(Closed) New trend? No present regardless if you come to the wedding.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I find it rude. I mean, even a card is wonderful. Showing up empty-handed is a little weird; I’d certainly feel awkward doing it.

Post # 4
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I honestly didn’t know I was supposed to still send a gift if I RSVP’d no.   Actually, the only weddings I have RSVP’d no to were a friend’s destination wedding (I got her a shower gift), and a wedding where I had no idea why I was even invited because I’d met these people like twice.

No one who RSVP’d no got us a gift.

Post # 5
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It could be with the economy these days and quite a few people in financial distress, maybe they can’t afford to bring a gift? Or they may feel more awkward bringing a card as that in some ways makes it more evident that they didn’t write a check or bring a physical gift. 

Post # 6
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m kind of confused. It sort of is a thread about whether guests are expected to bring something if they attend a wedding. I’m not sure what you’re looking for.

I know as a guest I always do something for the bride and groom. A check, a token, something off their registry… something. That’s just how I am.

I know as a bride I don’t expect anyone to bring anything at all. Cards, gifts, checks….. nothing. We invited our guests to celebrate with them and nothing more. So if it is a trend to not bring gifts or cards, then I guess I’m cool with it.

Post # 7
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

I’ve never heard of that. I don’t believe it’s a new trend, just some people who don’t know what proper manners are and their parents/elders didn’t bother to teach them anything other than do what you want and screw what anyone else thinks. Not all people are like that so don’t assume that number of folks are. Yes you do have up to a year to send a gift, per proper etiquette, if you can’t afford something at the time. A card only costs 99cents. At the same time, it is not rude to not send a gift if you don’t go. Some people have certain expectations and then get upset when others don’t do the same things they do. But what you are describing is not near as common as you may think.

I have attended weddings in the past where all I could afford was a card. I didn’t feel awkward at all as a guest either. On the flip side, if I don’t attend, then I don’t send anything.

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I would feel really awkward if I went to a wedding and didn’t bring something for the bride and groom… I always bring a check or a present.

Post # 9
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think that it has to do with economy or lack of knowledge about weddings.  I know that one of my bridesmaids asked me privatly the day before my shower what the heck a shower was and what she should expect.  In her culture people don’t have showers and this was her first one.  She had NO idea that most people bring gifts.  I felt odd saying people normally bring gifts but she praised me for being honest and telling her because she would have felt bad being the only one with nothing. 

So I don’t think it is really a trend.  I think that it is just that some people might not know things about weddings or that they can’t afford something. 

Post # 10
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Luckily we didn’t have this problem, although I know the economy is hitting folks hard right now.  But we did have two friends who didn’t even rsvp and didn’t show up, although one of them called and said they were coming ( a verbal yes).  No present either.

Finally got my facebook response back from one today, and she just was not even mentioning anything at all, just avoided the whole thing as to why she didn’t rsvp at all.  I guess her avoidance was my answer.  That she was embarassed and that she meant well but for whatever reason didn’t come.

I did have one who responded they couldn’t come not send a gift.  But kinda expected that anyhow.

I always send a gift even if I don’t attend.  Just proper etiquette.  Today though, It’s more forgiveable with the poor economy though.  I don’t hold grudges.

Seems etiquette has taken sadly a back burner.  There are some biggies with regards to weddings that people just hardly acknowledge these days.

Post # 11
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’ve never heard of sending something if you RSVPd no.  I don’t!

Post # 12
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

@bellenga, re: etiquette, on a daily basis just here at WB with any given topic, you can see the masses of people who don’t believe that they have to follow etiquette at all “because it’s outdated and doesn’t apply to anyone in this day and age” when it is not to change for any reason. On the flip side, in current society, no one knows what proper manners and etiquette are because their parents never taught them, and thus they don’t know or care. The rare few who do follow etiquette are considered “archaic” and not up with the times unfortunately. Seems you can’t win no matter what.

Post # 13
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Similar question: if you go to the shower with a gift, do you still bring something to the wedding?

I personally feel uncomfortable showing up empty handed anywhere that another person is in any way going out of his/her way to host me, even if it is just dinner. So I would never go to a wedding without at least a card! It’s a different story if I RSVP no — then it depends on why and how close we are to the couple.

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Also, my feeling is if you truly cannot afford a gift, don’t go. And in reality, anyone can afford a gift. Because the gift could be to give the couple a night off from planning- make them dinner and bring it to them, or invite them over for an evening of fun. I gift doens’t have to cost money, or a lot of money, anyway.

Post # 15
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Amaryllis: Yes, I always give both a shower and a wedding gift if I attend/am invited to the shower.

I also send gifts when I rsvp “no”, I thought that was normal!

Post # 16
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

@Amaryllis, if I attend the shower, then no i don’t give a gift at the wedding too. I just send a card. The shower is only for wedding guests and you are basically buying multiple gifts from the same registry. Many people, regardless of the economy, cannot afford to do that, nor is it expected of anyone.

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