(Closed) New Coworkers

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would say no. I also recently started a job while wedding planning and most poeple would understand that especially 5 months before like your situation is the guest list is basically done. I doubt they would expect it eapeciallt if theyre men.

I also dont think its worth spending the extra money to have co workers that you arent close to at your wedding. It wont affect your job and they probably hadnt even thought you would invite them.

Post # 3
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Do you want to invite them to your wedding?


I don’t think there’s any particular etiquette here. 

Post # 4
261 posts
Helper bee

I started my job in december, i have absolutely no desire to invite anyone to my wedding. Not that i dont get along with them. but no. We havent developed any special anything like I have with my previous coworkers whom i worked with for some yrs.

Post # 5
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

engagedengineer:  I wouldn’t. I have worked here for three years and didn’t invite anyone. 

Post # 7
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

engagedengineer:  i would say it wouldnt be weird. Especislly if theyre men Since they eould understand you would be closer to the other women.

In saying that though you shoild invite people you really want there mot people you want to invite because you feel obligated since they gave you advice and gifts. Like it doesnt sound like you eant to invite them or youre close you just feel obligated.

Post # 8
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why would you invite someone to your wedding if you have no relationship with them outside of work? A wedding is a social function, not a work function. No need to invite any of these people.

Post # 9
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Not unless any of them have become good friends with you and your soon to be husband (regardless of gender). 

Post # 10
1692 posts
Bumble bee

Congratulations on your new job. I hope you may have a long, happy and successful career.

Something that will help your career be successful and happy, is drawing appropriate boundaries, and learning to distinguish between collegial relationships — which are the appropriate sort of relationship to have with colleagues — and friendships. A collegial relationship may, and should, seem friendly and allow the kind of easy communication that is associated with friendship, but it is essentially different. Friends don’t give friends performance reviews. Friends don’t get promoted to positions of authority over one another or have to face the necessity of laying one another off. Friendships don’t start all-at-once when you walk onto a jobsite, nor end all at once when you change employers.

Social celebrations, be they weddings or bat mitzvahs or afternoon tea in the garden, are appropriate to entertaining friends. Work-day lunches, professional association meetings, and drinks in the bar after work are appropriate collegial networking events. Keeping your boundaries clear will make both your work-life and your social life less dramatic over the course of a long career, and your colleagues will respect your professionalism.

I am not saying that colleagues cannot become friends. Of course they can, but it is not automatic and takes more than three months. A distinguishing characteristic of friends is that you are interested in them as a whole person, in all aspects of their life. If a bride finds herself asking “do I have to invite my co-worker’s spouse — I don’t even know the spouse’s name!” or “is it okay to deliver invitations at work because I don’t know my co-worker’s home address” then that is a good sign that the co-worker is NOT a friend. First and obviously, because the descriptor of the person that sprang to mind when the bride was writing was “co-worker”. If the person truly were a friend, the bride would have thought of them first as “friend.” But moreso because one knows the name of a friend’s spouse and children, and knows where a friend lives.

Regarding the gifts from ladies at work, you will want to be very careful accepting those. Small not-too-intimate gifts of no more than nominal value can be accepted. Co-workers should not be giving valuable gifts unless the co-worker is clearly senior to you, so that there is no suggestion of influence peddling of any sort. You will want to check your company’s and your professional association’s ethics guidelines. As long as the gifts fell into that small, nominal-value, collegial category, then you can accept them without having to extend invitations or social friendship.

Post # 11
3611 posts
Sugar bee

engagedengineer:  No, I wouldn’t invite them, and I doubt they’d see anything amiss in it. It seems to me like many/most men don’t take an interest in other people’s weddings. Your colleagues are probably barely aware your wedding is even happening, so I wouldn’t be concerned about any hurt feelings on their end if you don’t invite them, especially because you’ve known them for such a short time. I think you’re kind to want to be inclusive, but it seems unnecessary to invite them.

Re inviting the ladies at your work, it’s not rude to invite them without inviting your direct colleagues. What would be rude is if you were inviting certain members of a circle but not others, but it doesn’t seem like their circle overlaps with that of your male colleagues, so no worries there. However – do you actually want to invite the ladies, or do you feel obligated to invite them out of politeness? If the latter, I don’t think it’s necessary to invite them either given the short amount of time you’ve known them. 

Post # 12
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Cottage on the Creek

no i’ve been working here 2 years and invited no coworkers. it’s just too hard to draw the line, easier to invite none. If I could invite all I would but with spouses thats 25 people and we are having a 100 person wedding!

Post # 13
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

I would invite people that you hang out with outside of work. If you do, then that’s an actual friendship. If you are friendly and have a good time working together, but do not more, I’d consider that just a pleasant professional relationship.

Post # 15
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

we have decided not to invite any co workers. They are a dime a dozen.. they come and go!

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