(Closed) New relationship + long distance = (long!)

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Darling Husband and I started dating the summer we graduated from high school and when the summer ended we left for colleges that are a plane ride apart.  We did 5 years of long distance, after only being in the same place dating for like 2 months.  Granted, we were friends about 1.5 yrs before we dated, and school breaks do offer more flexibility in terms of visits.  But we did do it!  Wasn’t easy by any means, but with webcams and airplanes we made it work.  Now we’ve lived together for 3.5 yrs and are very, very happy πŸ™‚

Post # 5
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Fiance and I dated long distance for a year after we had been together for a few months. We saw eachother every month or two. It ended when I started going to his college (we started dating my junior year of HS/his freshman year of college). I don’t regret going to his school and wouldn’t have regretted it if we had broken up. It was not the worst thing in the world and we got to know each other a lot better than couples who never do/did long distance. The lack of an endpoint would freak me out, but if you can see yourself moving there at some point I don’t think it will be so bad. Just make sure to know when you’re going to see eachother next before the end of each visit. Make routines with texts/calls/skype ect so that you get to communicate as much as you can. Do “dates in a box” where you mail him a movie and popcorn and then rent the same movie you bought him. Watch it over the phone together. Write letters. Its silly but my favorite memento from our dating days is one of the letters Fiance wrote me. Even though we talked between it being mailed and me receiving it I still enjoyed reading it. I also liked mailing cookies/brownies and treats and I know he liked receiving them. We dated long distance again one summer a few years later when I had a once in a lifetime internship oppertunity. I thought it was easier the second time around even though there were no visits because we had just gotten engaged and I had no doubts about the relationship. He thought it was harder because he got used to us living together.

Post # 6
150 posts
Blushing bee

Hey there! Just wanna say you aren’t alone. Also left a horrible relationship of 5 years (ring and all) earlier this year and subsequently embarked on a borderline comical journey of dating which eventually led me to meet a guy online with whom I intended to just be friends with. Woops, that didn’t work out.  He is from where I live but moved out East for work several years ago.  He came home for the holidays and it has been kind of wild and crazy but overall pretty great.  So now we will need to do a “long distance get to know each other.” Already, though, what I realized is that anything that occurs on the internet/over the phone/on skype pales in comparison to real life and that sometimes is jarring. Gah.

I have done long distance in the past so I am a veteran. But that was an established relationship so I anticipate this being really challenging and potentially could be a time sink where we won’t really know if we are truly compatible until he moves back home (which he is thinking of doing sometime soon).  In any case, it sounds like you guys are great at using different means of communication and I recommend keeping it as spicy as possible…that seems to keep the fires alive, especially for the boys who are more visual and one-track minded ;p

I don’t have any advice about starting a new relationship LD but I can relate! πŸ™‚ Wahhh, the guy takes off for home tomorrow. Have fun with your upcoming visit! πŸ˜€

Post # 8
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MissCalifornia:  Hi OP. I know exactly what you’re going through. When I met my Darling Husband for the first time, it was when he came down from Phoenix to visit his cousin who was my college roommate. I was living in New Orleans at the time. After hitting it off, he stayed two weeks later than he originally planned but eventually he had to go back to Phoenix. We actually didn’t live in the same city until I moved to Phoenix after graduating law school. By then we were already in year 6 of our long distance relationship. Truthfully, my long distance relationship was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. Not only are you missing the physical but also the mental and emotional support of having someone there. Despite all the webcamming, phone calls, care packages, there are tons of things you will miss out on in each other lives due to the dstance. We actually broke up twice when he refused to move to come closer to me. Luckily we managed to work it out and now are happily married living in Houston. 

My advice to you is to take it slow and know what you’re getting yourself into. It sounds like you’re doing a great job focusing on yourself first. Don’t rush into decisions based on pure emotion. That won’t feed you if you’re jobless in CA. Good luck and remember long distance can work!

Post # 10
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

@MissCalifornia:  my mister and I have been long distance the entire length of our relationship (it’ll be 8 years this March!) but thankfully we’ll be putting an end to the long distance part really soon. 

We have a similar story. Went to college together and were on campus at the same time and even circulated the same party circuit but never met until after I graduated and moved back home (we met online too). Being in a LDR is really tough and not something I handily recommend to everyone but there was something about this relationship that was different and worth sticking out.

I agree with the PP, definitely take some time and feel things out. No need to rush into any decisions right now. See how the relationship develops and evolves and if your SO does end up staying in California and you two are positive about your relationship, then maybe begin thinking of making the move. 

Post # 11
150 posts
Blushing bee

@MissCalifornia:I definitely want to try and move it as slow as possible”

how’s it going? so i asked my mother to come with me to my yoga class today (what was I thinking?!?!) and she started to ask me about long distance dating. she expressed concern that it would be really hard to get to know someone long distance and that it would take a really long time before anything would move forward because it would be so hard to really know who u were getting.  how are you approaching this? what does moving slow mean to you?  i’m not sure how to go slowly in an LDR given that it is already tortuously…well…slow.

hope your visit is going well! πŸ™‚

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