Post # 91
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Am I wrong to think he shouldn’t nose dive into a serious relationship until he’s finalized his divorce? I’m usually not old fashioned, but IMO, it sounds like he’s rushing things.
Also, the $1400 a month with his limited amount of time with the kids is a drop in the bucket compared to the expense their mother will take on. I think he got it really easy.
It’s fair to wonder what your future will be like, but I sense there will be a lot of resentment on your end and “what ifs” regarding what you could be doing as a couple if he didn’t have those payments.
Post # 92
Post # 93
I think it is fair for you to consider the impacts his children will have on your lives. All of the impacts.
As far as the amount he pays, that is so dependent on how much he makes. My ex pays $1500 for one child. He used to pay more when she was in daycare.
As a single mom I needed that money desperately. We live in a very expensive city. My ex now has a live in girlfriend and the money doesn’t seem to be an issue at all.
Post # 94
honeyhoney2717 : just because you’d be cool with being sexless and alone for years (hypothetically, of course, because one can assume you’ve not actually done that) after a divorce doesn’t mean that those who choose to have any sort of life outside of their children are bad parents. To suggest so is ludicrous. In fact, the thought actually made me laugh.
Post # 95
asaw : I have been on your side of the issue before. My ex husband was required to pay a similar amount, and because his ex wife was awarded the house outright in the divorce, it did mean that we would never afford our own house to buy (at least for the next 8-10 years). So we rented because where we lived rents were significantly cheaper than mortgages. His children went to private school because they got part scholarships. I knew our children would need to go to public school. It was a bit tough to know that my kids would have less financially but it was never a deal breaker, just a little bit of a stressor. I can also totally see the other side, from the mother’s perspective. I think, if you think it will call resentment long term, nip this relationship in the bud. If you think you guys can manage despite it, and you see a future with him, see it as part of the relationship. All relationships have easy bits and not so easy bits. You kinda got to weigh this up in the big picture. My ex and I split up for a myriad of reasons but this wasn’t one of them.
Post # 96
asaw : My husband pays child support for his 16 year old son. It’s like income tax – you don’t even count it as part of your income or factor it in when evaluating your finances, because the money is taken out before you receive your take home pay.
I don’t know how the system works where you live, but in my country it’s calculated as a percentage of the parent’s assets and income. It’s not an amount which is going to bankrupt us. I see it like any other financial obligation either one of us has (loans, university debt etc) – a fact of life and really none of my business provided he isn’t hitting me up for cash to pay for it.
Post # 97
Kids are expensive, and as the father, he has a responsibility to support his children even if it isn’t married to their mother anymore. I’d much rather be involved with a guy who has a large child support obligation than a deadbeat who abandoned his children financially.
Budget for the child support payment, and that’s that. This doesn’t need to be a big issue.
Post # 98
jannigirl : yikes, you seem like a pleasant person. If you want to judge me because to me, my kids are more important than a romp in the sack, then so be it. My job would be to make sure my kids are HAPPY! If they needed me to stay single for their emotional well being, then that is what I would do. Their needs would come first. It seems important to you that your sex life isn’t disrupted. Whatevs…
ps.. I never Said they were bad parents. I just Said what I would do, and what I think Is right. Don’t put words in my mouth . You apparently have a different take on things. I guess Being alone and standing on your own and being “sexless” would be a challenge for you..
Post # 99
honeyhoney2717 : I certainly was not attacking you. I was stating my situation and why waiting until a legal divorce was not realistic. Putting my life on hold for almost a decade was unreasonable.
do whatever you want, but don’t condemn others because they did not wait for a legal divorce. FYI. I was legally separated from the first week we decided to end our marriage. So in every aspect we dissolved our partnership legally.
Post # 100
sdxz554 : I agree with you. I have two children and I want my future husband to only have to focus on the children already in our home. It is hard to add a man to an already established family. It is harder to add additional children. I tried twice and the kids were the reason the relationships did not work out. I am most successful, and my children do better in relationships with men with no children.
Post # 101
honeyhoney2717 : Wow would you like a cross for your martyrdom to make it complete?
Post # 102
glittermoon : Now you’ve made me super curious. You’re adopting your ex’s daughter?
Post # 103
pearlrose : I’m curious too! And they stayed legally married solely the adoption could go through. I am always so impressed with divorcing/divorced parents who can work together for the sake of their kids.
Post # 104
DaniGirl03 : enough! So Because I would choose to do what I Think would be best for MY KIDS you are being snarky? Get a grip. My kids come first. I chose To bring them I to This world and i will do whatever it takes to keep them happy and well adjusted. Saying that in some way is offensive to you? Bitch please