Post # 1
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
I’m just looking for advice because I’m sitting here at 2 am and can’t sleep…and yall always have such blunt truthful advice, which is what I need to hear 🙂
So short story: Met a guy online about a month ago…since then it’s been constant texting…like literally all the time. Met him 2 times in person (he lives 2 hours away so its been a little tricky). I’m very slow to warm up to people, so I came off as a little standoffish during these meetings (like not wantign to hold hands really, awkward kisses….also originally i wanted to go to church with him, but the morning of I kinda freaked because he’s from a small town and I suddenly didn’t want to meet all his childhood friends and family after knowing him a week)…i kept telling him it wasnt because I dont like him, but because I’m weird with physical touch at first, then I tend to warm up quickly. Last time I saw him was a week and a half ago…since then we still texted a lot..he told me he ‘really really’ liked me, invited me to his halloween party, etc. Well this last Friday night I was super text flirty and told him he shoudl come down Saturday night to stay with me and hang out. He was liek ‘I have stuff to do (family party), but I probably will after it’s over if it’s not too late”….well he didn’t…he texted me at like 6 so say he was sad he couldnt make it..he got busy fixing his washer and there was a leak…ok fine I get it. textign went well that night anyway.
So Sunday…i heard nothing all day. At 4ish I texted the ‘hope youre having a nice day!” and got no response. Then around 10 pm I texted “thinkng bout you, hope you’re not hurt! haven’t heard from you all day!” He immediately texted “sorry been busy I’m alive” So I texted “looking forward to seeing you again!” (we dont have any set plans). Now Monday….didn’t hear from him all day, and I resisted the urge to text him. We’ve never not spoke since I started talking to him a month ago…and I’ve really grown attached to him, as in, I was ready to commit to him as a girlfriend next time I saw him. So I’m crushed by this, and don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he’s a big player…although honestly he’s a nice guy…small town, puts family and church first, all his freinds are married and even like 2 weeks ago i asked him what I should be for halloween and he said “my girlfriend”…ugh..
my heart hurts right now. Think he could be busy of is he not interested? And what should I text him, if anything?
Post # 3
Member
8990 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I am a fan of straight up asking. “You haven’t been replying as much, everything okay?”
Post # 4
Member
4666 posts
Honey bee
I think you should read “why men love bitches”. Men love the chase. You made it too easy for him and he lost interest.
Post # 5
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
I think you’re overthinking this. I don’t blame you, I overthink stuff too! But it sounds like things have been going pretty well for a few weeks, you’ve been texting multiple times a day, he wasn’t able to see you on Saturday but he told you why and was still texting you, and it’s just for the past 48 hours that he’s been unusually quiet. I don’t think that’s anything to worry about – 2 days seems like a long time when you’re waiting for someone to contact you, but it’s a very short amount of time if you’re busy, and it sounds like he’s got family commitments and church commitments, so I wouldn’t jump straight to assuming that he’s playing games with you. I second Hyperventilate’s suggestion – a simple “You haven’t been replying as much, everything okay?” sounds like your best bet.
Post # 6
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
@HappySky7: yes yes yes!!! please read why men love bitches, what happened to you is exactly the pattern that is laid out in the book, seriously that book changed my life. please read it!!
Post # 7
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
@HappySky7: +1
@sweetgirl1234: OP , I think you should stop texting him
Post # 8
Member
4108 posts
Honey bee
Stop texting.
He is either genuinely busy, and the bombardment of texts will come across as needy and or irritating OR he is no longer interested.
🙁
Post # 9
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@HappySky7: I agree 100% could definitely be a case of her being “too available”
Sounds like there was a lot of texting going on… on both sides.
I would want a man to call me (make more of an effort).
Also, you get to know each other a lot better by phone, than just a bunch of written words.
— — —
OP, you want to have the most success at the “Dating Pool”, then I suggest you read up as much as you can on how men think…
As @HappySky7: has said the Book “Why Men LOVE Bitches” by Sherry Argov is a good one.
But I personally like those which are actually written by men themselves… they truly “open the vault” on how men think in particular situations.
Some great authors in this regard:
John Gray = “Men are from Mars ~ Women are from Venus”
Greg Behrendt = “He’s Just Not That Into You”
Dr Phil = “Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got”
Steve Harvey = “Act Like a Lady – Think Like a Man”
Steve Harvey = “Straight Talk – No Chaser… “
Hope this helps,
Post # 10
Member
5408 posts
Bee Keeper
I wish I could have told my 18 year old self to chill with the texts and is he or isn’t he attitude because all of those dating games are obnoxious and when I met FH none of that mattered.
Stop texting though, because he’s either busy or not interested after he no longer has to “chase” you.
Post # 11
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
@sweetgirl1234: I am wondering if he took offense to you not going to church with him. You said it was important to him and his family, so they may have had a talk with him about it. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I agree with a PP, stop texting him. If he is interested, he will contact you. If he doesn’t text again, then you will have to move on. I think it would be fair for him to give you an explanation though, so maybe just ask what happened.
Post # 12
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
It sounds like things have fizzled. I wouldn’t text so much now or in the future. Like others have said it makes you seem unattractive, like you have nothing else to do.
Post # 13
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
@This Time Round: yeah I much prefer the phone conversation. I met my FI online. What a difference to texting!
Post # 14
Member
3042 posts
Sugar bee
@sweetgirl1234: personally I find endless texting boring. I also think being in constant contact can take away something. That said, here you are. Why can call him and talk to him? I don’t think you should be ready to commit to anyone after meeting them twice. Commit what? Your life? Your love?
Give it some space and let him contact you. He is fine so you know if he wanted to be in touch he would be. I agree with those books. The one that helped me most was John Gray Mars and Venus on a Date.
Post # 15
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@sweetgirl1234: sounds like he’s over it sorry. Try calling one time to talk if that doesnt work move on.
Post # 16
Member
3030 posts
Sugar bee
I’m of the school of thought that if someone wants to talk to you, see you, or otherwise invest time in you, they will. As adults we are ALL busy. A, “sorry this weekend has been crazy for me but I’m thinking of you” doesn’t take much time.
However I also hate texting and don’t think its how two adults should begin a relationship, maybe he’s grown tired of it as well? Don’t text him anymore but if he reaches out to you, have a face to face or phone conversation and address your concerns. Also, why be a girlfriend after two meetings? I met my SO online and we spent probably a month and a half of seeing each other daily before we labeled it and committed to each other.
Member
