- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
Hi everyone. I’m new to the message boards, but I’ve been on here from time to time and it seems like a great place to find relationship advice..which I definitely need.
Here is a little bit about my fiance & I. I’m 24, he’s 27. We met online, through a mutual friend many years ago. After long talks online and on the phone, he decided to do the 8 hour drive from his college to my house so that we could meet and see if we had the same chemistry in person as we did on the phone – and we did! So we did the long distance thing for 2 years, he would come out to visit one weekend a month because I had/have health problems – and back then couldn’t travel very far. Once he graduated, he found a job an hour away from me and moved out here so that we could be closer. He proposed a month after moving out here on our 2 year anniversary. So that was in November of 2009. Like I mentioned, I do have health problems and that was the reason that we didn’t rush into wedding planning right away, and he was always very understanding about it. Plus, I just wanted to enjoy our relationship in person for awhile, first.
Now it’s 2013..and we’ve put the wedding planning on hold for entirely different reasons. Approximately two years ago, my fiance’s best friend took it upon himself to completely trash talk me and told him I’m only good ‘for the time being’ and not right for him in the long run. He based this opinion of me off of a couple fights that my fiance and I have had (we feel differently about bars, have fought here and there about where to spend Christmas/holidays..) but I feel like it’s our relationship and WE should be able to figure things out without this friend getting involved to the extent he did.
My fiance e-mailed him last year saying that he wishes they could be friends again and that everyone would get along like they used to..and his friend was up for that, too. My fiance said he would talk to me about it first and then get back to him, and that if I wasn’t okay with it – their plans to hang out wouldn’t work out. To make a long story short, I ended up directly e-mailing his friend and just flat out asked him why he has such a problem with me. He explained different fights my fiance and I have had – that made him form his opinion of me..My fiance did stop going to bars because it bugged me, and his friend said that’s when he started being ‘whipped’ and did less and less with him (which wasn’t true, he did less and less because his friend talked bad about me, which he seems to keep forgetting). Then to make things worse, he went into saying how none of my fiance’s friends (the ones I haven’t met yet) like me..and that it’s not going to change. Yet he says I’m the one causing this whole problem..
My fiance and I had a big fight about this yesterday, because we’re supposed to
go to a wedding this weekend (both my fiance and this ‘friend’ are in the
wedding party) and my fiance is really stressed out about it. Which I
understand, but he says things like he doesn’t want to feel this way forever
and doesn’t want to go into a marriage with this much stress.. So I feel like it’s my fault..and I don’t know what to do. When I e-mailed his friend, I offered to be civil for my fiance’s sake when we’re all together and he was like, ‘I will NOT be civil. I just plan on ignoring both of you’..Yet I feel like somehow, our relationship is falling apart. I think it’s just because my fiance was friends with this person for 12 or so years..he looks at him differently. Where to me, he’s just a very disrespectful person that tires to cause problems between my fiance and I (even attending this wedding, he told me there will be other people at the wedding who don’t like me and feel how he does..people I’ve never met!) and I honestly don’t want that type of person in our lives..and I wish my fiance would back me up a little more. I feel like I’m forcing him to be on my side..Which I don’t feel like I should have to do when someone is being flat out ignorant to me.
I’m sorry for such a long post.. but I guess I’m just desperate for advice on how to move forward and make our relationship better. Honestly, right now marriage doesn’t ‘feel right’ with all the fighting we’ve done over this topic but I DO want things to get better so that we can get married one day.. I just don’t know how to get us there with this big problem that keeps looming over us.. Has anyone gotten through anything similar? I just feel so hopeless right now..