New mom groups – why aren't they a bigger thing in the US?

posted 6 months ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
938 posts
Busy bee

Maybe it’s just my area… but I see new mom groups EVERYWHERE. I also have a lot of friends in new mom groups on Facebook too.

Post # 3
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If that’s true I would assume it is down to maternity leave. I’m in the UK and between me and my husband we had a year off on parental leave. We went to baby groups nearly every day. You wouldn’t get those same opportunities with just 6 weeks leave. All of the groups I attended were in normal office hours. 

Post # 4
Member
6535 posts
Bee Keeper

US Bee–The hospital where I had my children organized mentored groups of mothers who had children about the same time, my neighborhood community had a new moms group and a babysitting co-op, all sorts of baby and toddler classes where moms chat, preschool parent groups, there are social media groups galore–where do you live?

Post # 5
Member
9389 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I see plenty of mom groups and play date groups on facebook and the like.

But I’m an introvert and a mom’s group sounds like torture to me though.

Post # 6
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Because new mom groups are full of entitled bitches in the US. Literally, mom-shaming is one of the biggest societal problems this country has. It’s horrifying. I can tell you right now, when you’re a new mom, you will like NOT having their input a lot more than being part of a group. 

I’m not even a mom and all I hear about from my newly-mom friends are how awful other moms are to them. That’s how bad it is – women who aren’t even moms yet are hearing horror stories.

(I’m in upstate NY, for context)

Post # 7
Member
7637 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

TravelingBride31 :  I’m in New England and there were a bunch of new mom group options for me when I had my daughter less than 2 years ago. Several of them were breastfeeding oriented, but not all. I ended up clicking with one of the local breastfeeding support groups and still keep in touch with a few of the moms. Since I was really happy with that first group I found I didn’t end up making it to any others. All of them were free though! I can’t imagine paying for a moms group lol. We also have a mom’s facebook group for our town that is really active.

What’s your closest urban area? If you’re near me I’d have some suggestions for you!

Post # 8
Member
6535 posts
Bee Keeper

megm1099 :  Wow. Granted, my children are teenagers now but aside from an occasional raised eyebrow that I was a working mom that was not my experience in the few things I participated in. In fact I’m meeting two women I first met when our kids attended the same Montessori preschool for our monthly happy hour tomorrow–they have become great friends. 

Post # 9
Member
2024 posts
Buzzing bee

megm1099 :  Because new mom groups are full of entitled bitches in the US

 

I’m truly sorry this is the experience your friend has had. I am a US Bee and have found a lot of positive resources both online and locally for new moms that have been so far from bitchy or full of bitches– I’m not sure what I would do without these mom friends I have found! 

Post # 10
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Could it be that you just need to actually seek them out in the US?

I’m in Australia and my child health nurse signed me up. I got a call to say where and when (and was of course given the option to opt out).

Post # 11
Member
2754 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m in the UK and did NCT for my first which was an amazing mum group. I’m still in touch with the group.

im on mat leave with my second now and I go to a weekly bumps and babies group (it was today actually) and I love it. Lots of mums lots of chat, free tea and biscuits and all for £1.50. 

I do wonder if the lack of mat leave does play a part in it. If you go back at 6 weeks you won’t have time to really get into a mum group 

Post # 12
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

beethree :   fromatoz :  It really is so unfortunate. Maybe it’s just in my area. But it’s been more than one friend (three friends I’m really close to have had very negative experiences), and it’s definitely been exacerbated by social media. 

In one instance, my friend posted a picture of herself breastfeeding with a caption somewhere along the line of “up all night hahaha” and the moms exploded about several things with the photo: how she was holding the baby, how she shouldn’t be feeding the baby THAT often, and there was even a comment about “why isn’t dad helping you he must be such a jerk” – a lot of very awful things. 

Seriously, I have no faith in moms on social media. Other type of interactive, physical mom groups might be okay, I don’t know. But I’m never touching social media mom groups. 

Post # 13
Member
7637 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

megm1099 :  that stinks for your friends, but I definitely wouldn’t call that the norm. At least at the group I found no one acted entitled or better than each other. We were all there like “ok so I have boobs, and a baby, and they are supposed to work together somehow but I have no clue what I’m doing so can you help me?!”  Lots of commraderie but we were also all like-minded moms. I know there was also a local formula-feeding support group, and religious groups, etc. You have to find your people and ignore the few shaming jerks. 

Post # 14
Member
2754 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Social media and parenting are a tough mix.

in my experience my mum groups have been a life line and a reason to get up and dressed some days. megm1099 :  

Post # 15
Member
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think it’s also more of a social context in other parts of the world. 

Here most of us expats have no other network so we seek out mom groups. I have a pregnant mom group right now and we’re all due within 4 weeks of each other. We will then become a mom group. We’re all expats who don’t know any other pregnant women in the country. It’s so nice to have a supoort network like this. 

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