New mums: How much time do/ did you get to yourself?

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 61
Member
6304 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

TheGridMonster :  Congrats on your new baby!

zoraneale :  Good luck with your delivery and I’m wishing you a fat, juicy, strong and healthy baby!

bubbles00 :  Isn’t it awesome?! I have a really big family in the states, too, and I always thought the amount of time I spent with my cousins and aunts and grandparents was so we could see each other and spend time together and it was but it was also so my mother could have some time for herself, too!

Post # 62
Member
693 posts
Busy bee

bubbycakes :  it definitely was nice. It’s also one of the factors in our decision to only have one! They say #2 is completely opposite, so no thanks!

Post # 63
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

I have a 3 month old and I get as much time as I want to myself (within reason of course, Darling Husband is gone 9-10 hours a day for work). My labour was extremely rough and DS was in the NICU for a week then at 8 days PP, an infection surfaced so the first two weeks were kind of a write off. DS was battered and bruised from labour at the begining so I couldn’t pass him around and only had handful of people were able to hold him. DS can be a fussy baby, he likes to be held all the time and only naps in my arms and the carseat. He will not sit in a carrier and doesn’t like being in rockers, swings etc. The only chair he tolerates is his carseat when the car is moving and the Mamaroo so for our sanity we got one at 6-weeks when we figured this out. Things got a lot better after that. With that being said, for the first 5 weeks, I would have 1-2 sitz baths and a shower a day. At the very least though, I would get a shower and if I didn’t get a shower, it was because I didn’t want one. I was extremely fortunate to have Darling Husband and my family step in and help during that time.

For the most part though, we try to work as a team – when Darling Husband comes home, it’s as if we’ve both got off work. One person takes the baby and the other person does everything else around the house that needs to get done. I shower every night if I want/need to and if I want to go out with friends, go shopping, have a bubble bath or do something on my own, Darling Husband has DS on his own – no problem (providing DS isn’t in a crazy mood – if that happens, Darling Husband and I are both on lockdown).

Post # 64
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

Okay so yes I COULD shower everyday, I could also have a spotless house if I wanted to but those things just don’t mean that much to me, I don’t know why everyone has to shower everyday (why do you think you’re so dirty??) I CHOOSE to shower 1-2 times a week (and I can still have my hair down everyday because it’s not greasy) because I just don’t get that dirty and I choose not to spend my baby free time doing crappy housework, I’d go nuts if I did! I would much rather spend my time feeling human again and doing things I enjoy doing! So my slightly untidy house makes me the best mum I can be because I wake up everyday refreshed and ready to care for my child pretty much stress free, even with us in the middle of buying our first house and planning a wedding!

Post # 65
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

bubbycakes :  that sounds so challenging you are a rockstar Mama!! Congratulations on baby number 2, I hope he/she is easier. You definitely deserve it! 

Post # 66
Member
4064 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

llevinso :  people who don’t have kids are always the world’s most knowledgeable parents.

Post # 67
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

TwilightRarity :  I don’t have kids yet, but I completely agree with you!  My step mum is from a tradiitonal islander village where my half siblings were also raised.  They call their aunties and uncles mummy *name* and daddy *name*, their cousins sisters and brothers, then the next set of relatives removed is aunties, uncles and cousins.  All the kids in the village are raised by everyone in the village.  The parents don’t know where there kids are half the time, but they know they are with other adults or older kids.  Becuase older kids are expected to help with younger kids in the village, by the time they are adults they are experts at handling children.  I don’t understand why modern western culture expects one woman to shut herself off from the world and become their baby’s slave.  It seems so lonely and sad.

Post # 68
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

EllyAnne :  

so, i had a very high needs baby with severe reflux. I’m laughing reading some of the other posts about babies that were taught to sleep in their bassinets right from the beginning, because no matter what we put her in, my daughter screamed like you were putting hot pokers to her feet if you set her down. Awake, asleep, didn’t matter – she only wanted to be on me or her dad, mostly me, nursing. (I counted the number of baby holding “devices” we tried – 3 bassinets, 2 swings, 3 bouncers, a co sleeper, dockatot, and mamaroo. Plus, 5 types of swaddles!)

So, i got almost no alone time until i started working a few hours a day again at 6 weeks, but, i did shower everyday. I would have felt so much worse to be tired, sore, hungry, and with greasy hair, but that is just me! I usually took her into the bathroom and laid her on a soft blanket, and busted out a fast shower. She usually screamed the whole time, but i would sing to her and she knew i was there. I didn’t take 15 minutes, it was probably like 3-4 tops. But i was clean! 

I will say, though, that at 4 weeks i started leaving the house for 15-20 minutes for “me time”. I left the baby with my husband. She would cry the ENTIRE time which is why i had to leave the house to enjoy myself. The sound of her crying made my heart race and I’d never have enjoyed myself. The two of them worked through it, he figured out ways to calm her, and it was healthy for us all. In the beginning it was such a short amount of time i literally would sit in my car and read a book. Ha!

Post # 71
Member
10034 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Our baby isn’t here yet but my husband is a very involved husband which seems to always shock people (for example, he does our dishes and laundry every week/day) and he plans on being an involved parent as he was raised with siblings by women and already knows how it works. 

We work the same hours (which she will be in day care) so when we get home one person will take baby so the other can fix dinner, then switch off for any chores. Of course this is just a theory but that’s our game plan for now. We also prioritize our looks so we’ve discussed things like how we’ll both make it to the gym, how I will be able to get my hair and nails done, things like that. We also have my dad not to far who would love to have the baby often so we can continue to go out and do the same activities we did pre-baby like going to concerts, conventions, movies. 

Like I said, all in theory so far. 

Post # 72
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

I used to think that people exaggerated the lack of sleep with a newborn around. Then I had a baby who straight up refused to sleep unless she was on a person for the first two months of her life and in general, just didn’t like being put down. A swing would work for 15 minutes or so and allow my husband and I to actually sit down and eat a meal (quickly!) together, but that was about it. I have never been so sleep deprived in my entire life, as in, to the point that I had trouble with self-perception – It was both very weird and extremely unpleasant. My husband is and always has been great with our daughter and we both have family near by that are willing to help out at any time. Still, I’m the one with the boobs, so I’m the one that was on call for what was usually a full hour out of every 2-3. I’ve never had the skill of falling asleep quickly, so only having 1-2 hour windows for sleeping did not work well for me. Would I have been able to shower every day? Sure, if that had a been a priority for me. Realistically? I usually picked attempting to sleep over showering.

In contrast, my niece was a very laid back baby who would happily lie in a crib or playpen, staring at a mobile. If I’d had a baby like that, it would have been possible for me to stick her in some sort of baby-holding-device and grab a quick shower. Babies are all different and I suspect the sort of answers you get on here are going to reflect that.

Looking back, the really rough bit was just for the first couple of months which isn’t a long time in the grand scheme of things – but it sure felt like forever at the time!

Post # 73
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

EllyAnne :  Mum to 4.5 month old rainbow baby here born end of October last year! TOTALLY get you on the wanting to have ‘you’ time. That was something I was worried about before I had my little dude. I basically decided that the first 3 months were going to be a write off and that I’d have 0 me time, so any that I did have was a bonus. Unfortunately that period was over Christmas but somehow we managed to get Christmas shopping done (online) and went out to husbands Christmas do and left mini me with my parents for a few hours. I think having support around you is a MASSIVE thing. Remember my mum coming over when he was 2 weeks old after the 5th all nighter (cows milk protein allergy undiagnosed at this point) and husband had just gone back to work… she made me breakfast and frog marched me upstairs for a shower!!

Anyway, yeah the first 3 months were fairly hard. He had CMPA meaning the first few weeks of his life he barely slept (all nighters anyone!) and I had to give up dairy cos it was coming through my breast milk. Even then, I still managed to shower every day because a shower takes 5 minutes and he did sleep at least 5 minutes in 24 hours. He also had a tongue tie that wasn’t picked up for the first 2 months meaning he’d feed for hours on end and we’d be topping up with formula to try and fill him up. All started to iron out after Christmas after the tongue tie was fixed meaning feeding became better, my supply went up and we phased the formula out. He’s now feeding every 2-3 hours for 20 minutes rather than all over the place, so I kinda feel like I have more me time back. He naps for 45 minute blocks in the day which is good for grabbing lunch, or showering (!!), or other!

I think my take away really is that it starts out very full on but as everyone keeps saying, it gets better and you gradually get more time back. What I have (feeds every 2-3 hours and 45 minute naps) is probably awful compared to someone else who at this point has feeds every 4-5 hours and 1-2 hour naps, but they’re all different. He’s absolutely worth it though, it’s just mind bending the love! Wishing you lots of luck with conceiving!

Post # 74
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

This thread has been really enlightening! I am pregnant with my first so curious to see what ends up happening for us and what kind of baby we ultimately have. I think what “scares” me is having bf-ing issues combined with sleep issues, which seems like that is where most of the stress of the first few months is coming from.

 

I’m also planning on staying home the first 6-12 months and only going back to something PT after that– so hopefully we can find a good balance and routine for us.

Post # 75
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

bubbycakes :  holly crap!! Idk how you are brave enough to have a 2nd kids after your 1st was so difficult. 

Honest to go I have no idea how people have more than 1 kid. We are planning on being 1 and done and that is the max that we think we can handle financially, physically and emotionaly. 

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