(Closed) New house or baby first…my wants or his?

posted 4 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
1935 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m a cat person 🙂  Why is cat getting kicked out when you move? 🙂 I have one cat that wishes he was outdoor but our neighborhood isn’t okay for it.  Coyotes in the woods. Other cat has no interest in getting outside.

It sounds like a compromise is in order, somewhere between the two. I think you can fit a baby into a townhouse and if it were me I would say start looking for a house when you have a toddler, when baby starts getting a bit older or when you get pregnant with a second child.  As for all of fiance’s stuff … what is it like? Is it really worth storing, even for free at his Mom’s? I just combined households with SO and we got rid of a lot of pretty nice things that weren’t worth storing and waiting for a future bigger home. Someday we will need more stuff but the day is not now and it wasn’t worthwhile to us to hold onto things.

Post # 3
260 posts
Helper bee

get a houe.  housing prices &interest rates rise.  kids deserve a home you both are happy with.  


getting pregnant can take a while so work on the house and see what happens with a baby.  

Post # 4
8915 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d get the house but put a time limit on it. Say one year until TTC or something similar.

Also I feel bad for the cat.

Post # 5
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I also live in NoVa and understand that our idea of a crappy commute is a hell of a lot worse than most areas and the houses are a lot more expensive. I also know how hard it is to find a house where you can have an outdoor cat around here (we have a leash law…for cats…seriously).


If I were you I’d set a timeline. You wworkhard and save until you can sell your house and buy a new house. You know the financials– how long would it take you to get 20%? Probably not long if you sell your house. Then agree x months (I vote 3-6) after closing you go off of birth control. That is a clear timeline so you’ll have some sense of what you are working towards.

If it takes 6 months to save, 4 months to buy/sell, and then you agree on a 6 month adjustment period, it isn’t that long. It does mean 2 more years of working and is way longer than you want, but not unreasonable.

Why I’m taking his side (with a firm timeline) is based on having the same fight with Darling Husband. I am so happy I caved and we bought the house first. Now we know we can afford it when we have kids, have time to make it ours, and don’t have to go through the stress of closing with kids.

Babies will come, but affordable housing is becoming more and more rare.

Post # 6
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013


MissKittyBoo:  I would say baby…..I am 33, so I am in the same boat, that you aren’t getting any younger, and no one is every 100% financially ready to have a baby.

P.S.  Could you just give the cat away?  It breaks my heart that you would put it outside!!

Post # 7
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would go with house.

Post # 8
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MissKittyBoo:  We did house first and actually conceived right as we found the right home.

Wanting to start a family actually got us off the comfortable tiny bungalow and ready to sell, buy, and move!

Post # 9
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

House and baby are both big decisions. I know the biological clock is ticking, but I would want to wait a bit before conceiving. There’s no going back once you have a kid, and it’s nice to cherish your time together as a newly married couple before having to do all the childrearing. If you both have a clear timeline of when things will happen, I think it will be ok.

Post # 10
14725 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Why not just sell the 2 houses and pay off the car and buy a new home?  Then start TTC right away?

Post # 11
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

MissKittyBoo:  You crack me up. Personally, I would get the house first, get settled and then have the baby. I know you are 30 and really really want kids, but having that satisfaction of being settled enough to have kids and not worry about the next move, and making that home your family home from day one would be ideal for me.

It sounds like both of you are on the fast track for all of this anyways, so why not start looking for a house, get married, hopefully have a house the first few months of the new year and during that time try to have a baby?

No one is ever really ready to have kids so if it happens it happens and if it happens before or after you move, so be it!!

Either way, best of luck!!!!

Post # 12
7658 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MissKittyBoo:  You already own 2 houses?? How many houses does he need before he’s ready?

He’s being silly. He’s trying to be over-cautious, but he’s not mindful of your biological clock. With a mindset like his he’ll never be ready. I agree with you: get the dream house and TTC ASAP. If he’s not happy with “ASAP”, but a time limit on it, like your 33rd birthday.

We conceived with only the (small) house we were living in. For someone to say they’re not ready when they own two houses and are in their 30s, really blows my mind.

Post # 13
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

How long does Fiance want to wait to buy the house? If he thinks it will only take a year, ok, I would wait. But 3-5 years? No way. At 31, who knows how long it will take to get pregnant! Of course there are plenty of women who have children in their mid to late 30s but if it does end up taking a year or longer, that is precious time wasted. :-/ I wouldn’t want to wait too long if I were you.

Post # 14
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

MissKittyBoo:  I’ve always been a fan of having kids at an earlier age (reasonably!) because your body is able to recover faster and your babies tend to have less health issues (I know I’m generalizaing here).

It’d be different if you were in a 1 bedroom apartment with not enough space, but here you obviously CAN make it work. Plus, you can always buy a house later? Housing prices are constantly fluctuating 🙂

Post # 15
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

MissKittyBoo:  personally i would not want to live in a 2 bedroom multifamily setting while raising kids, and I also look back on my own childhood and remember how much I loved having a nice big house. I would want (and plan) to give my own children the same.

That said, how long will it be before you will realistically buy this house? (sorry if you said and I missed it). If it turns out that it will be another 5+ years or something like that, I would probably go ahead and concieve as I strongly prefer not to be pregnant/give birth after 35 if I can help it. If that was the case I would probably try to time it so by the time the child was 2-3ish we were moving into a house.

At the end of the day you can’t plan everything in life so compromises on both sides will probably be made somewhere to soem degree — but what I would want to make absolutely sure is that you and husband communicate and stay on the same page so no one feels resentful.

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