(Closed) New to the Hive! How to feel about helping to pick out my engagment ring…

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

My Fi and i went ring shopping together. The proposal was still amazing. Don’t even think twice about it! I think that very few people are truly surprised during a proposal.

Post # 4
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it’s quite common these days for the woman to have a lot of say in the ring. 

Post # 5
8487 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I picked out my own ring, but that was after the proposal. I think I’d still feel the same though, even if he proposed after I picked it out. Remember, you’re marrying him, not the ring. You already said yes to the ring, now you just have to say yes to him. =)

Post # 6
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

Welcome to the bee!

Aww I think it’s really exciting to be involved in picking out your ring. I honestly don’t know the first thing about rings – I still don’t understand the three C’s, or how to explain different shapes – but when Mr. Wallaby and I went ring shopping together, I realized how much I loved around diamonds with eternity bands. So my ring was a little bit of a surprise, but I had some idea of what Mr. W was going to buy.

As for the proposal – it was definitely a surprise and still very, very emotional! Mr. W proposed on a trip to NYC for New Year’s Eve, so all of my friends thought he would propose on the trip – but the way he did it was a surprise and was very special. Even though I knew it had to be coming, it was very magical and a super special, emotional moment for the two of us. Good luck! 🙂

Post # 7
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@LuckyinLove17:  I designed my ring.  My Fiance already had the center stone.  He wanted to be sure I had something that I loved.

I designed it.  He had it made and purchased it.  I didn’t know when or where I would be proposed to, so it still had some surprise.


Post # 8
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@LuckyinLove17:  You can be as involved as you like.

Many people, myself included, want to be a part of the process. It’s a piece of jewelry you’re going to wear every day for the rest of your life… I think it’s fair to have a say in it.

If you’re worried what other people think, just don’t mention to them that you are helping pick the ring.

There are so many people on this site who hate their rings (although they love the sentiment that their guy picked it for them).

I don’t see why the proposal wouldn’t still be somewhat of a surprise. He knows what you want, and surely he can be trusted to work with the jewler? If your input is needed (when the ring is being made) then I guess you have to weigh the pros and cons. Would you rather have a piece of jewelry that is perfect or be surprised in your proposal? I’d definitely rather have the perfect ring. The proposal lasts a few minutes. Maybe I’m just not particularly romantic for this particular thing, but I don’t really get what the big deal is about having the perfect proposal.

I’m traditional but I see marriage as a joint decision. I think the guy should buy the ring, but I don’t see what’s wrong with simply agreeing to get married and him giving you the ring vs. ladies who are waiting for their men to be ready to propose. I guess I just don’t NEED the ring presented to me on a bended knee lol.

Post # 9
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

my dh wanted to know what kind of ring i wanted so that i would be happy.  i told him what i liked and he got me exactly what i told him. 

Post # 10
228 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s super common nowadays but a lot of people, including our peers, don’t know that until they look into it. When I told friends I was getting engaged soon they were weirded out like, how does that work? How do you know? I on the other hand couldn’t imagine making the decision to marry someone in a split second surprise, or waiting silently for him to decide all on his own when we should get engaged. That’s twisted to me. I think discussing it and making plans beforehand is essential. And I didn’t like the common engagement ring styles so I was involved in ordering my ring bc he would have been really flying blind. Once I explained that to my friends they thought it made sense, they just hadn’t thought about it, even though they had other friends do the same. In this whole wedding process people are going to criticize you no matter what you do so just start ignoring it now, it’s good practice!

Post # 11
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think a proposal should ever be a complete surprise.  There are lots of things a couple should have discussed before getting engaged (like – do you both want to get married?  have kids?  where will you live?).  Getting married should be a mutual decision. 

I designed my own ring, my husband made the ultimate decision on the center stone, though I was always aware and told him my preferences and looked at them together.

The proposal was still a surprise in that I didn’t know when or how he would do it and it was still a wonderful moment. 

Post # 12
529 posts
Busy bee

I recently helped my SO pick out my ring and I am mostly glad I did! He had bought the center stone a week before we went to pick out the setting and I didn’t think he was at that point yet, so that was a surprise! The only downside for me is that he had picked out a set and sent me a picture of it and I told him it was pretty but I wasn’t sure how it would look on me because the band was thick. We found a set we both liked but I feela little guilty, like I should have just taken the set he picked out, even though he said that the one we ended up looks better on me. I am choosing to consider it one of many collaborations between the two of us! He hasn’t proposed yet and the when and how will definitely be a surprise and since I know what the ring looks like hopefully I will be able to pay more attention to the proposal and not be trying to look at the ring during the proposal lol! Honestly, I can’t wait to get that ring on my finger even though I know what it looks like I am still excited beyond belief! 

Post # 16
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I helped a little.  I requested a carat for the center stone, and that the metal be white gold.  I wanted the center stone to pop.  We went to the store and I picked out a few that I liked and he took it from there.

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