- 5 years ago
Hello, Bees! I need a community to turn to that will be understanding of my upcoming situation and I know none better than this one. If you’d like some backstory on my topsy-turvy life, you can see my most recent posts – basically, ended an engagement/4.5-year relationship earlier this year which was a GREAT thing and I’ve met someone amazing now.
Dan and I met through okcupid back in October, though honestly how we never met before is amazing – we were in college at the same time and had a couple of (big) classes together, mutual friends, etc. In fact, I’m almost certain we DID talk to each other at least once because junior year he tabled for the Obama election campaign and I was always stopping by. Anyway. But regardless, it took finding each other online to actually make the meet happen.
The spark between us was immediate. You know when you just *know*? Despite that, because we both have totally crazy lives right now for the first month or so we just dated casually (I was seeing another guy at the time and trying to decide about moving back to Ohio). Before he left for his winter break [grad school] in early December, we both realized that it was silly to pretend we didn’t want to be together: all I could want is him, and he feels the same. So we made if official December 7.
Five weeks apart while he went on vacation was gonna be tough, but he’s great about texting every day and skyping often. Despite being apart, I feel our relationship has continued to grow and develop – we said I love you last week, and I know from my experience with love and not love that it’s real. I’m terrified and excited to have found love again after spending a year+ with someone I didn’t actually love anymore and going through the insane heartbreak of putting my life back together after that ended.
Enter the new challenge: over the course of the last 3 weeks, Dan was offered an amazing internship with a company in his field. The problem? It’s in California – I live in New York. At first it was just going to be 3 months and then he was planning to come back for the remainder of the semester and figure out where to go from there. But he’s come to realize they mean to basically offer him a full-time job, so he thinks he’ll likely just STAY out there indefinitely, unless something goes horribly wrong/he really hates it.
I was nervous about a 3-month LDR when this whole thing is so new. But now it’s basically… forever. Well. Not forever. The truth is, I’ve been deeply unhappy with my job and where I live for quite some time. California has been on my list of potential places to move to since long before I met him. So I *would* move to be with him. I’m not rushing anything – I realize that our relationship is brand new, and a lot can happen in 5 months.
But I feel like this is the man I’m going to spend my life with. I say this as someone who has already been through the engagement and planning a life – a life with the wrong person. I know what it is to be with the wrong person, and to know it in the back of your head. I don’t feel that way with him. And I dated several people between him and my ex, so I’m also not rebounding by any means (I already did that to someone… :/).
Anyway. I guess what I’m asking for is some general advice from women who have and are going through this kind of separation. Was it early in your relationship? Did you start off long distance? I read through the thread with tips already, but I’m hoping for some direct advice related to my situation.
I get to see him again in two weeks for 5 days. So exciting! We’re meeting each other’s mothers then, which should be interesting haha.