(Closed) New here

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Welcome to The Hive! 🙂

“I’m not caught up in the idea of a dress, wedding, etc because I’ve had all that 20 yrs ago and don’t need it again.  I just want him to be my husband”

Have you expressed this to him? Having never been engaged before, he could be assuming you’d want a large grand gesture to top your first marriage proposal!

Post # 4
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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carpethatdiem:  Oooh I really hope he is planning on getting you a ring. Maybe the earring question was to throw you off the scent? I would hope that by his age he would have figured out if he wanted to marry you, and hopefilly at Christmas you will get a very lovely surprise!

Post # 5
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I hope he gets you a ring AND a robe. 

Post # 7
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
carpethatdiem:  Ah well it sounds like even if it isn’t a ring it will be something lovely. There was a thread recently about people thinking they were getting engaged and then not and I said that years ago I thought my ex may have bought me a ring from all the things he was saying but what he actually bought me was chopping boards and knives. At least your man has some taste! 😉

Post # 10
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

Welcome! I can’t wait to hear what he gets for you! Maybe he is trying to keep you in the dark so it is a surprise? It is good he is open to talking about rings etc and it seems like he is keeping his eyes out for what you like. Even if he doesn’t propose on christmas, it seems like he is into the idea of getting married soon. Also, can I ask how long you have been together? I don’t think it is pushy to tell him you are ready for marriage and to want to discuss it, he won’t know you want that unless you tell him. It is only pushy if you rush him into a decision he is not ready for or make him feel bad.

Post # 11
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn

It may help to think of this as not just being about wanting a ring. You want to marry him and the ring is just a representation of that commitment. Telling him you want to get married isn’t nagging, it’s being honest. I told my fiancé before we got engaged that I wanted to marry him because I felt like he deserved to know that.

Post # 14
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
carpethatdiem:  

I can totally relate to you!! My fiance and I are also both in our 40s – no kids, no desire for kids…he has been married before – I have been engaged and lived with several people…never married…things with him were different (in a good way) out of the gate…we too moved in together very quickly – shacking up pretty much after the first month…officially moved in together after 6 months…I *thought* we would have been getting engaged after a year/year and a half, so honestly, I was pretty disappointed a few times that there wasn’t a ring…HE would always talk about “us” like an assumed marriage, so I was a little confused as to why there wasn’t a ring…

About 4-6 months before our 2 year anniversary, I had a conversation with him…I basically said – I love you and I know I want to be with you…I know you love me too…as I look into the future, I want to be married…while I don’t want kids, I want that level of commitment…I think after living with someone for 2 years, you know if you want the same with that person or not…if not, that is ok, but please let me go, so I can meet someone that wants the same….while I knew I loved him and wanted to be with him forever, I can’t get inside his head, nor can I make him love me the same…

We have been together 2 1/2 years and got engaged 2 months ago – getting married this coming summer.

I think you should have an honest conversation with him about how he sees the future and set a timeline for yourself if marriage is something you want. It isn’t giving an ultimatum – it is respecting yourself and protecting the life that YOU want…

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