New puppy, feeling so guilty. Advice needed.

posted 3 months ago in Pets
Post # 2
5720 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

You won’t have to wake up in the middle of the night for months like you do with a baby, this is a very temporary stage. Within a few weeks you should generally be able to let the puppy out late at night and get up early to let her out first thing, rather than actually getting up during the night. How old was the puppy when you got her/ how old now? This phase really shouldn’t last that long, but the first week can be incredibly difficult.

Obviously it is too late now but I would never advise anyone to get a puppy if they can’t take a week or at least a few days off work to get a good head start on training. 

Out of curiosity were you guys ever planning on having kids? I will say the reaction from you both sounds very extreme, it seems like you were really unprepared for this change.  I just can’t imagine anyone who actually did their research as you claim would be this put off after a week. 

You say it has been about a week, does this mean it has only been like 3 work days given the weekend has just passed? 

Post # 3
6833 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Puppies are so cute, but they are the worst. 

This only lasts for a short while. And tbh if you give up a dog after a week, I would hope you’d never get another animal in the future. A week of short sleep makes you want to give them up? C’mon. 

Okay, judgement done. What I would do: I would alternate hours with your husband for the next week and see if that helps. Have him sleep 9pm – 5 am. You sleep 11-7. If you take the pup out at 11, you can maybe get them until 2 or 3 am. Then hubby gets up at 5 and takes her out. 

I think how quickly they catch on to house training depends on the dog, but I have found (foster mom here) that the larger breed dogs seem to have larger bladders and “catch on” to sleeping through the night much quicker. 

I would also always recommend a minimum of 3 weeks, ideally 4-6 to see how you and the dog adjust. Keep in mind, this puppy probably hasn’t been alone/away from her siblings in her ENTIRE life. That’s a huge change! She needs some time too. That said, at the end of the month, if it’s not for you, then don’t keep the dog. If you aren’t able to give her a fulfilling life, then it would be better to give her up. But IMO this should be a last resort, and you should commit to giving this animal your all since you decided to purchase it. Good luck bee! And post pictures of this little sleep demon! 

Post # 4
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

guiltyanonbee11 :  First off, breathe.. it will all be ok! We just got a puppy and yes I admit it is a lot of work but the phase passes quickly. As for the sleep schedule, here is what worked for us. We started right away with crate training. So we put the dog in the crate periodically throughout the day and give him treats every team he goes in to make sure he likes it. We also give him a toy while he is in there and say “go to sleep” when he is going in. The first night, he cried the entire night (which is normal). But we kept up the pattern of the treats in the crate and putting him in there all night, and ever since the 2nd day, he sleeps through the entire night without a peep. We actually wake him up in the morning. Dogs won’t do their business where they sleep, so you won’t have to get up in the middle of the night if your puppy is in the crate. Good luck! You can do this! 

Post # 5
3794 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

guiltyanonbee11 :  Awe, I’m sorry you’re struggling OP! Fiance and I adopted our pup when he was 7 months old (and house-trained) and he still had quite an adjustment period for the first month.

Can your husband go to bed a couple hours early for a little while to try & get some extra sleep? Maybe ear plugs for the next couple weeks? I would sleep separately from him until your puppy is able to sleep through the night. This phase will be over before too terribly long, hang in there! We found that exercising our dog twice a day was really helpful in getting him to sleep through the night, as well as crate training (which is very common here, but I understand is not common everywhere). 

Post # 6
6833 posts
Busy Beekeeper

lovetotravel02092017 :  The first night, he cried the entire night (which is normal). But we kept up the pattern of the treats in the crate and putting him in there all night, and ever since the 2nd day, he sleeps through the entire night without a peep. We actually wake him up in the morning. Dogs won’t do their business where they sleep, so you won’t have to get up in the middle of the night if your puppy is in the crate

This is not totally true. Many dogs aren’t able to hold it the entire night and WILL pee where they sleep, thus instilling a really bad habit. Recommending someone to lock their dog up the entire night while she’s crying is not great advice =\ Especially any puppymill dogs (and no offence to OP but it doesnt sound like she did a ton of research and picked a reliable breeder), they literally live 24/7 in their crate and absolute will use it as a bathroom. 


Post # 7
24 posts
  • Wedding: March 2018

I got a kitten about three weeks ago and had to comment. I actually made a post here after a few days when I went into “panic and regret” mode. It’s a HUGE life change and I had the same reaction… I started questioning why I uprooted my life and if it was all worth it. 

I’m clearly still a newbie, but it’s already gotten so much better after three weeks. We’ve settled into a routine, gotten used to each other, and the guilt over leaving him alone or doing everything perfectly has subsided a lot. Give it time. I was resentful of my kitten in the beginning but once that passed, it was so much easier to be flexible. 

Baby animals are so tough! Don’t be hard on yourself. It’s ok if your puppy cries… he’s loved and taken care of. Babyhood is temporary:) 

Post # 8
378 posts
Helper bee

I got both of my dogs as puppies. Waking in the middle of the night didn’t last longer then about a week. But every dog is different. One suggestion I did get was to get a stuffed toy that resembles your puppy. So you put it in their crate with them at night. It may not be a bladder issue. It could be that the puppy is really lonely (or scared) and is used to being with it’s litter mates at night. I’ve done that with all my puppies and that toy has always ended up being their favourite. Just a thought of something you could try. But you should not be thinking of giving up! You’ve barely scratched the surface.

ETA – it’s worth the work. There is nothing like the love of a pet. If you think you love your dog now, wait til next year and beyond!

Post # 9
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I was not recommending that she keep the dog locked up all night if the dog is crying to go to the bathroom, I am just saying that is what worked for us. I read that crate training is the best way to potty train a puppy and it worked for us. We however got our puppy from a reputable breeder and he was not locked up 24/7. jellybellynelly :  

Post # 10
6833 posts
Busy Beekeeper

lovetotravel02092017 :  I definitely agree with crate training, but you did specifically say “he cried the entire night”, so I just wanted to point out NOT letting pup out could start them eliminating in the kennel. 

Post # 11
1401 posts
Bumble bee

lovetotravel02092017 : Dogs don’t have control over their bladder until they are around 6 months old, a young puppy should not be made to hold their pee in all night by having to sit in it if they have an accident. It’s just not possible for them and they will repeatedly soil their bedding.

We have a crate for our two year old dog at night, but we only used it once she was fully house trained and too big for her puppy pen (which we used to stop her getting up to mischief while we were out or sleeping), if she ever barks or cries we let her out, we’ve only carried on using it because she feels safe in there now and goes in herself, we also have house rabbits and they free roam at night so it’s to keep them safe too. I think crates can work well for short periods of time, but shouldn’t be used to try and toilet train young puppies. 

Post # 12
2056 posts
Buzzing bee

Maybe your husband will get better at going back to sleep?  Or he needs to go to bed earlier?  Luckily it is a puppy and not a human baby so this won’t last for long. I have an 8 month old baby.  My husband and I now go to bed an hour earlier to deal with late night wake ups.  I often don’t get back to sleep after 4:30 a.m. but I just deal with it … I drink more coffee.  I haven’t had 8 hours of straight sleep in over a year between pregnancy and baby.  

Post # 13
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Puppies are so much work. I will echo what everyone else has said that the puppy will adjust and sleepless nights will be over. My dog took 2 months to sleep through the night and it was rough but we made it through and now I have to force her to wake up in the morning to go. 

Post # 14
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Omg bee oh how do I know this pain. We have a 9 month old Golden retriever whose currently all tuckered out next to me from our morning run.

We had a pretty good puppy sleep wise from early on

But that didn’t mean toilet training came easy. Then there’s the guilt! The guilt of leaving him home while we worked. We kept cameras on him so we could hear him yelping. It was awful.

Fiance and I were fighting constantly. He was driving a wedge between us. I was at my wits end. There were MANY times where I questioned whether it was the right choice getting him.

But – that hellish early phase does pass. It gets easier for everyone. You just have to push through. Keep up with training and establish a good schedule – once a puppy knows the schedule you’re good as gold!

Please stick it out. I can’t imagine my life without my boy, even if our garden is torn to shreds and I’m always worried about his welfare. He is the light of my life (outside Fiance of course) and I’m so glad I never gave in to the hell that is the first few months .


Best of luck to you!


Post # 15
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

ariesscientist :  This!

When my dog was a puppy for the first week I woke up every three hours to take her outside. Made a sound when she peed so she would associate the sound and peeing and we stayed outside till she went potty. Took her like two days to figure out I was just waiting for her to pee to go inside and she would squat immediately and go potty on command. How long this stage lasts depends on the age of your dog. Puppies cannot hold their bladders all night. The general rule is they can hold their bladder for one hour per month they are old. So 8 week old puppy, 2 hours.


Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors