Post # 1
me and my sister don’t get on. long story short but she doesn’t get on with anyone and there is always this divide. she’s a recent recovering alcoholic and generally not nice. a toxic person. she was abusive too. she’s ruined every milestone my 18th,21st engadgement party etc. I’m a big people pleaser and even though I don’t get on I want to include her. if I do thou I will be making my mum happy but upset other sisters who don’t speak to her. me and my OH spoke about it yesterday and even mentioning her at the reception around alcohol, gives me so much anxiety I actually had a full blown panic attack. I just keep thinking I’ll be watching her through out the wedding and paranoid she will drink and make a huge scene. what do I do… this is causing me so much anxiety. I almost want to scrap the wedding and run away and marry in private. PS my OH can’t stand her. he’s seen what she’s done for years.
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
Don’t invite your sister to your wedding if it’s causing you this much stress.
Post # 3
Your wedding, if your date is correct, isn’t for over a year. She’s recently recovering. I get having a sibling who was a monster for a lot of your life and did a lot of damage, but if she’s in recovery, supporting her through it now can not only make a huge difference for your future relationship, but it can give you clarity when it gets closer to your wedding as to whether or not she’ll be able to handle it.
Hopefully when you say she’s recovering, you mean she’s in therapy, getting regular help and support and all that, not just that she’s said she’s stopping.
Post # 4
hi. no she went to a private clinic for 2 weeks. she says shes sober. she refuses to engage in any on going treatment and claims she doesn’t need it. my OH points out, without alcohol she’s still not nice. she’s no parental responsibility as she lost her kids due to alcohol and drugs
Post # 5
When you initially come out, you’re not very nice. 🙂 It’s a new life and your crutch is gone. It’s not easy. I’m not ever going to say that it’s easy, and it’s certainly not fair, because you’re the one who’s already been hurt multiple times and now it’s on you to be the helper. It’s especially hard if she’s refusing to get more help. If she won’t stay in therapy, the best you can really do is be encouraging. Saying she can only be involved if she sees a therapist, for instance, never ends well. Threats don’t work.
My brother didn’t truly go sober even after he was down to only having half a kidney. It was in the years after that, with chronic pain and other health issues, that he slowly got worn down and stopped with his drinking/smoking/Other. We’re on good terms now, but even five years ago he was scary to be around. You can’t force it. You can just be supportive of improvement. There’s no incentive for a person to stay sober if family won’t welcome them back. Again, it’s not fair. It’s just the way it is.
Good luck to both of you!!
Post # 6
I had a similar problem and ultimately chose NOT to invite an immediate family member due to concerns about their drinking and general crap/out of control behavior. I was on the fence until someone very smart pointed out that this day wasn’t just about me, it was about my husband as well. I had a responsibility to protect him and his family (not to mention the other guests) from this person, who I was 95% sure would make a scene/get drunk/insult people and make them feel uncomfortable. Was it sad to exclude this person? My honest answer is it was sad that years of drinking and horrible actions had irreparably hurt our relationship and it was sad that I couldn’t trust them to behave decently even for one day.
Btw, I had a wonderful wedding and was so glad I didn’t invite that family member. I don’t regret it.