- 3 months ago
Regular bee going anon for this long post. I’ve never posted on here for something like this, and I feel so guilty and embarrassed to do so. About a week ago Darling Husband and I got a new puppy. He grew up with dogs and has always wanted a puppy of his own. I never had dogs growing up, but I was excited myself to do this together. We decided we would keep our eye out for puppies around the area. I came across someone selling puppies from their dog’s litter so we went to meet the puppies, fell in love with one, and brought her home that day. I have to admit, it was a little bit of an impulse buy. We had talked about puppies and done our research, and thought we were ready to take on the challenge.
Fast forward to what should be a happy week with our new puppy, my husband and I are not doing so well. The first night was rough, but of course that was expected. Darling Husband has a very sensitive sleeping schedule, so once he gets up, it is hard for him to go back to sleep. We decided that I would let her out in the middle of the night, and he would let her out and stay up with her first thing in the morning while I sleep in. So the first night the puppy starting crying around 3 a.m. to go out, I got up to let her out, but unfortunately this woke up Darling Husband. So of course, he was up at 3 a.m. and couldn’t go back to bed. Unfortunately this has happened every single night this past week, which has compromised his sleeping schedule. He has only gotten around 3-4 hours of sleep every night, feels nauseous 24/7 because of it, and cannot focus at work. He is truly not himself in this state, and cannot find a way to get out of it. To try to help him out I slept with the puppy in the living room last night away from the bedroom, but still he could not get a good night’s sleep from all the anxiety of how we were going to get through this. I have been getting around 5-6 hours of sleep and can survive off of that, but I am desperate for 8 hours of straight sleep. To add to all the stress, just yesterday I found out that I lost a grant for the next 2 years of graduate school. Now I will have to work extra hard to apply for a scholarship that could help fund school, isolating myself more from Darling Husband and the puppy when I want to help as much as he does.
I know the work that comes into getting a puppy. I know that the first few weeks are the toughest, and that it is normal to be this exhausted, but seeing the toll that this has taken on my Darling Husband and I in just a week frightens me for the next few months to come. I want to tough this out so badly, but my Darling Husband and I are so miserable, beyond just being tired. We both have histories of depression and anxiety and we thought this would be good for that, but it has only made it worse. This past week I have kept reassuring myself that this is the worst part, but seeing Darling Husband like this makes me realize that we may have made a huge mistake. All of this led to a conversation between Darling Husband and I yesterday about what we should do next. If we knew that this grant would be lost, we would have waited as we know puppies can be a huge expense. We also simply underestimated the toll that this would take on our mental health.
I can’t imagine just giving her up as I am already so attached to her. She is an absolute sweetheart. She is always so happy to see us, but I think we are too stressed and overwhelmed to appreciate it right now. It kills me to think of her being with someone else and not us, but I know that someone else could have more time and patience for her. I am so mad at myself for thinking about giving up so early in this process, and am so conflicted. I just don’t know what to do right now. Any advice would be so appreciated.