(Closed) His Friends preventing a proposal?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
39 posts
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m not sure what advice I can give but I’m glad you found the Bee and some support!

Post # 4
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have no idea what his deal is, but for me a man who has set numerous time lines and then done nothing is not something I would stand for. Either he wants to marry you or not- period. Don’t say you do if you don’t, to me that is harder than having no idea at all where you stand. I am sorry you are dealing with this. 

Post # 5
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If he’s also in his 20s or 30s the only person who is preventing him from asking is himself.

Totally agree with CallmeC.

Post # 8
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Though he may be a good man to you in private, he sounds like someone who caters to his friends’ wishes and lacks the guts to challenge them / defend you. With this type of disappointing behavior, are you sure you want to marry him? Even if he proposed tomorrow? I would really suggest couples counseling to sort through this. Both of you have very different expectations for this relationship. It looks to me like a classic case of “She wants to get married; he doesn’t.”

If you want to move forward with the relationship, I think you need an ultimatum [though MANY ladies on here are opposed to them; I think that a relationship shouldn’t need one, but sometimes guys need a kick in the pants]: tell him “either we are engaged by [fill-in-the-blank date] or I am walking.” And if you aren’t indeed engaged by that date, without a very good reason, then you need to be prepared to walk. No looking back. No second chances. You’ve already given him more than enough chances.

You sound like a lovely, independent woman, and you need to treat yourself as such. If he won’t honor you by committing to marriage, you need to be free to find a good, loving man who will.

Post # 9
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CloverPinder:  You’re not crazy.  I love my best friend, don’t get me wrong, but even if she hated my man I don’t think she would go out of her way to sabotage our relationship.  It’s juvenile.  I hope everything works out hun.

Post # 10
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it is very unloving to tell you he is going to propose and then not do it.  If he is telling you he is going to, then why not just do it?!?  You are living together.  It is obviously not too soon.

Post # 11
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@CloverPinder:  I was in a situation very similar to this. Ex-FI was from a small town and all of his close friends moved to the city.When he got together with me, none of them liked it because i didn’t grow up with them. i tried to be friends with them, but no matter what i did, it was never good enough and they were never more than cordial to me. since i had moved to that city to be with him, i had no other friends. i expected his friends to become our friends, but that never happened, and he never wanted to go meet new people because hey, he already had friends ad was always busy or hanging out with them.

the loneliness and depression i experienced was a big factor in us breaking up, and their disapproval messed with my head to the point that it’s still bothering me two years later.

He’s now with a girl that the females in the group “selected” for him. She’s horrible, but at least now they can all be horrible together.

The only thing I can suggest is that you and SO make other friends as soon as possible, and be persistent. I don’t think my ex and I were meant to be, but i do think if i had had other friends at this time and didn’t feel so hated and alone every day, my self worth wouldn’t have taken the horrible hit that it did.

Post # 13
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m not sure what to think. On one hand, I wouldn’t be sure that someone who couldn’t resist pressure or challenging from his peer group at the age of 27 was someone I’d want to marry. But on the other hand, I’ve long believed that if every one of my friends were against my SO, I’d need to really evaluate my SO— not because of peer pressure, but because when we are in love, we often overlook our SO’s flaws, and if 8 friends see the same flaw, then it might not be them all picking on my SO. It might be me being blind!

I would make an extra effort– warranted or not— to make at least one ally in the group and go from there. That can help you learn if they’re all just playing some weird high school type game or if you are really not as well-suited for your SO as you think.




Post # 14
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@EffieTrinket:  I agree that maybe his group already has someone in mind for your SO. So…do what must be done there.

This is really difficult. it seems as though they poisoned the well..

@CloverPinder:  girl you need to go out and do stuff. if you have a car, DRIVE!

Post # 15
2 posts

I 100% know where you are coming from! My SO ‘s female friends also have similar feelings about me…


Its such a hard situation to be in. Of course they are his friends, and you don’t want to rock the boat… but when they treat you with such disrespect, what can you do?

Do you have a plan of action at all? would love to hear it 🙂 x

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