New or old friend as bridesmaid? Help!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
598 posts
Busy bee

Personally I would go with your old friend 🙂 you’ve been friends for years and she’s friends with the Maid/Matron of Honor so that’ll be lovely having them both in the bridal party. I have 6 friends I’ve known since I was 5 years old, 2 are married, 1 is getting divorced, 1 is single, 1 lives with her boyfriend, 1 is in a LDR and lives in Canada (her partner in Scotland). 

Yet we have been together through thick and thin. We have one another’s back. I can sometimes go a year without seeing some of them (I live in spain, 1 lives in Canada, another in Australia, the others all over the UK) yet we are all still close and when we meet it’s like no time has passed. These girls I know I will still be friends with for many many years…I’ve made new friends who I see more frequently than these girls, but, as you say, will my new friendship last the test of time? Who knows. 

Post # 3
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

 I’d go with the older friend!


My BM’s are my sister, two Future Sister-In-Law, and four closest friends. Of the four friends, 2 are highschool best friends that I’ve known for over a decade. Two are newer friends that I spend a lot more time with now a days but I’ve still been close friends with both for over 4 years.

Post # 4
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

sillylady93 : In this situation, I say the old friend. I would include the new friend on some wedding plans and choices since she’s so involved in your life, but I feel like the old friend as a bridesmaid is the way to go!

Post # 5
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

sillylady93 :  I did a mix. I have four bridesmaids. Maid/Matron of Honor is my best friend that I don’t see much now because we live across the country from each other and she has a new baby, but we’ve been friends for 15 years. Another bridesmaid is my sister-in-law that I’m actually pretty close with. Another is an old college friend, and the 4th is a fairly new friend that I’ve known for about 2 years now. The new friend is the only one who lives in the same state as me, so it has really been nice to have someone close to do the pre-wedding stuff with like going to bridal expos, dress alterations, etc. For your situation, I would think about who you want around you during your special day. You can say that you’d rather have your old friend because you don’t know if this new friendship will last, but for all you know, your relationship with the other friend may fizzle out over time. Things happen and people change; I wouldn’t base your choice off of who you think you’ll be friends with 20 years from now. Your bridesmaids are there to support you on your special day; pick who you feel comfortable with and excited to spend the moment with. 

Post # 7
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

In your shoes, I’d probably go with the old friend.

My sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor then I had my other sister, one of my SILs and my best friend (since I was 16) as bridesmaids.

Post # 8
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I only asked girls I’m currently close with. I noticed a lot of brides ask friends of many years who just aren’t invested in the friendship anymore and they get upset when that bridesmaid doesn’t magically start acting like a friend again once they’re a bridesmaid. I’ve been friends with the girls I asked for anywhere from 1-18 years. I decided to ask the friend of only 1 year over a few friends that I had for longer just because the friend of only 1 year was a way better and closer friend.

Post # 9
458 posts
Helper bee

Glad you were able to come to a decision :). But out of curiosity, why are there only a certain number of “spots”? Is your party already pretty big? From your post it seems small so I’m not sure why having both would be out of question. Unless you’re certain you want even numbers on both sides or feel that the new friend would be the odd one out since the rest all know each other.

Post # 10
4 posts

I understand your dilemma! You could always just have two bridesmaids and then you wouldn’t offend anyone… Another option would be to include your older friend in another way – perhaps ask her to do a reading at the ceremony? Or some other important task that you can asign her to… What do you think her reaction would be – are you afraid she would be upset? I think the best thing is to talk to her about it and explain that you would love to have more bridesmaids but it’s not possible and as your other friend lives closer and is single (if that’s right?) she can be more involved in the wedding preparations… she’d be making more of an effort to get excited!!! 
Good luck 

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