(Closed) NEW to the bee: Was not prepared to be waiting!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
515 posts
Busy bee

That didn’t happen for me, but welcome!

Post # 4
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

Welcome to the waiting game! (Hope it’s not too long).

Post # 5
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Welcome to the Hive.  Glad you found us.  I know the ups and downs of waiting…

Post # 6
811 posts
Busy bee

@CaroBee:  “SO sat me down and started discussing possible timelines and things he feels he will be ready to do in two years. Like get married. To me. In two years.”

Man are you lucky – any girl would kill to have a communicator. I think that is all fantastic and I know it’s torture but it’ll be amazing when it happens 🙂

My SO said 2 more years before engagement, no idea about marriage or kids, he did once say marriage and kids after morgage is paid off….so when I’m 55 then lmao

Welcome! 🙂

Post # 7
1390 posts
Bumble bee

My situation was sort of similar. We’d talk about getting married from about six-seven months in. We were living together at that point and it was just natural. Cut to four years later and we still weren’t engaged. We’d talk about our wedding, but nothing concrete. I was rapidly approaching 30 (I’m 29) when I finally told Fiance, you have to do it before January or we’ll be planning a wedding when I’m 33. We had agreed to getting married before 30.

What he did not realize, and I’m guessing your SO won’t either, is that now that it’s on the table it is painful and extremely difficult to think about waiting that long. We went to a LOT of mutual friend weddings and were always getting asked when we’d be getting married. It was painful. SO was absorbed with school and work but I was spending my days in the office thinking how much I hated waiting. He is also younger than me, though only 2 years. Still….he kept thinking of 30 for him, not remembering that I would 32 by that point.

Maybe the best thing you can do is have dates squared away. When you’ll get engaged, when you’ll actually get married. You can talk about it in a broad overview kind of way just to make sure you’re both on the same page. You know like, “do you think fall or spring is better for weddings?” That kind of stuff. It’s really good to know if your potential husband is on the same wavelength as you. I did a lot of preplanning too which helped satisfy my love of all things wedding and got stuff done early on.

Post # 8
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@CaroBee:  I just wrote a long post about waiting, not totally expecting to be at it myself. Its crazy!

But yeah, as PP said, that’s great communication. We just had a solid convo last night that made me feel much better. If he think two years til marriage, if you talk it over, that might be one year til engagement, and that’s not so bad. Considering you haven’t been dating too long, I can see him wanting not to rush it. Maybe go over an engagement timeline, just so there’s some clarity there. Not like, we need to be engaged by X date (though that approach works for some), more like, if we’re going to get married in 24 months from now, I just want you know know I would like an X months engagement…how does that work for you? Good luck! And welcome!

Post # 9
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He said he’d be ready to marry you in two years. Tell him you want a minimum engagement o a year, so you should probably start thinking about it soon 😉

Post # 11
141 posts
Blushing bee

This is exactly what happened to me!

I was a completely sane woman, right up until he told me he had a ring. After that, I became a tortured whirlwind of mixed emotions who could think of nothing other then “when”. I’m still waiting a year later, and believe me, time DOES NOT make it easier, it just makes you edgier and more anxious.

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