Post # 1
Anon bee here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months…so this is a brand new relationship. He is in the air force and his “tempo band” (I think that’s what it is called?) starts in November, meaning he could get deployed any time starting in November until March…Deployment as I understand it could be 6-12 months.
I know very little about the military. I don’t know anyone closely who has been in until I met my boyfriend. I have no one to talk to about how all this stuff works. If he wasn’t so incredible, I wouldn’t even be here right now because…I don’t know, deployment is so scary. What if he loses interest while he is gone? What if I do? How hard is it REALLY? Will he cheat? Can he cheat? Will I be a good enough girlfriend, like do I send him packages when he is gone? What if I don’t send him as many as his friends get…will he break up with me? Can we skype? How often will I get to talk to him? He won’t know anything that is going on in my life and that makes me so sad, because the next year of my life is full of exciting things. And of course…the ultimate question…what if he doesn’t come back? I begin to think about these things and get so overwhelmed that I just stop and enjoy the moment…I’m having so much fun with him and he is everything I’ve ever looked for in a guy. But man, I don’t know. Can I handle this?
I saw a commercial about a soldier coming home and felt like I had been punched in the gut. Like, this is real. This is real, heavy, shit. I told him about it and we watched that movie Taking Chance, which was just…heavy. I don’t really know how to process it. Just that it was heavy. I don’t want him to leave, and I hardly know him…I know he has to, and honestly, I am so proud of him for doing what he is doing. I just want him to be okay. When he leaves, it will be at like the peak of our relationship… I just feel like, I don’t know. Please just tell me your deployment stories, good and bad. I just need to hear them. Thanks, bees. <3
Post # 3
@whatdidigetmyselfinto: Oh darling! Please take a seat and just breathe! I am going to message you so I can try and help you more than a couple of silly sentences haha
You are going to be alright and it is hard for me to answer this all on here. It really comes down to how you feel about each other. Sit down with him and let him know you are going to wait faithfully for his return and ask if he will do the same. Let him know if you want this to be exclusive or if he thinks you should be able to see other people while apart.
Those other questions I will be happy to talk to you about through message(:
Here to help a fellow Sister!
Post # 4
@whatdidigetmyselfinto: Yes I agree with
@Payless: Just calm down and breath!!! everything will be ok , my so just got deployed march 28th , just stay positive its the best thing you can do! I never think about the bad things it just makes me depressed! Try and stay busy do lots of things and well try not to mope around!
He definetely shouldn’t lose interest while he’s gone! He will even more want to be with you if your going to support him along the way , The worst thing you can do is show weakness , just stay happy for him , imagine going away and knowing your other half is unhappy? If you plan on being together for the rest of your lifes , 6-12 is nothing 🙂
My so was deployed before for a while and it made us stronger! He’s the best thing I could ever ask for in life and him going away is just a little sacrafice we will have to take! The best thing you can do for him is show him your gonna be there for him through thick and thin! He will love you forever for it trust me.
If he is incredible like you say , do your best for him and he will be happy! Obviously its not the best thing to happen but just stay positive! You have a long time till he does go away and this will definetely help with it! You have a lot of time to think and get ready for it and also get to know eachother better! This happened to be too , I met my boyfriend and 4 months into our relationship he told me he said to go away a year later but that whole time , we grew stronger as people and also our relationship and this made everything ok and im sure it will for you too . We have been together for nearly 2 years and had two deployments in that time! I wouldn’t change him for the world , when you love someone so much you will do anything for them!
I hope I helped you out a little bit! Please feel free to ask me anything else or message me! All of us army wives and girlfriends have to stick together x
Post # 5
Please thank all of your brave men for their service to our country. And mnay thanks to you for staying strong and supporting them while they are in harm’s way.
Post # 6
I sent my Fiance food and shaving cream etc in packages when he was on deployment. It is hard, but you just have to keep concentrating on life and friends and keep busy. I’m not sure how different it is for Australian/American airforces, but my Fiance was working 7 days a wk, 12 hrs a day while he was over there and even if he was the sort of guy to cheat, he wouldn’t have had the energy, time, or opportunities to do it. It was more stressful for him to think of me back here! He would probably really appreciate knowing that you will wait for him if he does get deployed 🙂
Post # 7
@Payless: Thank you SO Much for your message…I am going to respond soon =)
@JessieGrey: Wow, that is so recent! How long will your SO be gone, if you don’t mind me asking? The thing is, I can’t say that I ‘plan’ on spending the rest of my life with him. I just met him two months ago! You know? So it’s like…I feel like deployment itself is such a huge commitment in itself this early in the relationship.
-will respond more later. I’m at his house and he is coming out of the shower! lol. I don’t want him to know I posted this…he knows I go on this site so I definitely don’t want him to see this thread. Yet, anyway. Maybe I will show him later.
Post # 8
My FH is in the military as well, so I know what you’re going through 🙂
My best advice is to sit him down and get as much information as you can from him! When I first started dating FH, I knew literally not one single thing about the military. He loved that I took an interest and he loved answering questions for me. Knowledge is the best tool you can have! Learn his job and what he’ll be doing on deployment. Not only will that help you understand things from his point of view, but it may make you feel better about his safety.
Skyping and communication varies so much on deployments. My advice: go in with LOW expectations. When my FH is deployed, even if I go a week with consecutive e-mails from him, I never get used to it or grow to expect it. That way you won’t be disappointed and you will be excited if you do get to talk to him!
Don’t worry about the frequency of your packages. He will love as many or as few as you send. That’s my favorite part of FH being deployed. Everywhere I go I find something that he might like and I put it in a box and slowly collect items. It makes you feel like you can still care of him and it’s nice to know that you can send a piece of yourself to him.
If you’re in a trusting, healthy, happy relationship then deployment is not as bad as it seems. It makes you stronger and your relationship will grow hugely. Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need to talk or have questions. 🙂
Post # 9
@whatdidigetmyselfinto: Hes going away for 6 months! So this will be our longest time apart!! Its kinda difficult what to say because you have only been together for 2 months ! But you can ask me anything or even personnel message me 🙂 haha ok 😛 no worries x
Post # 10
@whatdidigetmyselfinto: I have a good friend who was boot camp, advanced training and then deployment for the first 3 years I knew him. I found that the distance actually helped us get to know each other really well, maybe better than we would have otherwise.
Stock up on some nice stationary. Read up on things to pack in care packages. He’s going to appreciate anything you do and the nice thing is simple things just talking about your day in letters and a quick Skype session are going to be GREAT for him. I worked in a call center with the typical odd personalities you find in any office. I would jot crazy things people said or did on post-it notes and include them with my letters. He got a kick out of these funny little glimpses of normal life.
He’s probably going to be deployed for a third time so I started a pinterest board with care package ideas. Check it out if you want some inspiration. I got a ten pack of the APO/FPO flat rate boxes. I’d keep one open at a time and fill it up over a couple weeks. Some people decorate the insides, too, which is cute.
Post # 11
Just wanted to say my thoughts are with you! Separations are never easy, but if this is something you’re both committed to you’ll definitely be able to get through it!
Post # 12
Hey there! Just wanted to put my two cents in and tell you it’s going to be okay. Deployments can be rough but you will get through them. My Fiance is in the Air Force and deploys about 2-3 times per year for 2 months at a time. While it does suck that he leaves so often and for so long, it definitely makes us stronger.
When he left for his first deployment we weren’t engaged yet but he told me later that while he was gone he got to think about what was important in life and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. So I definitely think it can make you closer while still being physically apart.
For the communication thing, send e-mails, Skype and download the Viber app (it lets you text/make phone calls through Wi-Fi). Packages are always nice and I’m sure he will love whatever you send him.
The best advice I can give you is to stay busy and do your own thing. Stay strong and best of luck! Send me a message if you need more advice/want to talk.
Post # 12
JessieGrey : Hi could you talk to me please? I don’t know any army wives or girlfriends and I’d like someone to talk to that has been through the same thing. We have been together a year and a half and this is our first deployment together and it is for 6 months.
Post # 13
My first Darling Husband was Navy, deployed in the 80’s. Technology has changed so much, we had to write long letters and wait for the post office. But one of the things I wanted to tell you is that it can make you stronger. He left for 4 months after we were together for only a month, he was underway for two 10 month Westpacs and once for a 4 month Northpac. He missed every Christmas, birthday, and anniversary for 4 years.
Plan on having stupid fights before he leaves and after he gets back. I don’t know why, just seems to be part of the process.
You’ll get used to just taking care of everything yourself. It made me very independent.
PP’s are correct, he probably won’t have time to even think about cheating. But really that could happen anywhere.