Post # 1
Member
9 posts
Newbee
Hi,
Darling Husband and I both are 29. I have Stage III endometriosis and had laproscopy done in April 2017. I was told my endo is severe and was suggested to go for IVF direclty. I am in my 2ww of my first IVF cycle. we have been struggling to get pregnant for last 2 years and I am really hoping this ivf cycle works. I have been offered a great job in a different state ( 4 hours by air). I feel like I am at a dead end in my current job with no career growth ( it pays good and has great benefits and sick days and vacation) and the new job gives me management experience. My husband has a great job where we currently are right now. I have never been pregnant so I am not sure how hard it will be going through pregnancy alone. I am in a huge dilemma as the new job sounds like once in a life time opportunity but the only downside is it is in a really small town plus I will have to handle my pregnancy away from my husband, family and friends.
What would you suggest? If I do take it – it will be a new place, new job and living alone while going through first ever pregnancy. If I don’t take it – I may never get an opportunity like this.
Thank you so much for your help in advance.
Post # 2
Member
5111 posts
Bee Keeper
Would your husband plan on moving to the new city eventually? Or would the long distance be indefinite? Pregnancy aside, I wouldn’t want a long distance marriage or to be essentially be a single parent once the baby was born. I’ve never been pregnant, but I know several women who were pregnant while their SOs were deployed and they did fine with it.
ETA: Also make sure to check into maternity benefits at the new place (I’m sure you probably have, but just saying). Sometimes stuff doesn’t kick in until after a year of employment and such, so it’s something to be aware of if you’re going to be taking leave.
Post # 3
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
endobee : Wow, I wish you peace in making this decision.
I would make sure to consider FMLA and disability leave if you plan to go back to work after baby.
However, as someone who has been TTC for two years and been through IVF – you already know that this process isn’t guaranteed. Personally some of our TTC struggles really had us put our lives on hold. We didn’t go on vacations, we had to plan/schedule everything around IVF, transfers, etc. etc. I would probably take the job, and if you end up being pregnant – great!! If not, you are advancing your career and will figure out the rest of your TTC journey as it happens.
When would the job start? Not that you want to go this route, but if you found out that this cycle worked, and ultimately changed your mind, would you have time to accept the job but not give notice to your current one yet?
As far as pregnancy alone – I really wanted my husband around for some of our big appointments – with ultrasounds or results from testing, etc. But honetsly he hasn’t come to the majority of my regular OB appointmnets, it just hasn’t been necessary (and he came to every single infertility/IUI/IVF with me). I also have a Darling Husband that doesn’t really cook, so during the first half of this pregnancy when I wasn’t feeling well he was sort of on his own for dinner anyway and I just ate whatever I could to not feel sick.
Would your husband eventually relocate to be with you? If not, that might change my opinion completely.
Post # 4
Member
9174 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
going through pregnancy alone wouldn’t be ideal, but it can be done. i did all my shots myself for my IVF rounds to get DS and did the first few weeks of shots for my FET for current pregnancy myself as well. then told my husband he had to suck it up and do them.
the pregnancy isn’t the hard part.
i wouldn’t want to be a single mother when i had a husband. is he planning to move near you when the baby comes? is he ok with being so far away and not seeing his child all the time?
good luck with whatever you decide.
Post # 5
Member
9444 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Is your husband planning on moving to you? Or you plan on moving back..?
Personally, no, I would not move away from my husband for any reason, let alone being pregnant.
You also won’t be covered by FMLA with the new job. So they could hypothetically just let you go once you go on maternity leave.
Post # 6
Member
9 posts
Newbee
SithLady : Thank you for your response 🙂 he is trying get a transfer from his company. it won’t happen for atleast next 6 months. once the baby is born, we won’t do long distance for sure. we will just have to figure something out once baby is born. I am in Canada so i get one year maternity leave. i feel that will give me enough time to figure things out. he tells me he will fly in every 2 weeks so I am not alone all the time. He def wants to come to all the big appointments as well.
Post # 7
Member
9 posts
Newbee
ajillity81 : Thank you for your reply 🙂
e is trying get a transfer from his company. it won’t happen for atleast next 6 months. once the baby is born, we won’t do long distance for sure. we will just have to figure something out once baby is born. I am in Canada so i get one year maternity leave. i feel that will give me enough time to figure things out. he tells me he will fly in every 2 weeks so I am not alone all the time. He def wants to come to all the big appointments as well.
Post # 8
Member
5111 posts
Bee Keeper
endobee : In that case, I say go for it! Best of Luck!
Post # 9
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
More info is needed-> what is the long-term plan for your marriage and career? Would your husband be able to transfer or find another great job in your new area? Or would doing the dream job for 1-2 years put you in a position to get a much better job where you currently live? Or???
Long-distance pregnancy is one thing, but long-distance marriage is stressful and IMO, risky, if it drags on too long or doesn’t have a firm “end date”. Especially if it entails one spouse basically becoming a single parent to a newborn.
Personally, pregnant or not, I would NEVER move thousands of miles away from my husband for a job. If we were in your situation, it would have to be one of these three options:
1. He moves with me for my dream job and we jointly decide it’s the best move for our family
2. I would stay where we are because we jointly decide it’s best for our family
3. We would research other cities where we could maximize both careers and job search there.
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