(Closed) new mommy in-law rant….sorry.

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Yikes. I say you stop caring and let your husband deal with it. Tell her that you can’t go against what your husband wants. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s a battle that your husband has to take on.  My Fiance and I have had talks about it when his mother said to me that she was raised in a traditional way that dating, engagment, marriage , then living together is the proper order and that wearing white is a privilege (we are engaged and living together).  When we mentioned we were thinking about getting married in the courthouse prior to our ceremony (For financial /school loan reasons) she freaked and said thours he wouldn’t support it and that our wedding (with the families) would be a charade.  Needless to say I wanted to go off on her but I didn’t feel it was appropriate and that my Fiance had to take up that role.  At that moment he didn’t and basically made excuses for her.  We had a ridiculously long talk about how if he wants me to remaiin respectful to her, he needs to be the one to tell her to back off.  Since then he’s been doing a much better job.  He had gotten so use to her craziness he learned to suck it up and let it slide. But, obviously, I didn’t have his 28 yrs of experience ignoring her crazy.  

In reference to the diapers, my brother refused to change our nephews diapers (other brothers kid).  Which is ridiculous but to each their own.  Waiting to see what he’ll do once he has his own kid.  Telll your SIL something like “oh we are monitoring his food intake carefully now bc the doctor wants to make sure he is getting the proper amount bc he’s been picky.  I have to keep reminding Fiance bc he loves snacking too” when u see her eat off of his plate.  That way she knows you see her doing it but makes it less attacking,

Post # 5
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@persianprincess:  Just let it go.  You don’t need to stand up to her on this.  She’s just trying to be helpful.  From her point of view, she is probably scared for the kid’s soul.  These are her beliefs.  While you don’t have to share them or choose to raise your son in that way, you shouldn’t belittle them by calling them “weird shit”. I’m one for choosing your battles, and I just don’t believe that you have anything to gain from this. Say thank you for the books, and move on.  She’ll get the point eventually. 

Post # 6
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@persianprincess:  I have the exact view as you when it comes to baptizm. I’m afraid of when we decide to have kids my Mother-In-Law (she is a very devout catholic and even works at the church) will do the same thing. Darling Husband was rasied catholic though he never confirmed so I guess we will se what happens.

There is a verse of the bible that states “Repent and be baptized…” (Act 2:38). It is kinda hard for a baby to repent when they have no understanding of what is going on. I don’t know if this is exactly how you feel but if so it might be some back up that you need.

If she brings it up again just tell her thanks but no thanks and tell her what your plan is. This is you and your DH’s baby and you call the shots. I wish you the best of luck.

Post # 7
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@SincerelyShe:  my mom (and I) are very catholic.  So when my brother and his wife decided against raising them in any religion, my mom freaked and then didnt say anything.  However, I found out after the fact that she took my nephew to get baptized.  While I’m all for saving the soul…I still think it’s pretty messed up that she did that-as good as her intentions were.  I love her but i’m Glad she’s not my mother in law lol.  I don’t think she’ll get the point, but then again I don’t know her and this may be a constant subject that she brings up.

Post # 8
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@persianprincess:  I definitely understand your frustration, especially with your mil, however, I have to laugh… My best friend had a baby two years ago… baby spit still grosses me the crap out!!! And don’t even ask me about diapers!! Some people are just that way, until they have their own. 

I would just ignore the literature she sends you about baptism… she’s doing it from a good place in her heart, because that is what she truly believes and just wants your son to be “protected.” However, this is a controversial belief and it’s easier to ignore it. I do hope she backs off, though… 

Post # 9
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@persianprincess:  I’m feeling an affinity here…. I don’t have kids (and I’m not married yet) but the first conversation I had post engagement with my Future Mother-In-Law was about how we should send our kids to an atheist summer camp….. she brought a brochure…

 

 

What the..? How do I even…? Who the eff are you to even think about saying that?!

Post # 10
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@SincerelyShe:  I’m all for not belittling the beliefs of others, but isn’t OP’s Mother-In-Law doing exactly that…? If she’s shoving all of these articles in her face, she has every right to tell her to stop. It’s harassment

Post # 11
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wouldn’t change my nephew/niece’s diaper either. Not my problem, lady!

As for the Mother-In-Law, i understand. My mother is more relgious than I am comfortable with, and I would have a very hard time if she did something like that to us. But I would also have no problem asking her to knock it off. You have to set boundaries or people will just keep being pushy.

Post # 12
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Corazon1220:  Wow! Taking your nephew is on an entirely different level than just sending some books. I don’t agree with this. Your mom completely disregarded your brother and his wife’s wishes.  She crossed the line when she took matters into her own hands.  However, this situation is different from the OP’s.  The OP’s Mother-In-Law is expressing her concern to the OP, not trying to shove her religion down the child’s throat, against the OP’s wishes.  I don’t see the harm in Mother-In-Law initiating discussion or sending books, other than its can be a little annoying.  And at the end of the day whose family isn’t a little annoying? 

@Asia:  I disagree.  I believe that because they are close family, discussions about religion and child-rearing are okay to have, even when their views are conflict.  I do not view this as harrassment. I understand that they are sensitive topics, but Mother-In-Law is not some stranger.  She is family, that means well. Sending someone a book does is not the same as “shoving articles in her face” So no, I do not believe that Mother-In-Law is belittling her beliefs by doing this. I am Catholic, and I share the same beliefs of her mother-in-law, and I found it offensive when OP referred to them as “wierd shit”.  If someone sent me a book that had information about another belief system, I would probably just read it. But then again I enjoy learning about different religions and denominiations.  

Also, I’m sure OP didn’t mean to offend anyone and just probably needed to vent.  So I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m being a pill.

Post # 13
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If not baptizing your son is a decision you and you husband have come to he needs to grow some balls and tell her to back off. It’s not your place to defend it’s his. It’s not worth the hassle to confront her but your husband should certainly be saying something if its bothering you so much.

Post # 14
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

Just putting this in there from growing up catholic to what it is about this ‘limbo’ for me. I grew up in a very catholic house hold. I have always know that if my child dies before baptism they will be in limbo. i have a very hard time with this as religion was always forced onto me, and i dont agree with it, however i am still very scared with the “what if?” what if im wrong and the baby will? what if i go and get them baptised then i will be forcing something onto them?. Im not sure if she was in this case trying to be negative, but rather just really worried. This limbo thing is big for me. I talk to my mother about it constantly, as she knows and supports my non-religion, but its still scary. Im not saying its at all true. im also not saying its untrue. But this stuff has my stomach in knots. i honestly hate the feeling of thinking about limbo. Both my bro and sis have had their kids christened for htat very reason. im not saying this is for all catholics, but i know where she is coming from. and its horrible. why would a little baby be forced into this? erghhhhhh its sickening. so yeah that is my opinion on it and i dont know what to do. but i can understand why she feels stongly about it. not saying she is right with her method of discussiong it with you…

Post # 15
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Corazon1220:  Oh my, that is way over crossing the line. I would be furious if my Mother-In-Law did that.

Post # 16
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree that in most situations if there’s crazy stuff coming from Mother-In-Law side it’s up to your husband to initiate the conversation (especially if it’s going to be at all confrontational)

 

But OP is also recieving these articles she finds pushy and offensive, and it’s about her child. As a mother, she’s also in a position to stop (or talk about) this behavior concerning her child she finds alarming.

 

 

@SincerelyShe:  I agree that the OP’s language and tone was just a result of her venting and I’m sure she wasn’t trying to be insulting or demeaning to anyone else’s faith.

 

However, I still disagree with you on the core issue and feel that Mother-In-Law is going beyond what is fair, or acceptable. OP described her as constantly sending books and articles. It isn’t just that she wants to make sure they understand MIL’s faith and her concerns regarding batism by broaching the subject and starting a conversation. It has the tone of a constant barage of articles, and that is why I call it harassment. OP’s Mother-In-Law knows where her son and daughter in law stand, and she has taken it upon herself to berate them for it. That kind of behavior is rude, and very disturbing to me. It isn’t up to Mother-In-Law to convert her daughter in law or her grandchild. Instead, I tihnk it would be better on her part to be a quirt example of the best of catholocism and show her grandchild by that example what is good about her faith.

 

I still feel that what she is doing is rude, hurtful, and belittling of the faith of others. And I believe that OP needs to have a candid conversation about this with her.

The topic ‘new mommy in-law rant….sorry.’ is closed to new replies.

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