- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
prettyemme: I know it seems most posts here seem negative but i think it comes from concern and experiences that want to spare you more heartache and troubles in the future.
Emme, I know you have overcome a lot in the little amount of time you have had. I’m sooo glad to hear that you are open to seeing this in a different perspective and going to counseling. Please correct me if I’m wrong but you said you were dating him when your parents were alive when you were 20 and then they both were alive when he proposed at 8 months but you have only been dating for a year, so your parents have only been gone for 4 months and you are wanting to jump into marriage so quickly? As I told my own children, do not marry until you are 25-30 at the earliest.
I know he has helped care for you and has been there but that is also something that really good friends do. You don’t even live with this man yet. This would be his fourth marriage, i know one passed on, but despite you citing about seeking advice with a pastor and being religious, it’s clear that divorce is not something he is opposed to. Is that within your religious beliefs if he should choose it again?
You just lost your parents 4 months ago (?), you keep stating how much you are in love with this older man. My question to you (and you may not even know yourself yet) but are you truly in LOVE with this man or are you in love with the idea of being in love and having someone to take care of you. It seems from the psychologic standpoint is that you are trying to replace the loss of your father. Trying to have someone that cares about you and wanting to fill that void you have right now. As others have suggested, this is something that only grief counseling can help you through. There are lots of ways our bodies and minds react without us realizing that can be destructive or manipulative as we each try and cope with grief, trauma, harsh life experiences, etc. This is exactly what you are going through right now.
Maybe his family, despite the other theories that have been posted, is also concerned in the place that you both are in life right now. Not just him wanting a 4th marriage but also you just losing your parents and not having many siblings or friends, that they see that as a destructive decision on your part as well. I’m concerned that you keep stating over and over about how you truly love him, it almost seems like you are trying to convince yourself and others that this is a viable relationship. No one is arguing your feelings for him, yet it seems like you keep trying to convince yourself by repeating it. Being wealthy has nothing and I mean nothing to do with love and marriage. If either of you had no money at all, would the relationship still exist? Please think of all these questions and talk about them openly with him. You should be able to talk about anything and everything with him. This included.
Hugs to you. I know this can’t be easy. We are all strangers here just giving input on our life experiences. Life experiences that you have not had time to even have yet. I’m just thinking as if you were my daughter (since you are their age) and what I would say to you. We have 5 kids and I know from myself at that age, my friends, life experience and my own children, that at 21 years of age, none of them want to listen to adults. They all think that what they are doing is the right thing to do despite what others think or say to them. Sometimes, they have to learn their own mistakes. This is a huge thing you want to do and everyone here is just expressing that they know this would be a mistake for you. I want to say trust us, but only you can make that decision.
I suggest you really ask him to wait, at least another year. Let you have some time to get counseling and deal with the 2 very traumatic deaths you just experienced. If he truly loves you like a man who wants to marry a woman should, he will do anything for you and wait.