(Closed) New to the boards, really need some advice! (Very long post, I'm sorry!)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I had to read your post 2 times take a shower before I felt ready to tell you what I am going to write right now.

 

I understand what it feels like to be hated by your Fiance friends. For me it almost ruined our wedding and it literrally ruined our honeymoon. So Please knowing that, do not think I am judging you . 

 

Your fiance made a very common mistake. When we argue we go….: my fiance is sooo mean he did this and that …..10 days later you forgot you love him again and your friend or person that you told…HATES him and will hate him forever. So please learn from this and whenever you have a problem think twice about sharing because you may create a very bad image for the person you love.

 

You dont give us enought information. We dont know who you are. So I think adding a little things to the post will help give you better advice.

 

I understand you have a health problem yet you dont mention what it is. Is it relevant to the story?

 

You dont like your Fiance going to Bars. This clearly upsets him and his friends. Why dont you like him going to bars? This is relevant to the story.

 

If you are a recovering alcoholic….your parents…..your brother died because of a DUI…..I can understand that you dont like being around alcohol. Now if you dont like it because you are jelous….then…..see it is another argument there.

 

Why did you email the friend? Why? They are talking about being friends again. They were going to put it all past them and he might have been nice to you….why starting or looking for answers that are going to hurt you?

 

Give them a chance be the nicest you can be and forgive!!! I know it is hard but if you love your future husband you should try to see how it goes and just ask your husband to be clear on one aspect. They dont have to LIKE you but they do HAVE to RESPECT you.

 

Dont ask your Fiance to chose because he doesnt have to. If his friends ask him to chose he will choose you. So dont put him in a position like that he will resent you for it. He moved to be closer to you. He loves you in sickness and in health…..bad times and good times. So just be there for him tell him how happy you are his friends and him are reconnecting and that you will try your best to give a good impresion at the wedding. Trust me in the end it will be better for you.

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Vegan_Chick: 

Just go to the wedding (I’m unsure when it is…today? You said this weekend.) and be the nice, charming, happy girl you are.  Don’t look for evidence that people don’t like you — that will only make you feel upset and make things weird. 

Why are you so against your fiance going to bars?

Post # 7
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Vegan_Chick:  It sounds like your fiance’s friend is upset with you because of fights you and your fiance had.  Well…those fights happened, right?  So while I don’t understand your fiance’s friend being upset about them, it’s not like he made something up to be upset about.  Your fiance should tell his friend to let the past stay in the past, and you should all just get over this.  It seems ridiculous to keep bringing it up.

Post # 9
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Vegan_Chick:  How has he been rude to you?  It sounds like he was upset because of fights you had.  Is there more to this than you’re saying?  And why do you care so much about your fiance’s friend?

Post # 10
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

What you and your fi do is no one elses business. That guy needs to butt out. it’s yalls relationship I know you dont want to cause a strain. you have made the effort to try he has not. I dont think you should tip-toe around him. Live YOUR life

Post # 11
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Vegan_Chick:  my darling bee it is exactly what I thought. Please dont take this the wrong way. But ……  YOU ARE VERY INSECURE!

Your fiance asked him if he regreted the things he said about you. But the one that has to regret him is not his friend it is your Fiance. Did he ask him because he want it or because you asked him to?………You say you dont know how long you can go on like this. But he hasnt exactly done anything to you. He has talked bad about you behind your back. He told you he didnt like you because you went on and asked him. You want him to stick up for you. But how? Is saying like I suggested”They dont have to LIKE you but they do HAVE to RESPECT you.” enough or do you want your Fi to hate him? punch him? insult him? what do you expect of your Fi? If you want the friend to give you a chance…then you start by moving on.

Go to the wedding and have a great time.   You dont need his friends to like you. You dont need to be perfect. You just need to be civil nice…cordial. For the man you love. 

Put things into perspective for them you are just a girl who said that she loved her Boyfriend but didnt trust him enough to go to a bar with his friends….. it is nothing more than that….Let go you ll see it will all workout in the end.

Post # 12
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds to me like your fiance is not ready to get married and is looking for an excuse. Honestly, I’m not closewith all of my fi’s friends but if any of them habitually shit-talked about me, I know for a fact that he would not remain friends with them.  Being an adult means that you can quietly dislike someone without bringing it up constantly, and that you have the confidence to stand up for the people you love.  it sounds like all of you have some growing up to do if you can’t peacefully coexist at a wedding. 

 

And if your fi cares this much about what his friends think (to the point where it is dominating your relationship) he doesnt sound like husband material to me. 

Post # 15
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

A bit of a different opinion here… I think that your fiance’s friend is being ridiculous and your fiance is trying to sit on the fence, which is unfair. While obviously the ideal is that friends and partners should seamlessly co-exist and blah blah blah, but in reality, my opinion is that your partner should *always* come first. That’s what sets a partner apart from a friend! If your fiance can’t stand by you 100% (when it sounds like his friend is being extremely unreasonable- there is no reason why he couldn’t be civil to you at such an important occasion as a wedding), then this is the problem rather than the friend. It actually sounds like the friend is a bit jealous of your relationship and is trying to make your partner ‘choose’ him, which is just ridiculous. It’s like he’s five years old! Good luck x

Post # 16
Hostess
11625 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

When his friend said he was ‘whipped’ he meant that he feels like you are controlling his friend. thats  pretty juvenile, since a man should’t be hanging out at the bar frequently if he’s ready  to get married (assuming its  not an after work beer but an all night drink Fest). I think you should forget the opinions of this immature friend, and focus on being a grown up woman who loves her  FI, go to the wedding, be pleasant, and maintain your boundaries. 

 

The real problem is with your FIis but it seems like his feelings are pretty natural. I think you should sit down and ask him how how feels and what he misses about his friend, and see if you can come up with a compromise that respects your relationship and his feelings. I’m sorry you have to go through this, but hold your head up high. You haven’t done anything wrong. Also, your  FI should learn not to share details of your fights in the future if he wants to stop his kind of drama. 

The topic ‘New to the boards, really need some advice! (Very long post, I'm sorry!)’ is closed to new replies.

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