- 2 years ago
Hello ladies, wanted to introduce myself.
I’m divorced and my ex remarried about a second after our divorce was finalized. We share a little boy with special needs and coparenting has been challenging – as in my ex doesn’t coparent at all, I coparent with his new wife via a notebook we pass back and forth. I met my boyfriend almost 2 years ago. He’s a single dad. He’s definitely the great love of my life. There is no comparison between him and my ex husband, and that’s a great thing! We have talked about marriage for a good while. There were several things on his side that he needed to get in order before we could come together, and he’s totally worked on everything he said he had to. I’m someone who needs time frames and deadlines, he is not. So, there have been some arguments over me feeling like he’s dragging his feet when I don’t have a specific date marked on the calendar, or when he fails to randomly update me on the status of everything.
Around the beginning of the year we discussed that we’d plan on merging our households in early 2019 and get married soon after. I’ve always wanted an antique engagement ring. Back when I got engaged the first time in 2007 sites like Etsy didn’t even exist. My ex also didn’t care much about finding a way to get me what I wanted, so I got a plain solitaire. It was large and don’t get me wrong, a gorgeous ring. But it wasn’t ME. Since the start I’ve shown him antique rings I like. He wasn’t big on a lot of the designs, but there was one in particular he also liked a lot. In February he was cruising Ebay and found one. He sent me the link and when I verified it was what I liked, he bid on it. Neither of us expected him to win it because at that point he had a relatively low limit. Lo and behold, he got it. By the end of March it had been sized and back in his possession. None of this was planned, it just happened to work out.
I should make it clear that if I’d wanted the ring on my finger the day it came back from the jeweler for sizing, I could have had it. He doesn’t need any particular type of proposal – it’s all me. I told him I wanted to be asked. I asked him several times if he’d make me wait long before he proposed – he said no. Obviously our definitions of “long” are very different. I’ve read some of the posts here and I know I’m not alone in this situation. I’ve brought it up in roundabout ways 3 times. He’s told me he’s waiting for a chance to do it.
With us both having kids and working full time, there is nothing spontaneous with us. There are no trips planned for us at all, not even any fun date nights on the books. The few people I’ve talked to say to be patient as he’s probably planning something. And of course he says he’s “waiting for his moment.” Unless that moment is going to take place at my house on my couch, there is no way anything is planned. I think he wants me to feel secure just knowing he has a ring, and not worry so much about when I’m getting it. The last time I said something just a few days ago, he did say that the nagging didn’t help. I expressed that I didn’t believe he had any plans for proposing to me.
So here we are, just over 2 months since he’s had the ring ready to go. If I thought there might even be a quiet date night any time soon, or he expressed interest in venturing out and doing something – even going for a drive – I’d think he had a plan. But there’s totally nothing.
I love him, but I’m starting to get pretty annoyed with him. Again, I know I’m not alone!
Thanks for listening to me vent!