- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2018
OP, any updates???
OP, any updates???
Now what you’ve just said is untrue.
I agreed with panda1016 that bad credit was a big deal but that I believed [OP’s] love was bigger than the FICO score. (I know that my love for my husband exceeds any numbers in his credit report or bank account.) You also need to reread my posts if you think I didn’t advise OP to protect herself or that the husband needs to change his ways. I don’t agree with the doomsday divorce discussions and even the OP said that she wants to exhaust every effort before considering it. I was letting her know that she’s not alone to think that way. A few others have mentioned that things like an overdrawn bank account, foreclosed home, debt, and deceit are devastating but can be overcome.
“For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or health, ’til death do us part, unless you pull a complete stupid, wreck the checking account, house payments, and try to hide it all from me for a few months while you attempt to clean up your mess.” I’ve never heard those vows recited in any wedding. fwiw.
Now, I consider your singling me out as pretty personal especially since you have misquoted me and then called those words of advice reckless. If you want me to clarify something, please link and ask me. But if you just want to correct my opinion, please don’t. As panda1016 mentioned earlier, these sidebars are likely unproductive to the thread. Have a nice day.
Switch your direct deposit ASAP. I agree with some other posters that there is something more going on. Drug problem? Gambling? I hope that’s not the case but please take care of yourself bee!
NFLwidow: Lol, where did I misquote you? I literally copy pasted quotes from the things you wrote. And I am familiar with the “to death do us part” bit about vows. But, sadly, I think a vow can be broken when one person isn’t holding up their side of the bargain. Her husband already broke their vows IMO. Advising her to stay with him no matter what damage he brings on her, because she made a vow, IS reckless…that’s not misquoting you, that’s just the reality.
As for my “singling you out”–this is a community where people exchange ideas and sometimes debate things. I took issue with your opinion on this matter and said so. I have also responded to other people’s comments that I disagreed with, and some that I agreed with. If you don’t want people to respond to your comments then I would refrain from posting them on the internet going forward.
Kaymar: I’m afraid that you are mistaken. I’m not “throwing shade” on people who say she should think about her financial future. I am one of the ones who’s said that she should think about her financial future. It does seem to me like I’ve had to “catch” shade in this thread, though. Gotta love the hive, huh?
Any way to get an annulement? Do you think maybe it’s going towards drugs? Would definitely do a background check on him.
NFLwidow: but it’s weird that you feel personally attacked by people disagreeing with you, when you’ve spent a lot of time being argumentative with posters, esp on religious or political threads.
It has seemed in the past that your go-to is to threaten to flag and report people, but I just don’t see personal attacks here.
You see the double standard you’re evoking here? It’s okay for you to be argumentative and demand answers from other bees for their opinions in other threads, but when someone does it to you, it’s a personal attack? it seems like, esp if you are presenting yourself as a moral authority, if you’re going to call foul, you should apply those same standards to yourself.
I think your point of view is different, and in that respect very helpful, until it comes off like proselytizing.
You bring religious beliefs into non-religious threads and then act like people who don’t share them couldn’t possibly understand. I think I remember you saying you’re a missionary for your church, or in a capacity to spread the word — honestly, it often feels like you are using the bee to convert people and that does tend to bring backlash.
But there are other posters here who bring their religious POV into threads in really constructive ways, like @Brielle. She treats others with courtesy and is a great role model for her beliefs.
I know we’ve had our run-ins, but I can still see the value your POV could bring to discussions. I think if you toned it down and treated others as you would want to be treated, the reception would be a lot better.
Opinion-wise, there is nothing for me to add that hasn’t been well-stated many times. There are some strong women on this board that I’d want to have my back any day and I love that.
Just wanted to add a small bit of practical advice because I didn’t used to be the greatest with money. (With that said, I’m in a great place now precisely BECAUSE I was honest with my fiance about my student loans and how I was working hard to build my credit and to increase my savings, but I digress.)
Get a secured credit card if you don’t already have a steady revolving account card that you regularly use. Use it to make small purchases each month and pay it off in full every month. It will get your credit trending in a positive direction again quickly.
I have a feeling OP is not coming back … and she is staying with him.
Neither is a judgement, just a feeling!
TBH, I don’t want to argue here. I’ve replied to the sidebars, not flagged them (or threatened to), not asked for special consideration. No double standard on my end but I can see where you see it. When the OP mentioned her strong religious beliefs, I followed suit. I’m not on the Bee to find converts. I wish I were talented at online discussions like Brielle but I still wanted to show my solidarity with the OP. I’ll await her next update and hope for good news.
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