(Closed) New here-Money vent

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Ahhhh, money, the root of most quarels with Newlyweds. You have to understand that it took your Darling Husband a long time, really long time to get here. Don’t expect a miracle in months and when you flip out, trust me, he becomes defensive. At least he IS trying to dig himself out of the hole he put himself. Try and be patient. What comes easy to you doesn’t come easy to him.

Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like your Darling Husband really needs help and I would suggest some kind of financial counseling for you two. He isn’t taking you seriously and he’s too set in his ways of handling (or mishandling) his own $.

This may sound extreme, but if I were you I would try to protect myself financially. Don’t agree to any joint accounts, ask him to sign some kind of post-nup, etc. At least until he changes.

This type of thing can be worked through, but you have to get him on board and be willing to be accountable for his actions. He also has to realize how it affects you.

Post # 5
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Talk to him about what money means to you and how his money mishaps make you feel.  He needs to understand late payments are a really big deal (late payment charges, it hurts his credit score which limits his ability to borrow money, and makes borrowing money much more expensive).  This is especially a big deal when its time to make a big purchase together (like a house).

You need to sit down together and plan a budget.  Have you tried mint.com (its free and super easy)?  Its a fantastic site that puts all your assets and liabilies in one place.  You can easily classify all your transactions into categories (bills, groceries, etc), so you can both see how much is coming in and how much is going out.  The site also has a goals feature where it helps you pay down debt or save money.  It shows you how you can save money (by switching credit cards to cards with lower fees or lower interest rates as well as how to earn more on deposit and savings accounts). 

H and I combined our money and it was eye opening to see what was coming in and what was going out.  We’ve agreed on goals and set a savings plan.  I manage the day to day payment of bills, etc, but H and I sit down at least once a month and review our budget – what came in, what we spent, and how we can do better next month.  Its really helped me feel better about our finances and its helped H feel more comfortable discussing money.

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

One more thing.  You also need to talk to him about lending money to people.  Decide together how you want to handle it, but I think a rule of thumb is money is not lent to anyone unless you both agree. 

Post # 7
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Some people never learn good money habits, and it sounds like your hubby’s family didn’t teach him how to manage his money wisely. Maybe he needs to sit down with someone to explain to him how he’s actually pouring money down the drain in interest by making only the min payments, how he’s adversely affecting his credit (and how that would affect any of your future plans to buy a car or home) just by being carelessly missing payments.

Does he want to have a family with you? Does he want his kids to go to college? What if you both get sick or hurt, or lose your jobs, and there is still all that debt to pay off? Maybe he’s never seriously considered these possibilities, or hasn’t made the connection between his goals in life and having the financial means to acheive those goals.

His behavior when it comes to money might seem totally irrational to you, but money can be such an emotional thing for some people that it’s hard for them to look at it rationally. Getting some financial counselling with him might help to objectively identify the patterns or attitudes that keep leading him into trouble.

Post # 9
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Mrs.LovieLovie50: That’s great! My dad still hasn’t learned to say no! My poor, long-suffering mother…

Post # 10
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

you need to sit down and have a long talk about money. i would probably bring in a third party to help educate you two. does he understand how much damage just 1 late payment does? has he tried to buy a car or house? that was a real eye-opener for me.

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