New Relationship With A Military Man…Deployment?!

posted 5 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@whatdidigetmyselfinto:  Oh darling! Please take a seat and just breathe! I am going to message you so I can try and help you more than a couple of silly sentences haha

You are going to be alright and it is hard for me to answer this all on here. It really comes down to how you feel about each other. Sit down with him and let him know you are going to wait faithfully for his return and ask if he will do the same. Let him know if you want this to be exclusive or if he thinks you should be able to see other people while apart. 

Those other questions I will be happy to talk to you about through message(: 

Here to help a fellow Sister! 

Post # 4
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

@whatdidigetmyselfinto:  Yes I agree with

@Payless:  Just calm down and breath!!! everything will be ok , my so just got deployed march 28th  , just stay positive its the best thing you can do! I never think about the bad things it just makes me depressed!  Try and stay busy do lots of things and well try not to mope around!

He definetely shouldn’t lose interest while he’s gone! He will even more want to be with you if your going to support him along the way , The worst thing you can do is show weakness , just stay happy for him , imagine going away and knowing your other half is unhappy? If you plan on being together for the rest of your lifes , 6-12 is nothing πŸ™‚

My so was deployed before for a while and it made us stronger! He’s the best thing I could ever ask for in life and him going away is just a little sacrafice we will have to take! The best thing you can do for him is show him your gonna be there for him through thick and thin! He will love you forever for it trust me.

If he is incredible like you say , do your best for him and he will be happy! Obviously its not the best thing to happen but just stay positive! You have a long time till he does go away and this will definetely help with it! You have a lot of time to think and get ready for it and also get to know eachother better! This happened to be too , I met my boyfriend and 4 months into our relationship he told me he said to go away a year later but that whole time , we grew stronger as people and also our relationship and this made everything ok and im sure it will for you too . We have been together for nearly 2 years and had two deployments in that time! I wouldn’t change him for the world , when you love someone so much you will do anything for them!

 

I hope I helped you out a little bit! Please feel free to ask me anything else or message me! All of us army wives and girlfriends have to stick together x

Post # 5
Member
9099 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Bees,

 

Please thank all of your brave men for their service to our country.  And mnay thanks to you for staying strong and supporting them while they are in harm’s way.

Post # 6
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I sent my Fiance food and shaving cream etc in packages when he was on deployment.  It is hard, but you just have to keep concentrating on life and friends and keep busy.  I’m not sure how different it is for Australian/American airforces, but my Fiance was working 7 days a wk, 12 hrs a day while he was over there and even if he was the sort of guy to cheat, he wouldn’t have had the energy, time, or opportunities to do it.  It was more stressful for him to think of me back here! He would probably really appreciate knowing that you will wait for him if he does get deployed πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My FH is in the military as well, so I know what you’re going through πŸ™‚

My best advice is to sit him down and get as much information as you can from him! When I first started dating FH, I knew literally not one single thing about the military. He loved that I took an interest and he loved answering questions for me. Knowledge is the best tool you can have! Learn his job and what he’ll be doing on deployment. Not only will that help you understand things from his point of view, but it may make you feel better about his safety. 

Skyping and communication varies so much on deployments. My advice: go in with LOW expectations. When my FH is deployed, even if I go a week with consecutive e-mails from him, I never get used to it or grow to expect it. That way you won’t be disappointed and you will be excited if you do get to talk to him!

Don’t worry about the frequency of your packages. He will love as many or as few as you send. That’s my favorite part of FH being deployed. Everywhere I go I find something that he might like and I put it in a box and slowly collect items. It makes you feel like you can still care of him and it’s nice to know that you can send a piece of yourself to him.

If you’re in a trusting, healthy, happy relationship then deployment is not as bad as it seems. It makes you stronger and your relationship will grow hugely. Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need to talk or have questions. πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

@whatdidigetmyselfinto:  Hes going away for 6 months! So this will be our longest time apart!! Its kinda difficult what to say because you have only been together for 2 months ! But you can ask me anything or even personnel message me πŸ™‚ haha ok πŸ˜› no worries x

Post # 10
Member
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@whatdidigetmyselfinto:  I have a good friend who was boot camp, advanced training and then deployment for the first 3 years I knew him. I found that the distance actually helped us get to know each other really well, maybe better than we would have otherwise. 

Stock up on some nice stationary. Read up on things to pack in care packages. He’s going to appreciate anything you do and the nice thing is simple things just talking about your day in letters and a quick Skype session are going to be GREAT for him. I worked in a call center with the typical odd personalities you find in any office. I would jot crazy things people said or did on post-it notes and include them with my letters. He got a kick out of these funny little glimpses of normal life. 

He’s probably going to be deployed for a third time so I started a pinterest board with care package ideas. Check it out if you want some inspiration. I got a ten pack of the APO/FPO flat rate boxes. I’d keep one open at a time and fill it up over a couple weeks. Some people decorate the insides, too, which is cute. 

Post # 11
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just wanted to say my thoughts are with you!  Separations are never easy, but if this is something you’re both committed to you’ll definitely be able to get through it!

Post # 12
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hey there! Just wanted to put my two cents in and tell you it’s going to be okay. Deployments can be rough but you will get through them. My Fiance is in the Air Force and deploys about 2-3 times per year for 2 months at a time. While it does suck that he leaves so often and for so long, it definitely makes us stronger.

When he left for his first deployment we weren’t engaged yet but he told me later that while he was gone he got to think about what was important in life and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. So I definitely think it can make you closer while still being physically apart.

For the communication thing, send e-mails, Skype and download the Viber app (it lets you text/make phone calls through Wi-Fi). Packages are always nice and I’m sure he will love whatever you send him. 

The best advice I can give you is to stay busy and do your own thing. Stay strong and best of luck! Send me a message if you need more advice/want to talk.

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

JessieGrey :  Hi could you talk to me please? I don’t know any army wives or girlfriends and I’d like someone to talk to that has been through the same thing. We have been together a year and a half and this is our first deployment together and it is for 6 months.

Post # 13
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My first Darling Husband was Navy, deployed in the 80’s. Technology has changed so much, we had to write long letters and wait for the post office.  But one of the things I wanted to tell you is that it can make you stronger.  He left for 4 months after we were together for only a month,  he was underway for two 10 month Westpacs and once for a 4 month Northpac.  He missed every Christmas, birthday, and anniversary for 4 years. 

Plan on having stupid fights before he leaves and after he gets back.  I don’t know why, just seems to be part of the process.

You’ll get used to just taking care of everything yourself.  It made me very independent.  

PP’s are correct, he probably won’t have time to even think about cheating.  But really that could happen anywhere. 

Post # 14
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I met my SO a couple of weeks ago. He is still on deployment. Long story short, an imposter was stealing his pics and making accounts to scam others out of money. I really like him, but I’m trying to keep a level head. I tried the long distance thing before, and it ended badly. Was lied to, cheated on, and used for money.  I would like to meet in person first before I consider us officially in a relationship. He already has said he loves me and calls me baby whenever I text him.  Do I wait until he comes home before I get to know him more? We have sent each other pics. Am I just being too cautious? Any advice on the situation is greatly appreciated. 😘

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