(Closed) new poster. family fall out

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

Don’t invite your sister to  your wedding if it’s causing you this much stress. 

Post # 3
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Your wedding, if your date is correct, isn’t for over a year.  She’s recently recovering.  I get having a sibling who was a monster for a lot of your life and did a lot of damage, but if she’s in recovery, supporting her through it now can not only make a huge difference for your future relationship, but it can give you clarity when it gets closer to your wedding as to whether or not she’ll be able to handle it.

Hopefully when you say she’s recovering, you mean she’s in therapy, getting regular help and support and all that, not just that she’s said she’s stopping.

Post # 5
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

When you initially come out, you’re not very nice. 🙂  It’s a new life and your crutch is gone.  It’s not easy.  I’m not ever going to say that it’s easy, and it’s certainly not fair, because you’re the one who’s already been hurt multiple times and now it’s on you to be the helper.  It’s especially hard if she’s refusing to get more help.  If she won’t stay in therapy, the best you can really do is be encouraging.  Saying she can only be involved if she sees a therapist, for instance, never ends well.  Threats don’t work.

My brother didn’t truly go sober even after he was down to only having half a kidney.  It was in the years after that, with chronic pain and other health issues, that he slowly got worn down and stopped with his drinking/smoking/Other.  We’re on good terms now, but even five years ago he was scary to be around.  You can’t force it.  You can just be supportive of improvement.  There’s no incentive for a person to stay sober if family won’t welcome them back.  Again, it’s not fair.  It’s just the way it is.

Good luck to both of you!!

Post # 6
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I had a similar problem and ultimately chose NOT to invite an immediate family member due to concerns about their drinking and general crap/out of control behavior. I was on the fence until someone very smart pointed out that this day wasn’t just about me, it was about my husband as well. I had a responsibility to protect him and his family (not to mention the other guests) from this person, who I was 95% sure would make a scene/get drunk/insult people and make them feel uncomfortable.  Was it sad to exclude this person? My honest answer is it was sad that years of drinking and horrible actions had irreparably hurt our relationship and it was sad that I couldn’t trust them to behave decently even for one day. 

Btw, I had a wonderful wedding and was so glad I didn’t invite that family member. I don’t regret it. 

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