(Closed) New moms! Help me be a good visitor!

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 4
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would definitely recommend bringing a casserole for the freezer to cook later. She may have a lot of other food there and would appreciate getting to make the lasagna fresh when she wants to.

Personally, in my family when people go to visit they stay as long as they want haha. I had never heard the “quick visit” rule! It usually ends up being an hour or 2. If you’re close enough that you would help her with dishes normally I would say go for it. Also, see if she wants to shower or lie down while you hold the baby. My sister always complains she can’t get time in to shower. I usually just watch the baby and let her clean or shower or whatever, she’s not the type to want other people cleaning in her house. Especially because you may put things away wrong or keep asking her where things go. Visits should be low stress for mom and visitor so I think stopping by, not making a mess, bringing food for later and a quick “I can watch the baby while you get some stuff done if you want.” should do.

This is a good thread, I’m interested to see what people think…

Post # 5
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think bringing a dish is a great idea. My suggestion, though, is to take a breakfast casserole that she or her husband can pop in the oven and bake one morning. Lots of people bring food and most of them bring dinner so breakfast could be a nice change.

I also agree with offering to watch the baby while she showers or does whatever she’d like to do for a little bit. Showering was always an issue for me. Even though I knew a newborn couldn’t get away, I was sooooooo paranoid in the beginning. Even if she’s got the shower thing down, she may want to take a walk or run pick up a few things at the grocery. She may not accept the offer this time, but it’ll be a thoughtful gesture that she may take you up on later.

 

Post # 6
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

When I was a new mom, everyone acted all nervous to visit, but I loved the company! You can’t get out much, so it’s nice when people come to you ๐Ÿ™‚ I think lasagna is a great idea! Really anything that could be frozen would be great, because if a bunch of people brought food, they may not be able to eat it before it goes bad. Everyone brings things for baby, so some of my most memorable gifts (I don’t know if you’re planning to do gifts, so I apologize if you’re not) were for me. I just felt kind of gross & out of sorts. My gma got me a pretty nightgown to make me feel more myself, someone brought me gourmet chocolates, mags & lent me some movies since I spent a lot of time sitting around nursing, that was nice. My sister just had a baby, I brought her a nice baby book, chocolates, a GC for a local salon since she had been talking about a post baby haircut, an outfit for baby (couldn’t resist, I have a boy & was dying to shop for a baby girl!), a rotisserie chicken & a fun na drink. Hth!

Post # 8
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would visit a few times, as often as you’d like/as often as she seems receptive. Especially if her husband’s at work, she is probably lonely, or at least I was!

Post # 12
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

You are too cute trying to be such a great guest! Your friend is lucky!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Just remember that since she just had the baby, she might not have a lot for you to do right now. But next weekend or the following, she might take you up on offers to help with chores. Some easy chores for guests to do are laundry (tons of dirty baby clothes) or changing the sheets, dishes, vacuuming, etc. And holding/watching the baby while she showers is great.

Another thing to do would be to offer to run to the store for her, if she gives you a grocery list. She might not be feeling up to it in the first week or two. And I’m sure her husband could go, but this would allow her husband to have some time with the baby.

If you go back in a week or two, let her know that you are happy to hang out for however long she’d like– so if she wants to hang out with you for a while and feed the baby, and THEN go shower, let her know you are game to stick around.

Have fun visiting the baby!

 

Post # 14
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

my mother buys everyone who has a baby the “I’ll love you Forever book” I think it’s sweet

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

honestly, I loved it when the few people who knew, came over and just put food on a plate and gave it to me.  Brought me some water, straightened up the kitchen. The key is to just help out without having to ask what she needs! If you are there and see they are low on food or basic necessities, just announce you are running to the store to get X and what else do they need? Def offer to hold the baby if she needs to shower or something, but she may not want that kind of help depending on how attached she is ๐Ÿ™‚

you are a great friend ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Sunchick19:  

I agree, if someone was to ask me if I needed help with x,y or z I would say no. Because they came to see baby. But if they just did it without asking I would be so eternally grateful!

The other thing I was wondering is if it would be a good idea to text her prior to going over. Something non committal like “hey, I want to come visit you and baby but when/which day would be a good day for you & baby”?

Because you don’t know, it could be a rough day for her, they could be over exhausted from influx of visitors, or they could just want to be with baby alone. Sometimes you just don’t know till you have the baby.

I’ve been thinking about visitors now that I’m halfway through. And honestly there are some people I would have NO problems with them coming over because I know I don’t need to play hostess or worry about taking care of them. With others I would and those people I would rather they wait.  Those first week or two I don’t want to have to worry about anything but baby.

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