(Closed) New (momma)Bee here…(rant)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

At this point, you can’t wait for a proposal. You need to sit him down and say “Hey, I understand that you consider us a family, and I do consider us a family as well. However, for me the commitment of marriage was always important and still is. I get that it might not seem like a big deal to you, but it is for me and because you love me I’d love it if you respected that. Do you want to marry me or not?”

Post # 4
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@bebero:  +100000. OP, I think this is a case where you can be very blunt about where you stand and why it is important for you to either move forward or move on. I think all of your reasoning is completely valid. 

Post # 5
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@beautifulgirl17:  Darling Husband and I started dating 2008, had Dirty Delete in 2010, bought a house six months later. I got a lot of the same pressure from friends – when is he going to propose?? don’t you want to get married? and so on…you’ve heard it all, I’m sure.

We didn’t get engaged or discuss marriage when we got pregnant. We agreed that we’d be together and that we’d let the relationship progress. As life went on and got more complicated (baby, work, house, you know) our relationship did get stronger. We loved each other more and more all the time. I started expressing how much it would mean for our family and how much I wanted to get married, and he finally proposed in September of 2011 and we got married and had a good-sized wedding last August.

Sorry for the life story but I have two points – first, you’re smart to want to elope. We did the big wedding thing for our families, but it sort of felt like a waste of time and money because we’d already been committed as a family for so long 🙂

Second, talk to him and find out how he feels your relationship has grown. Find out if he feels like he needs to commit to you. Find out specifics about what he sees for his future and how you and your child fit into that. If he’s really just going through the motions and playing house with you, then you need to prepare yourself to move on. I had started to resent my role as pretend wife and I told Darling Husband that and I guess it really resonated with him because he proposed pretty soon after that conversation.

 

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