, then it’s time to re-evaluate. IN the meantime, try not to dwell on it or nag him about it (easier said than done, I know).
Post # 6
Thanks ladies! It’s a huge help to hear that there are others out there who’ve played this aweful waiting game. I know you are all right, I need to stop obsessing about it! Here’s to hoping it’ll happen when he says. We’ve got to have faith in them don’t we? I’m trying to at least!
Post # 7
Not obsessing is difficult!! For the month or so prior to my engagement (which happened less than two weeks ago!!) I was OBSESSED with planning what I called my “imaginary” wedding. I had it all planned out and was just waiting for the bf to be ready. It’s really important to let him do it in his own (reasonable amount) of time.
I had a close friend push for marriage with her bf and theyre now divorced because the guy just wasn’t ready (I think he was only 19 at the time!). I guess he felt like he missed out on life by getting married so young…
On the other spectrum of things, my sister has been with her boyfriend for 4 years now, they knew each other and were close friends for years before they started dating, but still no engagement! She is 26 and he’s 27 so it’s not like they’re not old enough to be considering marriage. They have lived together before, although they now each live with their parents (which i think is strange…why live together two years and then decide move back home). It seems like instead of moving forward in their relationship they’re moving backwards! I know my sister really wants to get married, I just don’t know if her bf does and idk if they talk about it! She keeps making excuses for him such as her latest that she knew my bf was gonna propose so thats why her bf couldnt…uhh what? That makes no sense.
But ANYWAY…It’s important to talk with your bf about his future plans but I agree with other posters, leave the issue alone and if there’s no proposal by the end of the year as promised, re-evaluate!
Post # 8
I can understand the no long engagement thing. I was engaged for 10 months and that was quite long for me. I did not want a long engagement as I think once you say yes the engagement should be as long as it takes to plan the wedding. I wouldn’t take that as a sign he doesn’t want to marry you, more that just not yet.