(Closed) New Moms…Is Dad jealous?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know this happens to people. I’d love to hear how everyone deals with it too.

Post # 4
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m curious too.  Darling Husband has a coworker that used to complain all the time about how their baby got more action than him….she Boyfriend or Best Friend until the kid was 2.  And from what I’ve been told the kid didn’t eat much of anything (Mom’s choice) so she fed quite a lot….a few times a night.  I don’t know if that’s normal but I know it pissed him off.

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s very common. My friends who have not had this happen amde a real effort to be side by side in the first few months, parenting together. The wife would pump as well, so the dad could have bonding feeding time, too. I think it’s about keeping communication open and non-snippy (hard when you are so sleep deprived!). Can you two not hang out while you feed and chat/ watch something together? Or have him make dinner while you feed and you guys catch up on the day?

Post # 6
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can’t give you any advice.  I did it all by myself because his dad didn’t want to acknowledge he had a son.

Post # 7
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I don’t think my husband was jealous, necessarily, but having a new baby was definitely an adjustment.  I think he kinda felt left out at the beginning, especially because he got put on night shift (sucky!) and I was home all day and night with the baby.

Learning from my own mistakes, I think it’s really important that both parents get individual time to bond with the baby, especially at the beginning when moms tend to take on so much of the work.  If you’re like me and you tend to dictate what your husband should be doing, leave the room while the baby and your husband spend some time together.  It’s ok for one or both of them to feel frustrated or confused sometimes, but it’s super important that he get to experience the good and bad by himself once in a while, too.

Also, try and include him.  Without realizing it, I tend to focus on the baby and kinda forget my husband is around.  πŸ™  Even if you’re nursing, you can hold a conversation with your husband or he can sit with you and hang out.  Or when the baby sleeps, put him/her down and just spend some time cuddling/talking with your husband.  Maybe your husband can entertain the baby during bathtimes or diaper changes or hold the baby during naps, just any little ways that you can all be together, so your husband doesn’t feel left out.

Finally, it will get better.  The first few months are hectic and exhausting, but everything will get much easier very soon, and you’ll get back to some kind of normal.  πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hmm my husband never acted like he was jealous or left out.  As soon as our daughter was born he was right there beside me doing feedings (I did bottle feed), changing diapers, helping with bath time, nap time, and he woke up with me during the night.  I never felt like we became disconnected.  Obviously the sex life suffers a little, especially the first couple months.  But we still cuddled and ate dinner together etc.  Now I have to say our baby was good, we got her on a schedule pretty quick and she was a good sleeper.  The first month or two she would wake up twice in the middle of the night for a bottle but would go right back to sleep.

We will see how the dynamics change when we have a second baby lol  I’m thinking he won’t be as eager to wake up in the middle of the night with me.  I’ll still nudge him though!

Ok so hubby just called so I asked him if he ever felt left out when our daughter was born or felt like I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. He said no way!  He asks why I’m asking so I start by saying well the question was brought up on the Bee.  He then says ahhhh will you get off that site! ha ha

Post # 10
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@mwitter80:  It’s hard with one, but it’s definitely harder with two.  Give it some time for things to settle down.  I’d say that within the last month (Henri is 3 months old now) we got into a good routine and things got easier. 

Also, I’ll say that I implemented a mandatory nap time in our house, and that helps both of us keep our sanity.  Addie normally naps from 1-3 (ish), and while Henri’s schedule varies, I do pretty much everything in my power to make sure he’s also asleep at that time.  Does your stepson still nap?  If not, maybe you can implement a mandatory rest period where he reads/watches tv/etc… and the baby sleeps in the morning or early afternoon so you and your Darling Husband can get a little bit of time to yourselves.

Post # 11
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

ahh yeah I can see how those circumstances can make things more complicated.  Plus there is another child involved who also needs attention.

Hence when I say it will be interesting to see how the dynamics change with baby #2!

 

Post # 13
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@mwitter80:  The first year of Addie’s life was hard for us.  I totally understand.  πŸ™  I’m sorry you’re having a rough time right now.  Hugs.

Post # 14
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think you are doomed to be “one of those couples”. Your son is only 1 month old, so there is alot of adjusting. At the newborn stage the babies need a lot of attention, and its all very hands on, like yours husband said, 24/7. However, as your son gets older, he will become a little more independant, so he won’t be attatched to you 24/7, and you may be able to go out on an adult date night, every once in a while.

To answer your original question though, yes my huband got a little jelous, and sometimes still does. But I explain to him the circumstances, and I try my darndest to line up babysitters so we can have alone time, with just us, or with friends, at least twice a month. Its really resets our relationship a bit, and allows us to just be us, adults, not just parents.

Give it some time, try to understand your husbands position, and explain to him yours. It’s about meeting halfway right, hopefully you guys can find your happy medium soon.

Post # 15
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It must be very hard at this time. But I have a suggestion. Perhaps you could hire a babysitter to take the 4 year old out (to a movie or something) so that you have some bonding time with just the 3 of you? I don’t mean to exclude the 4 year old (hence why going to the movies would be a treat for him too) but it just might give you some calm time to bond a little more and be less like ships passing in the night. 

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