(Closed) new lonely bee

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

First of all, welcome and congrats on your first post, even if it was a difficult one. This is the place to vent all your feelings, and if you feel like you have no one to talk about engagement or wedding stuff, this is the place! 

As for your boyfriend — just from what you’ve mentioned here it seems like he has a lot of issues and emotional baggage that he has brought to your relationship. I think after three years together and with him being in his mid-30’s, it’s a little ridiculous for him to expect you to wait around while he sorts his issues out. Everyone has issues from their past that they may need counseling to get through, but that gives him no reason to make excuses and postpone major decisions like marriage. It seems like he has taken you and your support for granted. When does he think he will have his issues under control enough for him to be able to move forward with your relationship?  Why is this all about him? I think he’s being a little immature and selfish here, and you need to get to the root of the problem before he wastes any more of your precious time. 

Post # 4
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am sorry to hear you are going through this and your wedding plans have been a bit derailed! It sounds like your boyfriend has a lot to work through at the moment – would it be possible for the two of you to work together with a counsellor to communicate about your rleationship?

I think at the moment he is focussing on himself, but you are important to. But I would encourage you not to give up – just try to wokr on it together.

good luck

Post # 5
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First, you are very brave for sharing these things.  I just want to tell you I understand to some degree what you are going through.  My Fiance also sees someone for his anxiety.  At first it sort of bothered me because I felt like why can’t you talk to me about these things and I know the subject of our relationship comes up from time to time.  I was frustrated because I felt like does this counselor know that there is an actual person on the other end of this relationship?  That being said I’ve seen some great things come out of this though.  There were some things I was telling Fiance that he just wasn’t understanding apparently he shared some of his feelings with his counselor and the counselor was very reassuring with him and explained to him the same things I had been telling him. 

I know its easy to be resentful but I think the most important thing is to reassure him that you will be there for him and support him.  That’s been huge for us.

Post # 7
9659 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@handcraftedG33k:  i am very similar to your Fiance in my fighting skills – i am more confrontational, my Fiance prefers not to talk about things until he has gone away and thought about them, and i am also currently seeing a psychiatrist for depression. some people go through a fairly normal childhood (i did) and still get depression, while some are fine who have gone through more serious trauma. 

did he see a psychiatrist before? because the longer you leave it the worse it gets, so right now he is probably suffering a lot, and it is definitely not a good idea to make any major life decisions until his mind is more balanced and he feels happier. definitely stick around – “in sickness and in health” “for better or worse”, but i do understand how hard waiting is. and i can understand even more with your biological clock ticking it must be even harder!

stick around until the end of the year, he will certainly appreciate your care and support in this difficult time 🙂

Post # 9
9659 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@handcraftedG33k:  seriously? he compared your job stuff with a stupid computer? i would be pissed off too!

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