- 5 years ago
I am in a panic. I’m 22, have been with my Fiance for a little over three years. The past few months I’ve been feeling a little bored I guess. I love my Fiance, but sometimes it feels like we have a bit of a “best friendship” instead of a relationship. He’s a great guy and is so caring, loving, and supportive. It just feels like the “spark” is often missing. My Fiance struggles with insecurity, though I’m not sure why. If I add a guy on Facebook, he’ll “creep” their profile and make negative comments to me about the guy. I had an incident about a month ago where an old acquaintance took a liking to one of my pool pictures (read: bikini) and started texting me flirty/suggestive messages. I never responded, and immediately informed my Fiance, then blocked the acquaintance on Facebook. My Fiance was still fairly angry with me. I think really he was angry at the acquaintance but he took his anger out on me a bit (just wasn’t very nice to me for a few days).
While that incident took place, I was on holiday with a friend’s family. They brought along another family, and we all shared a large condo at a resort. In the other family is a very attractive man, who I’ll call Taylor, who is just a few years older than I am. We hit it off instantly. I don’t mean to say we had a romantic connection, but for the first few days of the trip we talked a lot and just got to know each other. Then he opened up and started telling me about how when he was my age (2 years earlier), he thought he was going to marry his girlfriend at the time. One day, he woke up and realized that even though she was so wonderful and he truly loved her, he knew he had no dating experience and truly struggled with the idea that he would get married without ever having even really dated. Well, his experience sent my head spinning. I didn’t date at all in high school and Fiance was my first real boyfriend in college. We talked back and forth about it and he seemed to be coming from a genuinely concerned position. He never told me to call off the wedding or anything.
After Taylor opened up like that, we started hanging out alone a bit on the trip. When the group would go to bed early, we’d head down to the resort pool and stay up to talk. It wasn’t really our goal to be alone, but we didn’t really want the entire group (15 people) to hear the conversations. The last night after the group dinner, we hung out with a few of the other people around our ages from the group at the pool and drank and chatted for hours. Eventually though, the rest of the people went to bed, and it was just the two of us, pretty buzzed, in the hot tub. We were just talking, when all of the sudden Taylor grabbed me and pulled me in and told me he wanted to kiss me. I said no, and he kissed my cheek. We got out of the hot tub and started collecting our stuff, when all of the sudden he had pulled me in again and was kissing my cheek/jaw again, multiple times, I guess to keep from kissing my mouth. It took me a second, but I finally reacted (like I said, I was buzzed) and stopped him. He told me he could tell I was having second thoughts about being married and “couldn’t resist not trying”. I’m not even going to deny it, I would have never kissed him, but I was pretty disappointed that I “couldn’t”.
Since I’ve come back home (I live with FI) I can’t shake the feeling that this could be a huge mistake. I’m still in contact with Taylor (he lives in the same town as I do), we text off and on about what happened that night (he blames the liquid courage) and what we had discussed the whole trip. He says he’s coming from a place of friendly concern and he doesn’t want to see me wake up in 10 years and realize I’m unhappy. I didn’t tell my Fiance about Taylor’s drunken attempt, but I did tell him about everything we talked about. My Fiance is heartbroken and sad. I am heartbroken and sad. I don’t know what the next step should be. We’re getting married in December and my parents have already put so much money into the wedding. I don’t think I’d ever be miserable if I married my Fiance, but I have this nagging feeling since I talked with Taylor that I might not be as happy and passionate and excited as I should be for my Fiance. I didn’t even have real feelings for Taylor, and denying that kiss was still SO hard.
What do I do?