Thank you everyone! I never thought I would get so much input. Here is an update:
He came home from work and I showed him everything that I know, and he told me a bunch of information. How much of it is true, I don’t know, but it is something that I can start to sort through to see what is going on.
This is his version of the story: He said that this started back in February when things got really slow at work. He gets paid per appointment, and since February, his number of weekly appointments started to really drop so he wasn’t taking in any significant amount of money. He did not want me to know about it and get upset, so he thought that he could keep it from me and keep applying for new jobs until he found one and was able to continue making money. He said that he did not think it would take him months. He did start his new job last week, but it will take him a couple of weeks to get his first paycheck. I will add that I do think this makes sense because he has become very depressed over the last few months and started taking zoloft after his mom talked him into going to the doctor. He would not say why he was depressed.
He said the bank statement showing that we had a lot of money was an old bank statement back from several months ago when we actually did have a lot of money. He said it was sitting in his glove box, so he used it to show me. He said it was because he didn’t want me to worry, since he expected to get a new job soon. He must have cut off the date or something so that I didn’t notice. It was just a simple printout that said $_________ in savings and $___________ in checking but no actual transactions were listed. I have no idea why he was holding onto that so long. He says that he used that money to pay off the new windows that we just had installed at the house so that we could stop financing them. I asked him if he had a receipt from this payment and he said no but he will get it for me tomorrow.
He said that he wants me to take him off of my insurance. I get the health, dental, and vision insurance through work. Since we got married and added him, my deduction from my paycheck has doubled and so I am taking home less money, which is part of the problem. The good news with that is that my employer is switching policies starting July so my paycheck decuction will go down, and I am also getting a raise in September so my checks will start looking nicer.
He also told me that he had the mortgage company send over paperwork to help us get back on track. He said they have 3 options that we can choose from. This includes refinancing, stopping payments for three months, or getting all of the old payments that we owed divided up over a year and added onto the bills for the next few months. I have no experience with this kind of stuff, so I want to spend the next day or two researching and making the decision. I asked him to show me the paperwork, and he said it is at his mom’s house. I asked him why it was at his mom’s house, and he said because he told her that we are having trouble with the mortgage payments so he left the paperwork at her house to have her look over and get her advice since she has been in this situation before. So then I freaked out and asked him why he thought it was ok that his mom knew that we were having trouble before I did. He did not have an answer. I asked him how he would feel if I cheated on him and I told my mom about it but not him, and he agreed that it would be horrible. I have always been annoyed with how he often becomes overly attached to his mom when he is now married, so then we started rehashing out old arguments. (“I left it at my mom’s house” has happens a lot, and in fact he was on his way to his mom’s house after work when I told him no, he cannot go to her house today because we need to have a talk.) I told him that he needs to get those papers IMMEDIATELY and come straight home with them, so he left to get them and said he will be back in an hour.
I really appreciate EVERYONE’S input! It is really helpful to get objective advice from people that I don’t know instead of telling family and friends who may have biased opinions becuse they know us and who might worry about us. I do want to add that I have a great connection to my religion, which really looks down on divorce. Divorce for me is a 100% last option where I would consider it if my safety or my future children’s safety is at risk, but all other options need to be explored first. I am not saying that I don’t want church people or my family to look down on me or pressure me about not getting divorced. I am saying that it is MY belief that is preventing me from being ok with it right now and it is something that I need to pray about. I am really hoping that we will be able to restore the trust and heal. I don’t know if it will happen, but I am trying to stay optimistic.