(Closed) New here…. Want to cancel wedding and elope!

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

First of all, welcome to the Hive!  I hope we can calm some of your stress over time!

Second:
Kudos to you for being willing to stand up to your mother for what you want.  I’ve seen so many brides cave to pressures from parents.  At the same time, you need to recognize if they are financially contributing, they do get a say in what happens for your wedding.  It’s just how it works.  You are co-hosting the event with her, it seems, so you have to decide together how things are going to work.  That means both of you would have to agree on things, rather than you saying X, and her booking Y. 

I think you need to sit down with your mother and calmly explain that you wanted a very small, intimate wedding, and that it’s gotten out of control.  If you can make some consessions to her, I would try to do that.  (“Mom, we really wanted a small wedding.  Joe and I have decided to go up to the ski resort and have an initimate ceremony with our closest friends and family instead of the Inn.  I’d love to have your help and support still.  I liked your idea of incorporating roses, although not all roses, into the floral arrangements, so maybe we can come up with a nice idea that we’ll both love!”).  Be firm in your decision, but try to compromise a little, because, after all, this is a big day for her too.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@futurenurse:  Hmmm.  Maybe it’s getting to the point where you have to say, “Listen Mom, I appreciate your help, but we’ve got it under control.  We’d love for you to be there and experience all of the hard work we’re putting together” and not include her in any planning?  It sucks, but it seems like if you just cut her out, maybe she wouldn’t be meddling as much?  I hope she takes the hint and steps back.  Weddings are supposed to be fun! 

Post # 6
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d have to just be honest and say that the wedding is getting to be out of control and not what you and your groom want, so you’re changing plans. It’s YOUR day after all, not hers or anyone else’s. Good luck! (fyi…I had a traditional wedding the first time and eloped this time …. eloping was the better of the two! But it was just the two of us, the Justice of the Peace and the photog…no family…we loved it!)

Post # 7
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t blame you one bit. We had a courthouse ceremony with just us and we are having a vow renewal in Jamaica in November, again just us. I couldn’t be happier that wecare doing it this way.

We are older so we don’t have parents to deal with. Our adult children understood and were fine.

This is why I am not a fan of the hullabaloo of weddings in this day and age.

Stand your ground and do it your way. If the want to be there, good. If not it’s their loss.

Post # 8
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t blame you one bit. We had a courthouse ceremony with just us and we are having a vow renewal in Jamaica in November, again just us. I couldn’t be happier that wecare doing it this way.

We are older so we don’t have parents to deal with. Our adult children understood and were fine.

This is why I am not a fan of the hullabaloo of weddings in this day and age.

Stand your ground and do it your way. If the want to be there, good. If not it’s their loss.

Post # 10
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@futurenurse:  Let us know how it goes! You have to remember, this day is about you two, not your friends, not your family. They need to just be happy with the union of you two and not get too caught up in the details! πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@futurenurse:  good luck to ya!

Post # 14
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

honestly this sounds exactly like what i wanted. my dream wedding turned into someone elses and it wasnt mine. You need to stop ad re-evaluate what you want and iim sorry its not on to pay for your photographers rooms etc. if your mom offered. she pays.. erghhh do what you want or you will regret it! good luck

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