Post # 1
Hi everyone! I am a new bee that has been a long-time lurker. I need some advice.
My SO and I have talked about rings/engagement for a few months now, and we talk about starting to look for a ring. The problem is, we say we’re going to go look, then we get to the store and he chickens out. We will be at the mall and walk right past the jewelry place. When I get visibly exasperated, he says “What? Did you want to go it?”. Well yes, I thought that was the whole point of being here! Ugh! So then I obviously don’t want to go becuase it seems to be an issue he’s not ready to deal with. Long story short, I finally broke down one day and started crying about it. He explained he just didn’t have the money right now, and I completely understand that. I told him that I want to go shopping for rings so that he will know what I want when the time is right. I want to be surprised, but I definitely want him to know what I like. I told him I wasn’t expecting anytime soon, I just want him to be prepared so I can be surprised.
Fast-forward to last night. I found a ring online that I really liked that a local store carries. He then says, to my complete surprise, I want to go look at the ring this weekend with you. Shock! So now I’m worried we will have another fake-out and I will be really upset. Has anyone else experienced this fake-out ring shopping? Maybe it won’t happen this time since we talked about it and he knows I’m not expecting a ring anytime soon….? Help!!!
Post # 3
It sounds like you two are more on the same page now than before. Guys don’t typically “window shop” like girls do. Jewelry stores are also really intimidating and some sales people are pushy. I think if you kinda take charge and say hey we will just go in and look at a few and leave it might ease his anxiety about it. Have you thought about going to an independent store rather than the mall? Then there is no option to really walk away from it! Good luck!
Post # 4
@woodchuck: It would be difficult to get “faked-out” like that! I think it’s easier to find what you like online and then go see if you can look at it. MissBri is right; guys don’t window shop really, so he might feel like he’s pressured to buy it right then and there. Sit down with him before you go and tell him that you want him to surprise you with the ring and proposal but it would be beneficial to both of you to at least get an idea of the style and price so you can put together a budget.
My SO suggested we look at rings, but it was me who actually made him go with me. I told him I wanted to stop talking about it and do it. At first I had to drag him with me into the store. I was feeling down because I wanted him to WANT to do this too. After we left he told me he was glad we went in the end. He said it wasn’t the thought of marriage – he knew he wanted to marry me. It was the fact that money was tight and he was intimidated by the price tags and jargon.
We had an AWESOME sales lady who was extremely helpful but didn’t push us. She wrote down all the info and filed it for later. We never felt pressured. All-in-all, despite my SO’s crappy attitude at the start, it was a great experience.
Post # 5
That would be hard! I think it’s totally fair for you to say “I would love to go look at rings with you, and I just want to make sure that you are 100% on board. Last time my feelings were pretty hurt, and I’d rather wait until you are ready”.
Good luck! My So brought up ring shopping twice but never pulled the trigger…I actually just brought it up as “I remember you saying you’d like to go ring shopping…would you like to go this Saturday and grab lunch before?”. Totally worked and it made it his idea and not mine!
Post # 6
For what it’s worth, my boyfriend is one of the most talkative, confident people I know, and ring shopping scared the bejesus out of him. He has gotten me a ton of great, super girly presents over the years, but the moment his toes pointed toward a jewelery store, he felt incredibly out of his element. I think having a conversation about how there is no pressure to buy then and there will ease some of the fear!
We went for the first time back in November, it turned out to be a great experience in that he realized that it actually wasn’t that scary or confusing. I think a guy can google the 4C’s and get very overwhelmed with all the numbers and letters and what not, but it gets better in person.
Turns out the sales lady was super pushy and showing a bunch of stuff that wasn’t in his price range at all (we are talking about like $5,000 over, and the budget is not small), so we are going again this weekend to another place that comes highly recommended from friends. I had no idea about the money stuff at the time because I wasn’t there for the financial conversation. You might want to also think about whether you want to be involved in those conversations or not. At the time, I really didn’t, but since we’ve discussed buying it more seriously, it has started to make a lot of sense to do this as a team.
Hope that was somewhat helpful and good luck!!
Post # 7
@dcgirl655: I second this: You might want to also think about whether you want to be involved in those conversations or not. At the time, I really didn’t, but since we’ve discussed buying it more seriously, it has started to make a lot of sense to do this as a team.
We discussed all of the styles and options we liked and the budget he had in his head before going in. Then we are on the same page and I didn’t have to embarrass him or put him in a bad place because I wanted something that was way more than what he was comfortable spending. Plus, after knowing his budget, I already could get a general idea of what was available by looking online at different retailers and what to steer clear of when we get to a store. FWIW, we picked out the ring before he proposed.
Post # 8
@HopefulInLove: I agree about the “window shopping” thing; he hates it! That does explain a lot aobut the pressure he felt in the past few times we have talked about going.
I feel exactly like you did, I want him to be the one excited about it, not feel like I am pulling his arm to go in the store!
Thanks everyone for the kind words. We have discussed budget to a certain degree so I know a range that is comfortable. After those first few times of not getting to go look, I did resort to looking online and found an art-deco ring I absolutely fell in love with, like cried when I realized it was sold, kind of love. I do have a family diamond that can be used, so he is expecting to have to make a custom piece based on the one I love. It just so happened that I found another ring that we can actually go look at in person. I am so excited and thanks to everyone for the suggestions! I hope this trip is sucessful!
Post # 9
A) Welcome, your avatar is adorable!
B) I am currently dealing with something similar with my SO, he said we would go ring shopping “soon” . . . a little over 5 months ago. Ugh! I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. I hope it goes well! Maybe be up front about your concerns over him chickening out? If you deal with it well ahead of time maybe he will remember when his flight instinct kicks in and he’ll suck it up. 🙂
Post # 10
i think the major limiting factor for guys is the $$$
i know for my guy it was and for his best friend whose gf is waiting, that’s why he hasn’t proposed yet.
i also know that my Fiance hates salespeople, but after looking @ rings with me for hours on end, he’s become numb to it and doesn’t mind the pushiness anymore.
Post # 11
Omg the one and only time I dragged my guy into the jewellery store he was sooooo freaked out. My feelings were actually quite hurt after. But looking back now I can see that he had a lot of stuff going on at the time and it was one more overwhelming thing on his plate. It was WAY easier in the end for me to do all the legwork and go “here is the link. Buy this one.” lol. He appreciated the ease of it.
Post # 12
Thanks everyone for the advice. We did manage to make it in the store and the ring was on my finger! I was so proud! He even talked to the people about the financing, payment plan options and did a credit run. While they were doing that, I quietly whispered, “you know you don’t have to do this” ….his response “I know, I want to, just for a reference, I’m not buying it today. Calm down, why are you so nervous?” WHEW! What a huge sigh of relief! Now I was the one who was pacing back and forth. I think we totally opened up the window to do more shopping and jumped that first hurdle so the hard part is out of the way. Now if I can just remain calm and try not to bring it up every day
Post # 14
Woo hoo! I’m glad you guys went!
Post # 15
aww! I’m glad you went 🙂
PS. Your avatar is ADORABLE
Post # 16
Ha, I went through this with my Fiance. We shopped for nine months before we found something, but mostly did it online. It took him a while to work up actually going to the store, but we finally did and had a great experience (it helped that we had a great SA to help us out). I’m really glad you guys went. 🙂