- 7 years ago
Hi everyone, I stumbeld upon this site whilst searching for answers. Like most women do. But why turn to the internet when you can turn to other women in the exact same position. So here is my case, I put it out there not only for answers and advice but also for women in the same position as me, that are searching for their “happily ever afeter” ending.
I have been with my OH for 2 years now. He works as an Aerospace Engineer and his work moves us around the country. I left my job, family and friends for this man and moved in with him a year ago.I have told him I want to get engaged soon, no point in beating around the bush right? Problem is he was so keen on getting engaged until his friends had their say.His friends don’t know me. I have met a couple of times but we live 3 hours away from them. So he see’s them about once a month. His friends label me as controlling, difficult and selfish. I am not controlling in any way or form. I have no idea as to where they gained this illusion of me. When I told my Twin of this, he laughed. It is the complete opposite to who I am. I am not difficult, Stubborn and firm standing, yes. But that’s why my OH half says he loves me, all his ex girlfriends have been push overs and weak. Where as I am fiesty and will defend myself. I hear this is a Yorkshire-Woman trait. As for being selfish… that was incredibly hurtful. It cut so deep when I found out people were making these assumptions of me. When I was 14 I worked part time and gave my wages to my siblings, so they had pocket money. I have given everything I can to those I love. Like I said, I have left my family and friends to be with him. I get to see my family twice a year. He gets to see his once a month, but I’m selfish? How do they have the right/knowledge to lable me?I except criticism but I won’t be bad mouthed about for no apparant reason.
Anyway the problem with his friends came to a holt recenetly. He annouced that he was going to propose to them. Not one of his friends congratulated him. Their exact words were “What are you playing at?”. He has a group of friends consisting of 30+ people male and female. Then they went on to tell him how, I was apparantly talking ill of him at a New Years celebration. Completely made up, I couldn’t understand why people in their late 20’s, early 30’s were interested in such playground behaviour. I didnt expect everyone to love me, out of his friends. But spreading complete lies, is a bit extreme.
Ever since this incident he has been cold around the whole proposal idea. His friends are all paired up with some one from the friendship group. My OH is the only one who has a partner outside the group. I feel this has a huge impact on their dislike for me. Also they have been in their relationships on average 7 years, come and go. None of them are engaged. Could their reaction be the way it was because we havn’t been together as long as they have? But what they don’t take into account is my OH’s job will require him to move to Saudii Arabia in a couple of years. For me to go, we have to be married. Not that I need to justify my relationship to them. It’s between me and my OH surely?
Now every time I visit his hometown with him, I become mardy, sulky and on constant defence, ready with amo to shoot at anyone who challenges me or my relationship. Which isn’t good. This will only make them dislike me more. But I can’t help feeling like that.
His family are wonderful. Everytime we visit they ask if we’re engaged yet and I get a little upset having to tell them, no. I am close to his Nana and I confinded in her about the problem I’m having with his friends and she point out said “Ignore the Bitches”. I love having his family’s blessing. I don’t feel I need his friend’s blessing but I don’t know how to deal with them or be around them.
My relationship is great. We’re strong but I’m ready to take it further now. I have spoken to him about it numerous times and he tell’s me it’s “To soon”. Yet before he spoke to his friends, he had put a deposite on a ring and that was 6 months ago. But now it’s to soon? I just don’t know what to do. It’s not like I have all the time in the world, he could be told he has to be abroad in 3 years.
I would love an outsiders view on this. I can’t talk to my family as they would tell me “Your over reacting”, “It will come” but how long can some one wait? How much time is too much time to invest? The longer I wait the more time I could be wasting in theory. I have tried talking to him more but I just get the same answers. I don’t want to presser him but I can’t keep walking blindly into something. Why should he have all the power/control? (Sorry my stubborness coming through).
I’m afraid his friends have permenantly piosened his view on us/me. I always tells me they havn’t. But why the sudden change of heart?
Last November he announced he was going to propose at christmas. He didn’t. He then said he was planning to some time before our Aniversary. It came and went. He then said he was saving it for my birthday and I truley believed it as he had put a deposite on a ring. So I stupidly through a huge birthday party with all my family, so I could announce it, I wrongly assumed he would of proposed by then and I never get to see my family so I thought it would be perfect. He didnt propose 🙁 He then said he was going to propose before going to Astrailer. No ring yet. Now after a long exhausting 2 hour conversation. He’s said that he will within the first 6 months of next year. So I’m back at square one… but a year later.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be great. I’m just sat here righting this in tears as I can’t talk to anyone else. It feels better just having it in front of me in wrighting.
Sorry it’s lengthy and I hope all you Bee’s happy loving <3 x