- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2017
I set the date for my wedding (8/25/12) last July. My younger sister, who got engaged around the same time I did, and has been telling everyone for the past year that her wedding will be sometime in early 2013, decided about a month ago at her FMIL’s urging that she was going to bump it up to July 6 of this year. It took me a little by surprise. I don’t care that she’s getting married before me, and I don’t feel like the entire summer belongs to me. But I did have some concerns about whether two weddings in two months would inconvenience our mutual guests, particularly those who have to come in from out of town, as well as inconveniencing our two mutual bridesmaids who now have more Bridesmaid or Best Man expenses.
I am also supposed to be a bridesmaid for her, and while I wasn’t over the moon at the prospect of incurring some additional expenses I had not budgeted for right before my wedding, I want to stand up for my sister (she didn’t really ever ask me – just texted me the color of the dress I should buy – but she’s my sister and I think it was a given that we were all going to be in one another’s weddings). I have not said anything negative to her about her decision to move up her wedding date. My other sisters did sort of get into it with her and told her they thought her decision was rude. She got pretty defensive, though now they’re okay.
The following problem did not occur to me until about a week ago. My sister’s wedding is 5:00 PM on a Friday. I’m currently in the process of applying for the job I have been aspiring to for the last 10 years. It is the reason I chose law as a profession in the first place, and I am very serious about it. I’m in the last stages of the interview process, and people are telling me if I made it this far I’m basically a shoe-in. If I get selected, I’ll be starting the new job in mid-May. My feeling is that I do not want to request a personal day within my first two months of working there. The entire first year there is considered a probationary period. I am concerned about the impression I will be making (not to mention I don’t even know if their policies will allow a personal day during the first few months). My wedding is one thing, and the date was set before this place opened up their application process, and I’ll have been working there for over three months by then – but even then, I’ll probably request two days maximum for my own wedding.
My family is important to me. My career is important, too, though I always said I don’t believe in putting my career before my family (on some occasions I think you have to, but as an overall rule my career does not rank above those I love). However, part of me feels like my sister made her bed by making a relatively last-minute scheduling decision without a lot of regard for other people. (One of my other sisters pointed out to her that our brother, who is in the Navy and stationed on the East Coast, won’t be able to come to her wedding in July because he’s already using his leave for mine. She replied, “What, so I’m supposed to plan my life around him?” My sister is a good person, I just think she sometimes has a lack of perspective when it comes to other people.)
This is a really difficult decision for me, made a little more difficult by the fact that I won’t know for sure what my situation is until May. If I tell her I may not be able to be in her wedding, I think it will cause problems. I’m willing to just buy my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress now in the hopes that I’ll have a cool supervisor who will let me slip out of work a few hours early. There’s also the possibility that I could get to the venue in time to be in the actual ceremony but just not be able to participate in the pre-wedding stuff like photos, setting up, etc. But even that, I worry would cause problems.
But if the office they assign me to is on the other side of the county (which could be two hours in bad traffic) and I can’t make it to the wedding without officially requesting personal time… am I terrible for not wanting to put in that request at work? I just don’t consider it a good tactic for a new attorney to the office trying to make a name for herself. Maybe I’m too cautious, but this job is really important to me. 🙁