Post # 1
Hello again bees! I am so grateful because 2017 has been a year of great progress for Fiance and I in our careers. In the middle of February, I left my dead end job in inside sales for a wonderful business development role in a startup company. I received a salary spike with a competitive commission package, amazing healthcare, life insurance and 401k benefits, and the job is 5 minutes from our house! Now, my Fiance is leaving his temp position to start his career in IT for a large company at the end of this month, also close to home. Great compensation and benefits as well, and he will be working nights (which I hear is pretty normal for those just starting in the industry) so he can finish his college studies / certification testing during the day.
Now, you’re waiting for the catch, right? Well, here it is: I work traditional 9 to 5 hours Monday thru Friday. Fiance will now be working 12 hour shifts, from 9pm to 9am only 3 nights a week but he is still full time and paid for 40 hours. So, essentially…we will see each other on weekdays from 5pm to 8:30pm and weekends. Bees, I know I have no right to grumble or complain because we are so blessed and the new positions have skyrocketed our income, but I honestly don’t know how to make this work! I can’t sleep at night without him next to me!! He left for a long weekend a few months ago, and I only slept a total of 6 hours over 4 days.
And I’m also so nervous that working opposite hours will take a toll on our sex life, and relationship as a whole. I just don’t know how to make sure that doesn’t happen. Any advice, bees? xoxo
Post # 2
You’ll get used to sleeping alone, trust me. My husband works some overnight shifts. It may take some time but you will figure out a routine – including quickies;) We typically do our own thing when the other is working so that we can spend our off days together. For example, your husband will probably stay up really late the night after his shifts. That is when my husband would play video games, because I am not interested in them and am sleeping. While he is asleep that day, you go and get all your annoying errands done, so that you guys can just chill on the weekends. Or whatever.
Post # 3
It will definitely take getting used too, but it’s only three nights right? That’s four days that he will be home. And it doesn’t sound like this is permanent for him? He’s in school and will eventually move onto the more desirable shifts. So ya, there will be adjustments, but it’s not like you’ll never see him!
Post # 4
How old were you when you started dating?
Post # 5
DH and I were in a similar schedule when we were LDR. So it was a bit different since we didn’t get to see one anothe in person but still had to make it work. What worked for us was really our drive for one another. It was important to us to speak to each other every day and “spend time together”. So I would stay up later at night and chat with him while he was working, when I would fall asleep he would continue to send me messages and songs that reminded me of him and whatever random thoughts he had. Usually when I was waking up he was getting off work so again he would stay up late after he got off to spend time talking to me. Then while he was sleeping I would continue to message him the way he had me.
I guess the big point is that we prioritized our relationship so we found ways that to work around the schedule and still feel connected to one another. You guys will work out a system once it happens so that you are both getting what you need.
Post # 6
We first started dating when I was 22 and he was 25. I’m now about to be 26, and he is nearly 29. So together for almost 4 years. xoxo
I’m so glad you recommended that! Yes, I’m definitely going to use his sleeping time to get errands, laundry, cleaning etc. done so when he’s awake, we can spend time together. Definitely concerned about intimacy…we usually “connect” eveyday day, but I’ll just have to get creative to fit it into the schedule. Lol. Thanks for the encouraging words. xoxo
Correct! Just three nights a week, so it’s not every day which is a huge benefit. Plus, he’s in college and getting certifications while gaining real-world experience at the same time, so I’m hoping this crazy schedule will only be for 1 year maximum. From what I hear, you have to work your way into the more desirable shifts with IT positions; everyone starts in crappy shifts first. xoxo
Post # 7
Hubby and I have a hard time sleeping apart after six years, but push come to shove on the second night we figure it out. It will be an adjustment, but you can get through a year of this.
Post # 8
Ours is the opposite – I’m the one who works nights (max 3 nights in a row 8 hour shifts) and 12 hour weekend shifts…and then if I pick up any evening or night shifts – I’m a nurse. My fiance works day shift in the IT world M-F. We see each other in the evening from about 5:30p-10p and still have a fabulous sex life. So some weeks we don’t have sex for a few days, but I don’t think that’s out of the ordinary for many couples. He doesn’t sleep as well when I’m not there, but he still sleeps just fine (I’m a heater…so he uses more blankets lol).
Post # 9
You get used to it! I use to work 12am-8am with one weekend off a month, while my fiancé worked days mon-fri. It’ll be weird at first but just spend the time you do have together focusing on each other.
Post # 10
We both work days but with my commute I’m lucky if im home 7:30 until we go to bed at 9/10. We get half hour in the mornings getting ready and then weekends. Only a few hours after work before bed is pretty normal. You’ll get over it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2017 - Vineyard on Long Island
It sounds like the perfect excuse to have dinner dates 3x a week!
Post # 12
He left for a long weekend a few months ago, and I only slept a total of 6 hours over 4 days
This sounds a bit much to me.
It’s only three days a week, you’ll get used to it quickly, I say just go for it.
Post # 13
Thank you so much for telling me your experience. It really helps to hear that it can work successfully. Fiance and I have already talked about prioritizing “us” now that our schedules are so wonky. I think that since it’s only 3 nights a week, it won’t be so bad…and then we’ll spend lots of time together weekends.
YES! I keep telling myself that this is just for 1 year – one year will fly by fast!
My Fiance is the heater! lol. The bed is going to be so, so cold and lonely without him. But I’m so glad to know that working off hours did not negatively impact your relationship or sex life. It seems like when I come home from work in the evenings, we’ll have to “get it in” then. Too Much Information. lol
OOOOoooh! I didn’t think of that!! Great call – I’m going to do that for sure. Thanks for the tip!
Part of this is because I filled up all of my free time watching Netflix and spending time with my mom, and part of this is because I just couldn’t sleep. I hate to admit that…but it’s so true. He doesn’t sleep too well without me either. He’ll call or text until the wee hours of the night, and we’re always so glad to be reunited.
I’m actually really happy to hear that this is pretty normal, and that many other couples navigate through crazy work schedules and they are doing just fine! I just need to get through that adjustment period, and then it will become our new normal.
doggeebee : I never thought about couples who have a long commute! Yes, we will only see each other for about 3 hours during the week (on those days he works crazy shifts) and then weekends, so we’ll be fine! Thank you!!
Post # 14
Ok, so you presumably slept fine for the first 22 years of your life without him. I think you’re being a touch dramatic 😛 It will be an adjustment, but you will get into a new routine fairly quickly.
Post # 15
Perfect excuse to make sure he is making dinner on those three nights! I’m not sure what you’re cooking arrangements are, so I don’t want to stereotype, but if you are the primary chef at home it would be great for him to get dinner together those three nights so you could come home and spend all the time relaxing together.