Post # 1
Hi, I’m new 🙂 only recently came across this forum and so thought I’d post to get some advice really.
I just wondered how I can try to take my mind off the waiting? My other half and I have been together for almost 7 years. We have talked about getting engaged and marriage extensively over the last couple of years, and I try not to bring it up too often but it is on my mind a lot! He said that he would start thinking about it after our graduations and once we had settled into our new jobs. I try not to get my hopes up, I know that he wants it to be a complete surprise but then my imagination goes haywire and I often end up getting privately upset. I then feel envious of others who get engaged and feel awful for it! I know that before we had finished university it wouldn’t really have been the right time, but now I have no idea what he’s waiting for!
Family and friends are always asking when it’s going to happen/ why it hasn’t happened yet..!
I don’t really know what else to do. Or how to respond to family interrogations
Post # 3
@LittleWigeon: Welcome!! You are most certainly not alone in your feelings! I can only tell you has worked for me to get my mind off waiting, and I know it is a hard task to accomplish! I have found that this site helps tremendously. It also helps me from overloading my friends with my endless babble! When I am feeling really down I like to think about how happy I will be when it does happen. Then the feelings of confusion/anger go away for a while. I also like to take time and do something nice for myself. Whether it be shopping, getting my nails done or just doing something I like to do, it always takes my mind off things. As far as your famiky and friends, well there will always be people asking. Thats the first question I gert asked! I just tell everyone that he’s planning it and its a complete surprise and I’m just fine with that! You could also try bringing it up and seeing if he is thinking about getting engaged and taking the next steps now. If he is willing to talk, even if its just enough to tell you yes, that would be some peace of mind. He may already be planning things you never know!
Oh and those other people getting engaged before you, ignore them! We all have those feelings! I just tell myself thay anyone can get married if they want to, not everyone has a great guy and will have an amazing marriage like you!
Post # 4
@LittleWigeon: Welcome! I like your username– I’m assuming it’s a reference to the lovely little wild ducks?
Keeping one’s cool over waiting is why all us waiting bees are on here. It’s a most excellent place to talk about all the various emotions and difficulties and exciting moments, where we all get how it is. I don’t have anyone I know face-to-face to talk to about it– no one can relate– so it’s wonderful to come here.
My advice is partially seconding EmilyJoy’s– do something nice for yourself when feeling down or impatient. Also, keep doing romantic, fun things with your SO– dates and doing fun stuff together help keep the crazy away. Also, I’ve found that when I’m not in school (I’m a graduate student) and I can be at home with him, it is somewhat easier– I think the school-enforced distance for a week or two at a time, which is how it works for me, makes the waiting much worse, because I long to get engaged in order to be closer/more committed when I can’t be around him every day, if that makes sense.
Also, try not to hint about it to your SO unless you want to have a real conversation about it! Hinting lightly and getting the resulting short, caught-off-guard and semi-joking responses that tends to induce in a lot of guys (I know mine does this, and I bet we’re not the only ones!) only makes one want to talk about it more, in greater depth, and after one has brought it up and feels like one can’t say any more, that is super frustrating!
When are you two going to graduate? Do you have part-time jobs so you can start saving for rings/the wedding now, so it will happen faster? Maybe it’s time for you to have a conversation about what happens after graduation, and how quickly, and how you both can prepare now.
Post # 5
Thank you so much for replying! Aha yes my username is a reference to the ducks 🙂 I can’t tell you just how much of a relief it is to find a group of people on the same wavelength as I; I don’t really have anyone I can speak to in person about it either!
Luckily my SO is fairly good when we do have a proper chat about it. He’s said and promised that he will do it, although he never gives too much away because he ‘wants to retain an air of mystery’ (his words 😛 cracks me up). We’re finding a house in the summer, and the last time we had an in-depth talk about it he said he doesn’t know if he’ll do it before or after we get it.
We graduated with our first degrees last July. We went away to different universities and so spent four years long distance (I can definitely sympathise with you there!). However we have been back home properly since last summer and are now postgrads at universities back here. He is earning a wage throughout the course of his PhD and I receive a bursary for the duration of my teacher training, so we are saving fairly well.
I’ve been patient for this long, I’m sure I can try to be patient a little longer! 🙂
Post # 6
Hi and welcome!
I’m another uk lady-in-waiting! Taking your mind off waiting is hard, but hopefully the board will help cos you can vent on here! I’ve been with my oh 9 years and I find it v v v v hard sometimes but some days are definitely better than others. Someone on here said you have to trust your oh; if he’s told you that he’s going to do it then believe that he will. Keep the faith! Lol!
I hope it happens soon for you, just throw yourself into your study. I have an inkling that once you’ve finished and moved into your house you’ll get a proposal practically straight away -just a gut feeling!! Fingers crossed for you.
Post # 7
Hi! Haha thank you. I have a gut feeling it will be this year too; he let something slip once about wanting to have done it by the time we are 24, and we both turn 23 next week. I trust that he says he will, but it’s so hard not to get impatient!
Hopefully if I can nip on here every now and then I’ll stop bringing it up and bothering him with it. He says he doesn’t mind as he knows how important it is, but I don’t want to put him off the idea =P
I hope it happens for you soon too =)
Post # 8
English Girlies!! Hi!
I am the most impatient person in the entire universe, so the last 6 months (which is the time I consider myself to have been officially waiting) have been difficult, painful at times. All I can say is you will have good days and bad days (or weeks!) but you have to trust your SO when he says it will happen. The faith that my SO will propose when he is ready (I think 2013 is my year) is the only thing that keeps me going. Imagine if you ‘hassle’ your boyf into proposing?(not saying you are BTW) Wouldn’t be the same would it? That thought is what keeps me from hinting constantly or screaming MARRY ME DAMMIT in his face.
I have sent him a couple of links to rings that I like which he has curiously inspected, but apart from that, I’m just doing my best to leave him alone and let the whole process happen organically.
best of luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx