(Closed) New to the waiting board, not new to actually waiting…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about this. Maybe he just doesn’t realize that venues and bands and things are usually booked around a year in advance. Just tell him that you’ve looked into it a little and noticed that the dates are going fast but that you don’t want to put a deposit on anything until you’re engaged (which is completely understandable!) 

The other option would be to go to the courthouse in April and get married and then have a ceremony/recpetion later on. I know it’s not the ideal, but it would get you through his immigration issues and you’d still get the wedding of your dreams. 

I’m not sure what to tell you about the ‘surprise proposal’. On one hand, it’s very romantic that he wants to do it alone. On the other, I completely understand wanting to be involved (and get it moving!!) My boyfriend was the same way. He originally said that I wasn’t allowed to pick out my ring. After a while, I sat him down and told him that I wanted to be involved. We worked out a plan that I would make him a list of rings that I liked and he could pick one off of it. That way, he could still plan a surprise proposal and I would get a ring that I loved. Maybe suggest something like this to your boyfriend if the choice of ring is important to you. 

If you’re feeling gutsy, there’s always that idea of you proposing to him. If it really seems like he isn’t going to propose (and he isn’t just trying to throw you off), why don’t you propose to him? I know a few women on these boards have proposed to their SOs. If you post about it, I’m sure you’ll get lots of responses!

Post # 4
320 posts
Helper bee

I would be soooo angry if my SO was telling me he HAD to get married in 6 months for immigration purposes, and yet I had no ring yet.  Way to procrastinate, buddy!

If you two truly love each other (and you’re sure he’s not just marrying you so he doesn’t get booted back to Canada, hehe! j/k), then obviously you want to do what you can to keep him safe and out of trouble, but you absolutely should not deny yourself the beautiful ceremony that you have been looking forward to.  Remember, this is kind of his screw up, not yours!  

Compromise is part of a loving relationship, yes, but you also have to be accountable for your actions.  I would be a little resentful, if it were me, that he wasn’t making good toward his Naturalization into this country, and just now found out he has 6 months left before he gets booted. 

Anyway, I digress.  My point is, there are ways for him to be legal to stay in this country other than you getting married.  He should stop being lazy and look into them, instead of trying to rob you of your dream wedding.  He’s already been lazy enough.

Post # 5
4361 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018


Its horrible that theres all this pressure on you to get married by April, you’re right that planning needs to start now.  I’m waiting and there is no way I want to start making solid plans until I get a ring / official proposal.  I think Black-Eyed-Susan has made a good point about maybe just doing the legal things in April and doing the rest later. But you’re not getting married just so he doesn’t get thrown out!!  Don’t compromise your wedding (or your marriage) because of the time constraints.  I’d suggest being firm with you SO, explain it takes planning and that you need at least so long to plan, but like you’ve told us you want something official first.

Good luck!

Post # 6
335 posts
Helper bee

it seems to me, if he has said he would like an april wedding to you and you agree, then that’s a date and you are already engaged. would you be okay with a proposal without a ring? if that’s the case, talk to him, and see if you can go ahead and be “official,” ring or no ring. he could still go through the whole ring and bent-knee proposal if he really wants later on. once “officai,” you’ll be able to go about planning for a wedding with time restraints. he probably does not realize how much time can go into planning this sort of event. also, like previous posters said, doing the legal paperwork in april and having a ceremony a few months later could be a very good deal to get around the system for you. just talk to him and make him understand how you feel being in this limbo between engagment and non-engagment.

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