Post # 1
Hey Bees, I’m just on here as a BM. No wedding in any sort of immediate future for me! I do enjoy these boards though! I was hoping you could give me really basic dating advice.
I like a guy. He’s in another state. We’ve been communicating via text and email. Some nights we’ll talk for 3 hours straight. Then I don’t hear from him for a week, which I get, since he works, I work, etc.
I just worry about bothering him or seeming weird, as I may be more into him than he is me. I’m not experienced in this field at all. How often should I contact him? I want him to know I’m interested, but don’t want to be a bother. I texted him the other day before work, and in my sleepy state forgot what time it was. Oops! Luckily I think he was up anyhow, but it seemed rather rude of me.
He does flirt with me extensively though. =D
This is such a stupid post. Who better to ask than those who are already at the end goal though, right?? D=
Post # 3
@Baimee: Hmmm I feel like I need to know a little more info:
– How far away exactly does he live?
– What are you looking for with him? A casual fling or flirting? Or a relationship?
– How old are each of you (mostly just curious)?
I think it’s really tough to START a relationship LD so if that’s what you want I think maybe it’d be better to look elsewhere. But if you don’t care if it works out long-term, then I’d say talk to him as much as you feel like! I don’t really believe in playing games like the “3 day rule” or whatever. But of course make sure things are balanced in that he’s calling you as often as you call him.
Post # 4
He’s about 7 hours, ugh. He’s from here though.
I don’t know what I want with him, really. I haven’t decided. I’m kind of thinking ‘whatever happens, happens.’ It would be great if something more did happen, but I totally get that the chances of anything progressing are small.
We’re both in our twenties. 23/27.
I guess I just don’t want to end up that weird girl he regrets talking to.
Post # 5
@Baimee: Well if he’s flirting with you and talking to you he probably doesn’t think you’re weird nor do I think he’ll ever end up regretting talking to you. I think “whatever happens, happens” is a good attitude. Sometimes it can be fun to flirt even when it doesn’t go anywhere. Just don’t let this close off opportunities with local guys!
Post # 6
@Molly929: Thanks for the encouragement!
Honestly, another reason I find this so difficult is that I’m not really ‘into’ a lot of guys. There’s someone at work who is pretty damn cute and qualified in many ways, but I’m pretty sure he’s a bad person. Like, pretty sure.
Post # 7
@Baimee: You’re probably over-thinking it. He wouldn’t text you if he didn’t want to, even if you texted him first. He’s not obligated to respond, and hey, it’s not like it would be awkward if he didn’t, since you don’t have the option of bumping into each other when you’re out and about.
I think you’ve got it right when you say “Whatever happens, happens.” If you feel like randomly texting him, go for it. If he doesn’t respond, oh well, then don’t text him again until you hear from him. Just see how it plays out.
I wouldn’t stress about it and I certainly wouldn’t start keeping track of who texts whom first and how often, because that’s when you enter into game-playing territory, which you really don’t need.
Just try and keep a casual attitude about it. If something develops, great, if not, oh well. If he’s interested he’ll eventually let you know, you won’t have to ask him.
Post # 8
I like the tennis analogy for relationships, except instead of the *net* there is curtain so you can’t *see* him. You just keep track of the ball. He serves…. you hit it back. He returns, you return, he returns, you return.
In tennis, the “server” only has 2 balls. So, if the ball doesn’t come back to you….. hit another one…. but not any more. His court.
Anything more than that and it becomes the equivalent of an auto tennis ball cannon set too fast…. balls are just coming at him and he doesn’t have time to pace set.
Also – something else that is key to look at….. you may be each returning volleys… But is it the style of game you like? Sometimes the ball comes at you, nice and easy and you can hit it back with one long stroke. Sometimes, though…. the ball comes back in all different directions and speeds. That makes it harder to play, even though the ball is consistently returned.
So – the most important question…… are you each having a good time? Are you each making it easy for the other person to return the ball? Do you like the game you’re playing?
Post # 9
@3xaCharm: Wow, I have never heard that analogy before and I LOVE it! I will be remembering that one for future use.
Post # 10
Do what 3xaCharm said. Gotta love the tennis analogy…. perfect!
Post # 11
@3xaCharm: Agree that this is a very cool analogy, love it!
Post # 12
This sounds like my story 🙂
How well did you know each other before he moved? Friends? Acquaintences? DH and I were really good friends before we thought about dating.
I think the pp’s have given some good advice and I don’t have much more to add other than when DH and I started dating he moved to Chicago and I moved to Knoxville. We talked on the phone every day even before we started dating and became really good friends and basically realized we really liked each other and now we’re married 🙂
LD was really difficult though, we had a few bumps along the way but we learned a lot by being in an LDR and were able to learn a lot about each other and how to communicate so that when we were finally in the same state we had already crossed a bunch of hurdles.
Post # 13
That is a great analogy!!
Also, I met him almost a year ago, but us talking is much more recent.
I texted him. I think he is probably at work though.
Post # 14
During your next text/email, as the convo is ending, tell him “hey, why don’t you call/skype me next time?, I’m usually free around (insert time here)” and see what he does. If he just keeps texting you, you’re probably just a fun distraction when he’s got nothing else to do, so I wouldn’t expect things to go much further.
If he calls/skypes you, use your next few interactions to decide if you really are into this guy. If you are, then you’ll have to take the step of asking whether he feels the same way, and starting to plan your next in-person visit, and maybe getting into a LDR.
BUT… Personally, I’d say the first step is establishing if there is a real connection outside of the text/email thing.
Post # 15
I hate to be a pessimist but “Then I don’t hear from him for a week, which I get, since he works, I work, etc.”
It sounds to me like he doesn’t take this very seriously
I’m sorry, maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like he might only be using you when he is in need of an ego boost.
When a guy REALLY likes you he calls/texts/emails nonstop–ESPECIALLY if he’s far away.
My fiance and I started out as friends and it was kinda long distance–he was 3 hours away–before we started dating we were texting/iming/talking on the phone every day
I wouldn’t totally give up on it if I were you, but I wouldn’t count on him either–keep your options open–don’t answer his texts immediately–if he likes you he will respond by trying to up the contact, if he doesn’t he will find a new text buddy
Post # 16
@athame1983: No, you very well could be right. I figure we’ll see.
Oh, and for more context he’s primarily been the one to establish contact. This has been pretty consistent through my knowing him. I actually intentionally may have blown him off at first.