- Ms. Darko
- 10 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
So, the past 24 hours have been strange to say the least.
In my last post a few days ago I mentioned that my boyfriend seemed worried about finances and the stress of Christmas spending. When I approached him about it he told me not to worry and that he shouldn’t have said anything, he’s just stressed. I decided I would try very hard not to bring up the topic of engagement etc. It was going well for a while, but alas I have failed.
A little back story – I’ve thought that he has maybe been custom making a ring or started paying for a ring since September when I found several clues (layaway receipt, business card, ring brochure). I’ve been wondering what is taking him so long and he had said many months ago that he will propose in 2011. For some reason I thought maybe, just maybe a proposal could happen sometime around Christmas and New Years.
So, last night we attended his company Christmas party. While getting ready to go to it, we were joking around and having fun, talking about Christmas. I jokingly (but seriously said) “I only want one thing for Christmas”. He knew what I meant and said “Well, you’re not getting it.” My heart sank. I couldn’t help but remind him that he previously promised a proposal this year. I told him that it really hurt that it seems he’s going back on his word. He had nothing to say.
So we went to the party and I was feeling pretty bummed out about our conversation. Every year for the past 3 years, one of the employees wives asks me the same question “are you engaged yet?” I knew it was coming and was dreading it. So, she asked me and this year I said with my boyfriend standing right there “No, we are not. In fact, he told me not to expect a proposal any time soon.” She replies with “Really? He told me it was happening soon. Well, maybe next year.” My boyfriend stood there while we exchanged these words and chuckled, seeming unfazed. Later that evening my friend who is the girlfriend of one of my SO’s co-worker started questioning me about if we have plans to get engaged any time soon. I told her what I just found out. I’ll admit I was drinking and talking way too much about it, I wish I hadn’t. She said “You know, my SO and I were talking about you guys last night and wondering why your SO won’t get on with it already.” What a night.
Here’s where it gets even more awkward. This afternoon we went Christmas shopping at the mall and as we’re walking past a jewellery store he says “let’s go in here and you can show me which ring styles you like.” I was so taken aback because i was certain he had a ring already. I wanted to focus on showing him styles I like but I blurted out “Really? I honestly thought you’ve had a ring already for the past few months”. He did not deny or confirm what I said, but seemed very frustrated with my comment. So, as we’re casually browsing, I come across a display case filled with the same rings/brand contained in the brochure I found months ago in our house (he doesn’t know I saw the brochure). So, I point to the rings and say “wow, this collection is nice” and he tells me those rings are filled with cheap flawed stones, I wouldn’t buy it for you”. WHAT?! So, all this time, I thought he had bought one of those rings and he hasn’t?!
So we continued to look briefly at other rings and I told him a few styles that I am fond of, but it doesn’t seem like he’s really taking all my information in. He told me afterwards that he couldn’t believe my timing when I told him that I thought he already bought a ring, WHILE we’re looking. I apologized and didn’t go into details. Today he also admitted that his mum wanted him to give me her mothers old engagement ring. He said he declined because he doesn’t think I would like the style.
He just dropped me off at home and went out shopping for Christmas gifts alone.
Ladies, I am so confused. All these months I thought a proposal was a sure thing this year and that a ring was ready and waiting. I can’t help but feel disappointment. To think you’re so right about something and find out that you are not at all right is so strange.
I know I should be happy that he has at least been thinking about engagement. I also know that I should stop trying to control every aspect of my life, but it’s hard waiting for this.
I am going to leave him alone about all of this because I’m still trying to process everything I found out.